Not a party gal

My New Year's Eve started out with a stomach ache. So I spent most of the morning in bed. I felt better after a grilled cheese for lunch and then a shower.

This afternoon, I took Nipper for walk, which made him a happy boy, and then Mom and I took off for town, where she picked up her prescriptions and I picked up a new TV for my bedroom. For quite some time, the picture has faded in and out on the old one, so when we got $20 in gift certificates for our Christmas bonus at work (whoo-hoo!) I thought I'd get a new TV. It's nothing special, just a little 13-inch. It's at least got a headphone jack, so if I watch TV while Mom's sleeping, I don't have to have the sound down almost all they way.

Tonight, I spent a good part of the evening making some minor updates and improvements on my Web page. Nothing big, just editing some outdated stuff and changing the navigation to drop-down menus. Yeah, I'm at the forefront of Web design all right. I got through most of the site. Maybe I'll finish it up tomorrow.

And that's as exciting as my beginning of 2006 will be. If I even manage to stay awake long enough to see it come around.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Happy birthday!

Yes, today is my birthday. No. 37. I suppose I should have some deep, introspective entry here about What I Have Learned in the last six months or something, but I'm not feeling that deep today.

I really hate having a big to-do about my birthday anymore. I mean, once you're not interested in the latest toys from whatever hot movie, it's not as much fun, right? Better to just have a few people wish you happy birthday and maybe have a special dinner with friends or family and hope your presents are something that's useful or sentimental, depending on who gives it.

A few people at work said happy birthday to me today, and one gave me a card. I passed up an invite to go out after work. I just really wanted to get home for a quiet evening.

Mom's taking her nap before she goes to work, Nipper is busy with his rawhide chew he got for Christmas (it's about half gone!) and I'm watching reruns and playing on the happy.

... and many more!

Tired

The fatigue has hit. Actually it hit last night. I took Nipper for a walk -- the first time in several days, so he was happy -- but maybe I overdid it. I spent the rest of the night on the couch, barely awake, and went to bed a bit early. Today wasn't much better. I went to work, but was still pretty tired all day.

I had lunch with another friend who was visiting family for the holiday from Muncie, where she works for the newspaper there. Another co-worker joined us, but another ex-co-worker wasn't able to make it, since she had a migrane. We met at a classy micro-brewery and diner downtown. It was our first time there, and it was actually pretty good. I've heard mixed reviews about the place, but my chicken club was good. I don't drink, so can't tell you anything about the beer (although my friend said the pumpkin ale was pretty good). She gave me a ceramic star Christmas ornament that she made at one of those pottery shops where you paint the thing you want and they fire it for you. I thought it was cool she would do that.

My parents and I celebrated my birthday early at my dad's house tonight (tomorrow is the real day). We had a simple dinner, since none of us seemed to feel that great, and chocolate cake, and then I got my gifts. The big one I saw right off as I walked in the door. Mom, Dad and my brother got me a curio cabinet to keep all my Peanuts collectibles in. There's even a good spot for it in the bedroom. Mom and Dad put it mostly together at his house, so we had to load it up in Mom's truck and bring it home. We're both too tired to finish putting the door on and the shelves in, so maybe that will be a weekend project.

Mom also got me a Snoopy & Woodstock statue to put in the garden. They're in they're Beagle Scout gear and it's really cute.

That's it for now. I'm going to go get comfy and crawl into bed and watch reruns until I fall asleep.

A good day

Of all my chemo days, this one has been one of the best. We went in this morning and I got weighed and got the usual questions from the nurse. Then I visited with the doctor -- not my doctor, she's on vacation, I think. But this guy was pretty nice. He said the dry skin on my face was something that happens a lot, but showed a bit of concern about the rash on my chest and neck. My nurse (one of my favorites today) said it could be from the morphine I had when I was in the hospital with the kidney stones, even more than a week later.

We had to wait awhile before starting the chemo, because they had to do lab work. I was supposed to have it done yesterday, at the path lab that's just off the hospital's main lobby, but when I went, it was closed. So they drew the blood this morning and it took about an hour to get the results back. The herceptin was first and took about an hour through the IV drip. I got lunch delivered -- not bad for hospital food: baked chicken breast, corn, baked potato, chicken and rice soup, and cake for dessert. The new drug, Navelbine, was a "push," meaning the nurse uses a syringe to infuse the drug over a certain amount of time (about six minutes in this case).

It will probably bring my white blood cell count down, so I'll have to go back to my "isolation chamber" at work -- basically a storage area off the conference room. It can also cause some numbness or tingling in my hands and feet, but my doctor said this one doesn't have it as bad as the Taxotere can. So far, no nausea, and not really any fatigue. I didn't fall asleep during this one and I actually feel pretty good. I'll still take tomorrow off, because you never know, it could all hit me after a day or so.

Mom probably had it rougher than I did this morning. The store must have been busy, because she didn't get home until almost 8 a.m., and I think she was already tired from working Christmas night! The treatment room I was in this morning was one of the smaller ones with only one cushy recliner in it, so Mom was trying to get comfortable in the waiting-room type chair. She did manage a short nap or two, but it couldn't have been comfortable.

After we got home, we watched "Gangs of New York," and by the time that was over, we both needed naps. Now we're just lazing around watching the Kennedy Center Honors, and I have to say Robert Redford is still kinda hot.

P.S. Welcome to new readers. I've gotten a couple of plugs that have sent some traffic this way from here and here. Thanks for the links and kind words, guys!

Do they make Chapstick for your face?

The skin on my face is so dry today. You know that burning feeling you get when your lips are really dry? That's what my whole face feels like, especially under my eyes and on my eyelids. I slathered my face with lotion last night and this morning, but it didn't really help. I felt a little better after drinking about four cups of water, but it still kind of burns. I also have a slight rash around my collar bones that itched quite a bit this afternoon. And the skin on my neck is so sensitive that under normal conditions, I touch it and I get a long-lasting red blotch, so you imagine how this looked. When I was in the hospital last weekend, my doctor noticed a rash then, but it wasn't really bothering me. So I guess I have a couple questions for her tomorrow.

On the good side of the day, I got to see a good friend I haven't seen in a while, since her wedding this summer. They live in Connecticut, and it's obvious the distance is taking a toll on both of them. They plan on coming back to the Midwest, but both need another year or two of good experience before they want to move on career-wise. Probably a good choice, but I miss having her around. So we had a good evening, at her in-laws house. She asked me to bring Nipper, I think because she misses her own dog, and they're all dog people, so he had a good time too. He got cookies and some grilled beef and ice cream ... they spoiled him like he was their own. My friend gave Nipper a vanilla-flavored rawhide chew and gave me a cool picture frame. It was good to see her and get caught up. I only wish they could be here longer. But that's life, isn't it? Maybe sometime next year I can go see them.

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone had a good day, whether or not or you celebrate a holiday today. Ours was quiet and simple. We slept in late, had apple cinnamon muffins for breakfast and read the paper. Dad came over around 10:30 a.m. and we opened the presents. Dad and I got a lot more than Mom did, but I think she always enjoys the giving more than anything. Nipper even got his share of presents, mostly edible.

We grilled KC strip steaks this afternoon, since it was such a nice day -- almost 60 degrees. We didn't do anything special to them, just put them on the grill. The smoky taste was perfect enough for December. Mashed potatoes, a salad and Dutch apple pie rounded out the meal. Afterwards, Dad headed to his place to watch the game, and Mom, Nipper and I took naps.

Mom has taken off for work at the Major Discount Store. She'll be cleaning the front end as others stock the shelves for the big after-Christmas sale and happy returns. I head to work in the morning. All in all, a good day, but in the end, it's back to the grind.

'Twas the ... oh you know

I had to work today. This is the second year in a row I've worked Christmas weekend. Doesn't seem fair, but what can you do? I was gone most of the week, and I didn't want anyone else to have to change their plans on short notice, but still. Maybe next week I'll put myself down on the newsroom calendar to be off for Christmas.

There was a fatal accident here Friday night. A car with five teenagers ran a stop sign on a county road and collided with a car driven by a local woman. A 16-year-old died and three others plus the woman in the other car were flown to a larger hospital overnight. One of the other kids might be paralyzed, but our reporter didn't get any confirmation on that. It would be horrible to lose a loved one or have them injured like that at any time, but at Christmas it must be a hundred times worse, with the unopened presents reminding them of the tragedy long after they should have been opened. I don't know any of the families, but I send some prayers their way.

Tomorrow for us, just a quiet day is planned. It's supposed to be around 60 degrees, so we're planning on throwing some steaks on the grill sometime in the afternoon. Presents in the morning, of course. Not too early, because we like to sleep in. Although, even though I'm all grown up, I do find it difficult to get to sleep on Christmas Eve, just like when I was a kid.

Hope you and yours have a good one Sunday, no matter what (of if) you celebrate.

Back to work

I went back to work this afternoon. Everybody seemed pretty glad to see me, which always makes you feel good. It was pretty slow around the office, as it always is this time of year. We really have to stretch to fill the paper some days at the end of the year. Hence, all the end-of-the-year wrapups and top ten stories of the year type of stuff we publish. We started the top ten last year, and it's a pretty good idea, at least from the aspect of filling some space.

Tomorrow, a full day, and then I work Saturday on the desk for Sunday's paper. We're looking at a 7 p.m. press time (as opposed to the usual midnight), so that won't be so bad. Then back to work Monday, and chemo on Tuesday. I'll take an extra day Wednesday to recover from that, and then it's probably back in my little "office" since I think the drug I'll be starting Tuesday is also one that affects my immune system. Well, I'll have a private place to gripe about things again at least.

Feeling better from the kidney stone adventure. Still a little sore in the kidney area, but it doesn't seem that bruised. Had a bit of "pebbles" last night move through, I think, but they said it could take up to two weeks for all the pieces of the stone to flush through my system. Yay.

I'm back!

Man, I feel better than I have since Friday night.

Spent the entire afternoon at the hospital to get the soundwave treatment for my kidney stone. They put me under for the procedure, so I don't remember any of it. All I know is that after I woke up and got over the grogginess, I felt about 80 percent better. I just have a little soreness in my back, and the nurse said I was starting to show some bruising.

I think how I feel is mostly just mental. I was so down in the dumps yesterday and not looking forward to being in the hospital again, it just made me cry. Nipper had to put in a lot of comfort time for me this morning.

We left the hospital a little before 5 p.m., stopped to pick up some KFC to satisfy my craving, and headed home. As we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. It was co-worker calling to see if she could bring over the bonus we got at work this week -- a couple of Chamber of Commerce gift certificates for $10 each. Hey, that's much more than we've gotten the last two or three years!

I might go to work for awhile tomorrow afternoon. I'll see how I feel. It may just be the Percocet making me feel like I could do that.

Getting kind of sleepy, and Nipper is really wanting to snuggle with me, so I think I'll sign off and go lie in bed for while. Thanks to everyone for your e-mails and good thoughts!

Looking for an end

I am so tired of the hospital. The people who work there are great, I will say, but I am just tired of being there, seeing the institutional colors and answering the same questions 20 times in one morning. And I get to do it all again tomorrow afternoon.

I had the procedure to put in the stent this morning. It went OK and I was home before 1 p.m., when the Home Depot contractor came by to install my Christmas present from my mom and dad -- a storm door for the front entrance to the house. It works rather well. We had the front door open for awhile and couldn't really feel any cold air coming in. If only we'd had this for the last couple snow storms! It has a retracting screen in the upper part, so that will be nice when warm weather comes again. Nipper didn't even try to walk through it. He just stood and had that "open, already, wouldya" look on his face he does with other doors.

Poor dog is starting to go stir crazy. He pulled a small football out of his basket of toys and played with it for a bit, and Mom and I kind of tossed it around for him. He's not really a plays-with-toys kind of dog, so that's a sign he's bored and has a lot of pent-up energy. I don't go back to the hospital until noon tomorrow, so maybe I can take him out in the morning and throw the old shoes he likes to play with in the yard or take him down to the creek and exercise his sniffer, too.

I'm really grateful for Mom & Dad being here, and Nipper too, because I can't imagine going through all this stuff by myself. I know my brother would be here if he could, but your e-mails are a big help, bro. And same for those long-distance friends and even you complete strangers who have wandered by here somehow and left comments. It's been hard these last few days to keep upbeat about everything. It seems like everything was going so well, and then BAM this happens to knock me down a bit. I'll keep going though, because what choice do I have?

It gets worse

I didn't make it in to work today. I was doing fine until I woke up at 5 a.m. on the dot, and my back was hurting. I thought maybe I had just slept in a funny position and my back was stiff, but after about 10 minutes I knew that wasn't true. I tried lying still for awhile to see if it would go away, but it didn't. I was a bit scared about it. I called Mom at work and asked her what she thought we should do. We decided I'd take a Percocet and see how it goes.

The painkiller helped and I was able to get some more sleep. I didn't have to take another until noon, but this one worked only for about three hours. I'm only supposed to take one every four hours. So we called the urologist's office, and they said either I could get a scrip for stronger pain pills and wait until Wednesday when I'm supposed to get it taken care of any way, or I could come in tomorrow and have a stent put in so the urine can go around the stone (which was going to be done Wednesday anyway). I opted for getting the stent early.

So I go in early tomorrow morning and get that taken care of. No Herceptin infusion tomorrow; they can make that up next week. And then I still go in Wednesday for the sound waves, at least as far as I know. The big problem is, I can't have anything after midnight because I'll be getting anesthesia, so any pain I get overnight I'm just going to have to tough it out.

It sounds like a cliche, but I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. It really stinks that it's happening at this time of year, too. It hasn't put me in the Christmas spirit at all, and I'm looking forward more to this episode being over rather than the holiday. My birthday is a week from Friday and I had hoped to do a little something, maybe go out after work this Friday with co-workers, since I've got a big chemo next Tuesday and probably won't feel up to it on the real day, and maybe do something with the parents as well. Now I don't feel up to that either.

I'm just ready for this crap to be over with.

And how was your weekend?

I hadn't planned on doing much this weekend, but this isn't what I had in mind.

(Warning: Talk of bodily functions ahead.)

I'm lying on the couch Friday, watching the end of the evening news when I started to feel a discomfort in my left abdomen. By the time Bob Schieffer had signed off, it had built up into a sharp, stabbing pain. I shoved the dog off me and walked around the living room a bit. I tried to go to the bathroom. Nothing. The pain was getting worse. I went and told mom. She put in a call to the oncology center's hotline and talked to a nurse. She suggested going to the ER. So off we went.

We got there about 7 p.m., so I had been in pretty bad pain for about an hour. Of course, it was quite awhile before I got to see the doctor. He asked all the usual questions and questions about my cancer and chemo, they took some blood and even though I didn't feel like I could, I squeezed out enough urine for a sample.

So Mom and I waited and waited some more, and the nurse popped in once in awhile to let us know what was going on. I think there might have been an accident victim or two brought in while I was there, and I don't know that there was more than one doctor in the ER, so it was quite a wait. I did get a little morphine, so at least the pain died down.

Finally, the doctor comes in the exam room and asks Mom if she could step out for a minute, there were some other exams he needed to do. Oh, great, I thought. Does this mean getting undressed from the waist down?

"The reason I asked you mother to leave is I don't like to embarrass people in front of their parents," he started. "Your pregnancy test came up positive."

WHAT?!?! "Uh, yeah that can't be right," I stammered. Really. I mean, add it up: I've had cancer, I'm going through chemo, I'm almost bald and my mother lives with me. What are you think the odds are I'm even THINKING of doing anything like that?

I explained to him that it just couldn't be possible. "Although," I added, "it IS Christmas." At least I gave him a good laugh for the night.

He'd already called my oncologist, who said the positive result could be from the Herceptin, although she'd never heard of it happening. It seems the drug is made from hamster ovaries. A year of Herceptin treatment can cost upwards of $48,000. That's a lot of hamsters.

They arranged to have a sonogram done of my ovaries and uterus to double check, even though I told them there's NO WAY, but they wanted to also check and make sure there wasn't a cyst or something in there. I won't go into details about the sonogram. If you're female, you probably know why. Let's just say the device she was using looked like something out of a bad porno movie.

My oncologist came in while that was being done and watched for a bit. She did not look happy. She left after a few minutes and it sounded like she was talking to someone, maybe on her cell phone. When the sonogram was finished, she said she needed to talk to me before they took me back to the ER.

"I thought I was going to have to have a very serious talk with you," she said.

No kidding. I was ready to have a very serious talk with God. Y'know, where was the heavenly spotlight and booming voice? Shouldn't I at least get that?

"But it looks like that's not necessary." A second pregnancy test and the sonogram told them what I'd been saying all along. OK, God, you're off the hook.

So that scare over, I headed back to the ER, waited some more, then got a CT scan of my stomach area. Finally the results came in on that -- nearly four hours after we first got to the ER -- I had a kidney stone, four mm. They admitted me right away, and after seeing that I was settled in, Mom took off for home. It had started snowing by then, enough that I could see from my room window the parking lot was covered.

They set me up with an IV for fluids and I think I got more morphine. I didn't think I would sleep too easily, but I actually fell asleep pretty quick and never heard the night nurse coming in to check on me. As she was getting me all set up, we talked about Mexican food. She had an aunt from Mexico that her family visits every year in El Paso, and she said they all cooked up a bunch of food and everyone would take some home. I told her how when I was born and we lived in New Mexico, our neighbor lady was from Mexico and taught Mom how to make some stuff. Which is why I don't call it "chili soup."

I didn't wake up at all until 5 a.m. Saturday. And that's about all I did all day Saturday. Sleep. Call for help to pee. It wasn't so much I needed help, but I had to pee in the thing they call a hat (why? You don't put it on your head, for god's sake) and the nurses then had to strain it to see if I passed the stone. I did need help a couple times, because the morphine made me nauseous and after getting up shortly before lunch I did throw up. Then the nurse brought lunch awhile later and the first smell of the broccoli stuff just set my stomach quivering. The IV machine started beeping about then, so I hit the call button for the nurse, and pretty much as soon as she stepped in the room -- blaaaarf -- there went the cheese and crackers and chocolate pudding I'd had earlier in the morning. I think I got one bite of the beef stew. It was a shame, too because that chocolate cake looked really good. And I hadn't really eaten anything since about 5 p.m. the night before, and all that was was popcorn, apples and cheese and a Cherry Coke. I think some of that was in the bucket, too.

Mom and Dad missed the show literally by just minutes. I'm surprised they couldn't hear me ralphing when they got off the elevator, it was that close. They stayed with me for probably a couple hours, although I certainly wasn't much of a conversationalist. I think I slept most of the time they were there. It had been snowing all through night, and I know they were concerned about the roads, so I told them they didn't have to stay long on my account. It was kind of lonely the rest of the day and the night, but Mom brought me a picture of Nipper, just like I'd done for her when she had her hospital stays.

The rest of Saturday was pretty uneventful. I got some anti-nausea drugs, so I was able to eat some dinner and had breakfast this morning. I was woken up for an X-ray at 6 a.m. (they brought the machine to my room). The urologist came in again (we visited some Saturday) and said the stone hadn't moved at all since Friday night, and since I hadn't had any pain (not much, at least) since later Saturday afternoon, I could go home. I go back Wednesday to have it zapped with sound waves (apparently that's the only day they have that machine here), so as long as I don't have the intense pain come back and take it easy, I should be OK. I have to strain my own pee now, in case I do pass it. I won't tell you how much fun that is.

I'm going to try going to work tomorrow, since I just really do desk work, and my Herceptin chemo should still be scheduled for Tuesday. The week after that, I start on a new drug (whose name I don't remember at the moment) to replace the Taxotere that I had the reaction to a couple weeks ago. This one, though, doesn't cause hair loss! The doc said it might not grow more while I'm on, but I won't lose what I have. Hmmm ... this might be the time to try some wacky colors.

I guess if one good thing can be found in all this, it's that it didn't happen NEXT weekend.

Well, hope everyone had a better weekend than mine.

Later

Cough, cough, sniff

I'm home sick today, having caught a cold from a co-worker. Yes, the same co-worker from whom I caught a cold right after my surgery to put in my port. The cold that lasted over a week. I don't think it will be that bad this time. I don't feel that awful, but decided to stay home so it wouldn't get worse and I'd have to worry about putting off my next treatment. I'm tired, but my throat's feeling better. I can use the time to start, er finish, my Christmas cards.

It's supposed to snow this weekend, starting tonight and with at least a slight chance until Monday. The Weather Channel doesn't hold much hope for a white Christmas, though. That's OK. It's not like I'm expecting a sled for Christmas. Since I'll be working the day before, the day after and have treatment the Tuesday after Christmas, not dealing with snow would be OK by me.

Where's my Muse?

I really thought I would have a lot more to say.

But lately I can't really think of that much. It's like outside of cancer, I don't have anything worthwhile to talk about.

I thought being a part of Holidailies would maybe rekindle something. So far it really hasn't. I can't ever think of anything that sounds like it would be remotely interesting. Not when I'm sleeping, not when I'm showering ...

It wasn't always like this. I used to write all the time. I had opinions. I wrote poetry. I just wrote. Now I just don't have the urge. Maybe I never should have gotten back into reporting all those years ago. Maybe it burned me out from having something to say and a means to say it. Sometimes I feel like I've lost part of myself and don't know how to get it back. Sometimes I wonder if I want it back. Most of the time, I just don't seem to care.

Feeling good

Today's been a good day. I had my second Herceptin infusion today, and I think I'm going to like Tuesdays.

I had my usual kinda down feeling about work, then had to head out about 1 p.m. to my treatment. I got to the cancer center and when the nurse took me into the treatment room, she offered to bring me some hot chocolate. She got a saline started to flush my port and then brought me a couple of chocolate chip cookies. And after getting my hercepton started and taking my blood pressure, she turned out the light and let me have a nice, hour-long nap. It was a nice break in the workday, and when I got back to the office, I was in a great mood. It helped that I also had to go the library to pick up some photos from the history room for the mystery photo contest, so I took my time and also found myself a couple of books -- Janet Evanovich's "Eleven on Top" and "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. I said last year I was going to read it, having only seen various film and TV adaptions, but didn't get around to it. So this year I will.

After work, Mom came in to town and we picked out our Christmas tree and had dinner out. Yesterday in town, I picked up some cheap plastic Christmas bows to put on the fenceposts by the driveway and repaired my recycled Christmas tree and got it lit up (it's made of instant breakfast drink cans spray painted green on the outside with holes drilled in the back to stick multicolored lights in. It's flimsy and and kinda cheap, but it looks nice on the porch. And it's recycled! Just don't kick it on your way in the door!

Now we're watching the finale of "The Amazing Race." Go Bransons! If the weavers win, I will become an atheist.

Urp

Saturday turned out to not be a great day. A friend from work and I got together for lunch before I had to go to work, which is nice, since neither of us gets out that much. We tried a new bbq place run by a guy who used to work at the paper. We both had the roast beef sandwich, and I added the macaroni salad. We sat and talked for about an hour before I had to get to the office. Awhile later, though, I was not feeling that great. My stomach was definitely unsettled, and it never quite back to normal all day or night. I made a lot of trips to the freezing cold bathroom and went through a half a roll of Tums (why do they even bother trying to flavor them like candy?) and a can of Sprite. I was a bit worried being sick had something to do with my chemo last Tuesday, but Judy stopped by later in the afternoon and said she wasn't feeling too well, either. Plus, my neck was stiff, too, and I couldn't get it to pop or anything. All I wanted to do all night was finish up, drive home real fast and get in my comfy bed with my dog curled up against my stomach and a heating pad on my neck. And when I did, it was heaven.

Today, I took it easy. Slept in and started some laundry. Watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I laughed out loud several times. Johnny Depp was charmingly creepy. I'd have to say I like this better than the Gene Wilder version of the story, but that's got an appeal all its own.

Nipper and I took a walk to Dad's house, where Mom had gone after getting work this morning. They were standing out on the porch, watching us arrive. It was funny, because when we were getting ready for our walk, I said to Nipper, "We could go walk to Dad's." And that's exactly what he wanted to do. Normally, when we get to 10th street, we'll head east to the park, but he just wanted to go north -- which we never do. He wanted to follow the road, though. I had to make him cut across the ballfields, which he was happy to do once he figured out that meant I'd take his leash off for awhile.

We visited with Mom & Dad for awhile, and then headed for home with Mom in her truck. She's taking a nap now so we can watch the "Survivor" finale tonight. I'm hoping Danni wins it -- not just because she's from my home state, but because it would be a nice come-from-behind kind of win from someone who was kind of numerically on the odds out of winning. At least I don't HATE any of the last contestants this time. Lydia is maybe the only one who hasn't really played the game, floating along on others' coattails, but she has gotten farther than many.

"Survivor" ends tonight, "Amazing Race" on Tuesday ... can't they time these things a little better? What are we supposed to watch after this week?

I suppose there's always books.

Good one.

It was so darn cold at the office Thursday, that Friday I decided I'd be prepared. I had on the thick thermal underwear, jeans, my company sweatshirt with a hoodie underneath ... I was ready. And of course, it was warm in the office yesterday.

At least it was a decent day, work-wise. Nothing too annoying, but the news was slow. I did page one, and wasn't real happy with it since there just wasn't much to put there. I'm on desk for the Sunday paper today, too, and while there's not a lot of news for us, I had a little fun with the design for page one yesterday. I usually don't get to do too much in any special designing projects. I guess I'm a bit too traditional for what the bosses want. Stick to just a couple, maybe three, fonts and that's it. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Sometimes I think we cross the line in our page one designs in how outrageous they get. Kind of gaudy, sometimes. Sure, it's fun to design, but you still should have your page one say "this is a newspaper." Not "look, we have computers!"

Anyway, I have to go fill the birdfeeders. It's not as cold today, already about 40 degrees, but the critters need their fuel. And Nipper needs to get out and play. We've hardly been out all week, so I'll bundle up and take him down to the creek for awhile. He'll be happy.

Brrrr!

Today was just freezing! It was below zero when I woke up, and I don't think it warmed up much over about 15 degrees above zero during the day. I wore two layers top and bottom to work and that wasn't even enough. I put on my ever-present sweater I keep at work (even wear it during the summer, that's how screwey our system is) and by the afternoon had a blanket across my lap. And I was still cold.

And don't even get me started on the women's bathroom. I swear I saw ice forming in the toilet bowl.

Fortunately, I have a decent car now, and it warms up pretty good. Still, today, it took about half my 15-minute commute for the CRV to warm up nicely. In the old 89 Mustang I used to have, I wouldn't have even bothered turning on the heater on a day like today. I wouldn't have driven as fast over parts of the road, either.

No more adverse affects from Tuesday's chemo, so that's good. There's some good news about Herceptin today (which is what I started on Tuesday), but there's also some not so great news about breast cancer.

Yawn

My first-ever Hollidailies entry and there's nothing to report. It's been quiet today, especially compared to yesterday, but maybe that's a good thing. I'm kind of tired, but not like the days after my past rounds of chemo. I've been taking it easy, in case I do have another allergic reaction, but I've gotten some things done around the house. Unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the dirty dishes (after taking a break) and even scooped some snow off the walk after filling the birdfeeders this morning.

Finished watching "The Pacifier" a bit ago, and it wasn't too bad. I wouldn't give it four stars, but it was a good snowy-day distraction. Maybe I'll do some surfing and then get back to my book, "murder@maggody.com," by Joan Hess. I don't remember reading this one, but I do know I read the one after this one in the series. So either I skipped this one or the chemo brain erased it completely!

Tonight, not much planned. Maybe I'll just finish the book and go back to the library tomorrow and see if they got anything good in over the last few days. Maybe I'll see if they're getting then new Sue Grafton Kinsey Milhone novel, "S is for Silence." It wasn't in their electronic card catalog the other day. There's usually a waiting list for her books though, so if you're reading it now, don't spoil it for me!

Is there anything worse than daytime TV? Yeesh.

Didn't go so well

Back from my treatment this afternoon, and it was a bit of a doozey. It went OK at first with the usual anti-nausea drugs I get first, but I didn't immediately fall asleep this time. Then came the Hercepton, which went fine.

Then I got the Taxotere. At first it was just a slow drip and the nurse stayed in the room to make sure I wouldn't have any adverse reaction. After about 15 minutes, she said she would increase the drip, and no sooner did she sit back down when I started feeling a bit flushed and there was a bit of tightness in my chest. Mom said my face got red and my eyes lost color and my hands went pale. About the time the nurse asked if I was OK for the second time, boom! My chest tightened like an accordion! She turned off the flow on IV drip and called for help. Suddenly there was another nurse putting oxygen tubes in my nose, the first nurse was putting one of those finger pulse-readers on me, and a doctor came in the room and listened to my breathing through a stethoscope, then my regular doctor came in ... there were about half a dozen medical personnel in the room all checking on me, doing this and that.

My heart rate went up to about 100 beats per minute and didn't come down much further in the half-hour I waited there. It was all kind of scary there for a bit, but the staff all seemed to know exactly what to do, so that helped keep me from panicking. They said this happens about once a month.

I'm back home and feeling OK now. Have some medicine to take to help keep any allergic reaction from popping up again. I'm tired though, so probably will be taking tomorrow off. I didn't get much of the Taxotere, so the side effects shouldn't be too bad.

I go back in next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that for the Herceptin. On the second Tuesday, I'll visit again with my oncologist and lay out another plan for treatment. It could be Taxol instead, but that's in the same family as Taxotere, so I could have the same reaction to it. So I guess we'll see.

All in all, this one was an interesting day.

A bit tired

My legs hurt. Like I've been walking all day. But I haven't. Haven't even taken a walk with the dog today (it was only in the 30s).

I took Decadron for the first time this morning. It's a steroid that's supposed to help keep me from having an allergic reaction to the Taxotere. I don't know if that's the cause of my leg pain or if it's the Muga test I had today. I think I talked about this before. Basically, I have my blood drawn, the tech adds some radiological material to it, lets it set up for about half and hour and then injects it back in my body. A special camera that picks up the radiation then takes a picture of of my body. Today they focused on my chest to see if my heart is in good enough shape. I have to have an output of 50 percent. I think it's mainly in relation to getting the Herceptin, as that can cause heart damage itself (not permanent, though.) I'll have to have this test about every eight weeks to make sure I'm OK.

Tomorrow is the first chemo with the Taxotere. I'm a little nervous. It has the same basic side effects as the previous drugs I had, but also there can be numbness or pain in the hands, and fingernail discoloration (in rare cases, the fingernails can fall out). I could react completely different with this one as far as the nausea, or it could be the same as the last rounds. I hope I don't have problems with my hands, since that could make working on a computer difficult. Tune in Wednesday to find out.

In the mood?

I woke up this morning to falling snow. Not the wind-driven blizzard kind, but just a light powdery kind gently drifting to the ground. I bundled up and took Nipper with me to refill the bird feeders and we tramped around the creek together and played in the backyard for awhile. Now we're sitting on my bed where I can look out the window and watch the birds at the feeders while sipping hot chocolate and nibbling on shortbread cookies while listening to "A Charlie Brown Christmas." The snow is getting lighter now, but it's the perfect kind to remind you of the season.

Outside at the feeders are a couple of female cardinals (unusual to see), juncos, house finches, gold finches (in their winter green/gray), numerous sparrows and even a mourning dove. I've seen four doves at the feeders at once. Usually I don't see them at all. It must be a tough winter for the birds.

I found out recently that a couple of people I know with breast cancer have had recurrences. One is my mom's college friend, Bonnie, who has been a real inspiration. She's dealt with bc about five times in the last decade or so. She's taking a drug now to try to reduce the tumors. The other is an online friend who has been dealing with bc a couple years and provided some comfort and guidance after I was diagnosed. She had surgery recently to remove one tumor from her brain, and has several more that they will have to figure out how to deal with. I send my best hopes for both of them.

Not much on the schedule for today. Laundry. Maybe some reading. Maybe some online Christmas shopping. Just a nice, quiet weekend. Hope yours is, too.

Later

Blechy feeling

Today I feel like crap. I had a flu shot and pneumonia shot yesterday during my doctor's visit, and today I have been feeling it. My arm hurts like hell and last night I was feeling achey. I didn't feel much better this morning, but went to work anyway. I probably shouldn't have, because I felt miserable all morning and got snippy with a couple of people when I normally wouldn't have.

I came home after we finished up the paper at 1 p.m. and slept for practically the whole afternoon. I feel better tonight, but still feel a bit fatigued and my shoulder still hurts.

Goodbye, and round two

My brother left this morning. He delayed his departure a day because of the weather, but today was much better. The interstate had been closed since Sunday -- more than 400 miles westbound all the way to Denver -- and it opened early this morning. I drove that way (eastbound) into town this morning and the traffic going the other way was incredible, even hours after it opened. All I kept thinking was "We got us a convoy!" (If you're not old enough to know what that means, Google it.)

Saying goodbye to my brother usually isn't that big a deal. We see him usually just once a year, but it always wasn't that hard to say "see you next year." But this time it was hard. I had difficulty saying the word "goodbye" because I got all choked up. Maybe it's because in the back of my mind is always the thought "what if I hadn't found the lump?" This could have been the last time we saw each other. That's hard to take when something brings that thought bubbling up to the surface.

On a different note, I had a visit with the oncologist today. The bad news is I won't get through the holidays chemo-free. The good news is I'll be through with chemo by early spring. Maybe I'll have enough hair by summer it'll just look like a warm-weather crop.

I start next week. This time, I'll be getting just one drug, taxotere. It has a lot of the same type of side effects as the drugs I got previously -- fatigue, nausea, etc. That will be on the same schedule as the previous rounds, once every three weeks for about three months. In addition, I'll also start on herceptin, once a week for a year. After I finish with the taxotere, I'll have five weeks of radiation. That will be done five days a week. So, except for the herceptin, I'll be all done with this by April!

I hope I'll have as easy a time as I did with the other drugs. I've been pretty lucky, from what I've read of other people's experiences with the side effects. And hopefully this will be the last time I have to go through with it.

Winter is here

It's been an odd day today. It started out fairly nice -- sunshine, partly cloudy, temperature around 50. I took Nipper for his walk a little after 10:30 a.m. because I knew that was going to change. But I didn't know just how much.

By the time we got to the campground on the other side of town, the skies had turned gray and a stiff breeze was blowing from the north. By the time we got back home, I was feeling raindrops. The forecast at that time was still calling for just rain during the day, turning to snow overnight with about an inch by morning.

I got some laundry done and started the dishwasher, and then we headed over to dad's, probably around 1 p.m. Within a couple hours, the snow had changed to rain. And it was really coming down. Mom, bro and I left dad's about 5:30. The cars were covered with slush, and the roads were starting to get slushy too. And the wind was howling from the north.

About 8 p.m., the power went out for a few minutes. Mom debated hitting the road for work. The Interstate is closed from about 50 miles east of here to the Colorado line, and checking with the highway patrol, they had already worked one accident on the old U.S. highway.

Mom took off early for work. She called just a bit ago. She was able to get on the Interstate and follow in someone's tracks. Another driver from here caught up to her -- turned out it was a co-worker also on his way in. It took her about twice as long to get to work as normal.

Power was out again for about 20 or 30 minutes, and it just blinked off again. The lights keep flickering. I told Dad he can come over here if he doesn't get power back and wants to keep warm. I'd probably need to go get him since my CRV has available four-wheel drive.

My brother is thinking he might stay an extra day, since this stuff might continue tomorrow morning. They just said on the news travelers are being put up in high schools and community buildings. The interstate might be closed about 60 miles further east.

All this and in eastern Kansas, there were severe thunderstorms and tornados today.

I don't think I'll be sleeping good tonight.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hope everybody had a good one. Ours was nice and quiet and full of good food.

I slept in 'til about 9:30, then puttered around while I got woke up. Dad & my brother came over around 11 a.m. and we all watched "Star Wars," then started getting things ready to cook dinner over at Dad's house. I took Nipper for a good walk. It was a sunny day, a bit chilly, but it was a nice walk. We eventually all ended up at Dad's by midafternoon while dinner cooked and we watched the football game. Well, Dad watched and I just kind of sat around. It's best to stay out of Mom's way when she's cooking.

We had a good dinner -- turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, gravy, rolls, peas and corn, salad -- and all had to sit around a bit before tackling the apple pie. We watched "Survivor," played some games and finally, when Nipper started giving us that "can we go home" look, we packed things up at about 10 p.m. and Mom & I came home.

Tomorrow, back to work. Avoiding the shopping at all costs. Then a nice weekend and ... back to work. You know the drill.

Quiet week

Dad is all moved in at his new place here in town, and my brother arrived Monday for his Thanksgiving visit. It's good to have everyone all together again, and even better now that Dad and bro don't have to sleep on the couch or the floor, especially since I have to work most of the week. I always hated having to get ready for work while they were sleeping in the living room.

I'm off Thursday, and we'll be having dinner at Dad's, since he's got an actual dining room with an actual dining table. He still needs some more seating in the living room, but we'll make do.

Nipper has been to his house a couple times now, and he does his usual thing. After about five minutes, he starts giving me that "can we go home?" look. And when he realizes we're not going anywhere, he finds a place to settle down and pouts. He did seem to enjoy lying on the porch there the other day. It was fairly warm and the porch faces south, so it had plenty of sunshine.

Not much else is going on. Tomorrow a couple of us from work are meeting for lunch with a former co-worker who now lives in Indiana and another former co-worker who quit about a month or so ago. It'll be good to see both of them again and get caught up. I haven't seen J. since right after I was diagnosed, but I know she checks in here so she's at least seen a picture of me without my hair.

Everyone seems to take it pretty well, not really making any kind of comment about how I look. When out in public, I keep looking around a lot to see if anyone's staring or making comments. It's only happened a couple of times, really, so it hasn't been a pain.

Well, not much going on this week. Next Tuesday I find out what the rest of my treatment will be, so I'll have more then. To all in the U.S., have a happy Thanksgiving if you don't check in before then, and don't go too crazy on Black Friday.

Back among the living ... if you can call it that

I am out of my "isolation chamber" at work and back in the newsroom! It wasn't a huge adjustment to make, getting used to being around people again. I'd missed the chatter on the scanner and the joking between reporters and editors. I do miss, however, being able to play my CDs kinda loud and having a private place to talk. But I'll be back there in a little over a month anyway when I prepare for my next round of treatment. I'll know on the 29th what that schedule will be, but at last word it won't start until after Christmas. So probably a week or so before, depending on how many cold/flu bugs are running around the office, I'll move back into my "office." Maybe by then I'll have some new music.

The sutures from my surgery are healing pretty well, although the upper one is still looking kinda icky at one end. It's still red and a bit swollen, even though I've been putting an antibiotic cream on it at least a couple times a day (well, almost). I've taken to cleaning it with a cotton swab the last couple days, and while a little gross, it looks a little better. I'll see what the surgeon says on Friday.

Tomorrow, Mom and I head off southeast with her truck and will return with not only it loaded up, but also a U-Haul to move my dad up here. It might be a bit strange having both my parents that close again, but it'll be good too. He'll be around if we need the help when my treatment starts up again, and he'll be close by in case he needs us too. So maybe no report tomorrow, but probably Friday after meeting with the surgeon.

Getting better

The sutures aren't painful at all now, just kind of annoying. I was able to take a decent shower this morning with just a slight discomfort. Up until yesterday, I had to hurry through my shower because going braless was just uncomfortable as hell. Maybe tonight I'll try sleeping without one. Maybe.

Finished up my first week back at work. It was only a three-day work week, but it seemed long enough. I'm not sure I even like what I do anymore. It's not the same, not as satisfying or even interesting to me. It's frustrating more often than not. I don't think it's just the particular place I'm at either. It seems like the industry as a whole is changing, and not for the better. Part of me thinks I should stick it out and fight for what journalism should be, and another part of me is saying know when the battle is lost.

Unfortunately, there's not a lot of call where I'm at for the kinds of talent and skill I have. And other jobs around here pay far less and/or have lesser benefits. And maybe now isn't the best time to making that kind of change in my life. So I guess I just have to muddle through and hope something will happen that might spark some interest in what I do again.

Well, the weekend is here at least. I should get my car in for an oil change, and maybe a wash since it's fairly nice. Maybe a trip to the library to find something to read the rest of the weekend.

Back to reality

Today was my first day back at work since the surgery. It wasn't as awful as I had been dreading early this week. It was good to see people again, and everybody was pretty happy about my news from the surgery. I might be able to get moved out of the "isolation chamber" back into the newsroom for awhile, since I won't have any treatment for several weeks and my blood counts are good. Of course, as it gets later into December, I'll have to be more careful about being around anyone who's got a cold or something catching. But if I can get back into the newsroom for at least a few weeks, I think that will help my outlook quite a bit.

All OK

Saw the surgeon this morning for all of three seconds. She took a quick look, said it's just a reaction to the sutures and some antibiotic cream will be enough.

Didn't sleep well last night, so I'm off for a nap.

Ugh

Just looked at my sutures, and one of them appears to be infected. It's the one under my arm, the one the surgeon made to check the lymph nodes. One end of the incision is red and kind of swollen, and it looks like there's some pus. Not pleasant (hope you aren't eating while reading this). The other one -- the one she used to go after the lump -- looks OK. I have a call in to my surgeon. I'll update again after I hear from her.

UPDATE, 6:00 p.m. I'll see the surgeon tomorrow morning.

A fine day

Had the follow-up visit with my surgeon this afternoon, and it was good all around. She said when my reports came into the cancer center yesterday, they were jumping up and down! The cancer is gone. I'll have to have a mammogram after the first of the year (after my breast "calms down" from the surgery -- what a mental picture that makes!) just to make sure, but she's pretty confident that it's 100 percent gone!

That doesn't mean I'm out of the woods yet, though. I still have to finish my chemotherapy, another three months, and that will be followed by several weeks of radiation. That won't likely start until after Christmas, though, from what my oncologist told me at the last visit. I'll see her again around the end of this month and will learn more then.

After the doctor's visit, my parents took me to Home Depot and bought me my Christmas present -- a storm door for the front door of my house. That'll be nice, since the door is on the north side of the house. It might be my birthday present, too, but that's OK. It's needed.

Getting a little tired and I'm a bit sore, so I think I'm off for a nap.

Later

Getting better

At least that's what I keep telling myself. I'm still pretty sore from the surgery, but it has been only two days. Sleeping isn't as difficult as I thought it might be. As long as I can prop myself up with enough pillows, I seem to be comfortable enough. The percocet helps, too.

It's been pretty slow around here, but that's what I need. I wish it wasn't so nice out, though, since I'm not really up for getting out and enjoying it. It's been in the 70s and today is supposed to be in the 80s. Maybe I'll at least go sit outside with Nipper for awhile this afternoon.

Watched "Monster In Law" this morning. Get that sent back to Netflix today and see if I can get Star Wars before I have to go back to work.

Not much else to report. Maybe later.

Me again

Thanks, Bec for posting an update today. I was certainly in no shape to do it myself.

I'm doing better now, though, after sleeping most of the day. I'm sore, but don't have a lot of pain, thanks to the percocet. I am able to get up and move around by myself, and am moving my arm a little bit, as the doctor told me to, so it doesn't get too stiff.

I'm taking at least a week off from work, so guess I'll get a lot of movie watching and reading done. My dad came up for a few days to help out. I guess he's staying until Saturday.

Well, "Amazing Race" is on, so I'll sign off now. Tune in tomorrow!

She's Home!

Update! Update! Update!
Surgery is over and Juno is home! Juno's Mom indicates that surgery went very well and there is FANTASTIC news---her lymph nodes were negative of cancer cells and the tumor appears to be gone! Yippeeee! She'll soon learn about future treatments, but no more chemo for awhile.

Juno and her parents extend their thanks for all the thoughts and prayers--THEY WORK!

Personally, I'd like to thank Juno for sharing the details of her battle with this horrible disease. I appreciate the honesty and enjoy the humor which she frequently draws upon. I hope with all my heart that the worst is now behind her!

-posted by Bec

Happy Halloweeeeeeen!

We've had more trick-or-treaters tonight than we've had in the last two years combined. One pair I swear was a teenage girl and her mother! Then there were the three teenage boys who were more interested in dad's cigarette butts in the sand bucket on the porch. You know, if you can drive yourself around the neighborhood, you're maybe too old for tricks and treats.

It's after 8 p.m., and we haven't had any for awhile, so I think I'll dip into the candy bowl.

Tomorrow is surgery day. I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 a.m., and of course tomorrow is supposed to be the coldest morning of the week. Hopefully, it'll just be an outpatient deal. I'll update if I can tomorrow, or maybe between Mom and my friend Bec an update will get posted.

So, to keep my mind off things, here's a Halloween memory:
In my small hometown when I was growing up, the Wicked Witch of the West would come to town every year. Her tent would be set up Halloween night on an empty corner lot downtown. It was decorated with "graves" with hands and feet sticking out and grave markers that said things like "Here lies Less More. No less, no more." Hundreds of kids would be lined up most of the evening to get their "poisoned" apple and some candy from the witch, who sat on her throne. Milling about the crowd would be "the good fairy," (one of the local bankers, who sported a thin, dark mustache and wore pink leotards and a tutu) would hand out shiny new pennies to ward off the witch's curses. There was a tent with hot cider and coffee for the grown-ups. It was always a fun evening.

The best part, though, would be before Halloween night. The witch would run around town, not on her broom, but in a Model-T with personalized "Witch" license plates, chased by a police car, lights and sirens running. She would always stop by the schools, and we could always hear the police siren and know she was coming. Then her screech -- "Happy HalloweeeeEEEEeeen!" would echo through the hallways. The teachers hated it, but we loved it. She would burst into each classroom and greet us in her best witchy cackle and ask if we were going trick or treating and tell us to be sure to stop by downtown for our treats. Then she'd be off, and a couple moments later, the cop would come by, cuffs in one hand, club in the other and ask "Which way did she go?" We'd all laugh and point about six different directions.

A few years later, my mom became business partners with the woman who played the witch, so I got some behind-the-scenes knowledge when I became too grown up for trick-or-treating.

My freshman year in high school, the witch made her rounds as usual. When we heard the police sirens, most of my friends rolled their eyes. "Doesn't she know we're too old for this?" They said.

The next year, we heard the sirens again. Again, my classmates rolled their eyes. But I had the scoop. "She's not coming here this year," I said. "What? Why?" a friend wanted to know. "Maydog (our nickname for the principal) asked her not to come in this year because it disrupts the school day," I replied. "What? He can't do that! Doesn't he know it's a tradition?" My friends were just outraged all day long. They seemed to have a very short memory.

Happy Halloween, everyone.

Getting closer

Less than two days and I go into surgery again, this time for the lumpectomy. I'm a bit nervous. It'll be only the second time I've ever had surgery, and this time I'll be completely under. Hopefully it'll all go well. I trust my surgeon, though. I just hope I don't have to say overnight. If they have to take any lymph nodes, then they'll have to put in a drain and keep me overnight and make sure I know how to handle it. Otherwise, I should just be able to go home.

My dad is here for a few days while I get through the surgery. He'll be moving up here later this month. It'll be good to have him closer, in case Mom and I need the help while my treatment continues, and nice to have him near since he's getting older too. I worry about him sometimes living so far away.

Nipper is doing well. He hasn't had any problems since we started him on the herbal supplement for his liver. He even reminds us when it's time for his "magic cheese."

Not much to say this time around. I'll have more to say probably after the surgery, whenever I feel up to it, so check back sometime late Tuesday.

Random weekend thoughts

Another weekend where I'd planned on getting some stuff done, and my body changes plans. When I woke up Saturday, I was tired. Actually, I first woke up around 4 a.m. and after letting Nipper out to do his thing, couldn't get back to sleep until around 6 a.m. Actually, I've been that way all week. Didn't make work much fun. Back to Saturday, all I really could do was lay around, watch some TV and nap. I did get one load of laundry in the wash, changed my bedsheets and walked the dog, so it wasn't a total waste of a day. Of course, I still have laundry to do. And all those other things I wanted to get done this weekend. I feel a bit better today, though, so maybe I can cross a couple of them off the list.

Some yahoo in a single-engine plane has been buzzing town for several minutes now. It's annoying.

I had a big zit IN my nose all last week that HURT. I finally got it popped Friday. Now the inside of my nose is all scabby-feeling. Add my gunky left eye with a slight infection in the lower eyelid, and I bet I looked great. Red, puffy eye and red, puffy nostril. I didn't feel like I looked great.

I won't go into details of the digestive problems I've been having this weekend. You're welcome.

Cancer ... it ain't glamorous.

Would someone tell that pilot there is no airport here? And to get out of the sky already?

Maybe I'll go clean my desk off and get my stuff and thoughts more organized for later.

Finally

Hey! My blog finallly shows up in Google's blogsearch

What they don't tell you

Warning: The following may contain too much information for the squeamish.

It ain't the big things that are always the most frustrating with cancer. Sometimes, it's the little side effects they just kind of gloss over that cause the most problems. Like, for instance, that the chemo drugs also kill the bacteria in your digestive system. I've had constipation and diarrhea in the same day. Heartburn is frequent. I wouldn't have to worry about the predicted cost increases if I could only figure a way to heat my home with my own gas. You get the idea.

Just had to get that out. As you were.

I rant for life

I just watched tonight's "Dateline NBC" interview with Melissa Etheridge that I taped earlier tonight. I like her music, I respect her for standing for what she believes in, but I think she -- and the media hungry for a ratings bonanza -- are presenting a false picture to future cancer patients in talking about her experience.

On Dateline, Etheridge said she decided to forgo the prescription drugs for a "natural" method -- medical marijuana.

I understand that everyone's experience with cancer treatment is different. I've had it fairly easy, so maybe I'm not understanding what she's talking about. But if what you're using to ease the side effects of chemo leaves you "in another place," glassy eyed, in pain and unable to speak for several days, maybe what you're using ain't working, honey.

Go check out the discussion boards at breastcancer.org. There's a lot of people going through "dose dense" chemo like Etheridge did, but they don't sound like they're near death. In fact, there's a lot of criticism of her talking about this. There was also criticism of when she was Oprah's show a few weeks back (a whole 10-minute interview) that her description of her reaction to chemo -- "that it's taking you as close to death" as you can get -- would have scared a few people off from that treatment if they hadn't already started it. It would have for me.

Really, it should be the media outlets that get the criticism. Especially "Dateline," which is supposed to be a news program. How about presenting a balanced view, NBC? How about the story of an ordinary woman going through breast cancer treatment? Someone who isn't a millionaire rock star who can "erase" six months of her life for treatment without worrying about how to feed her family or if the lights will get shut off? How about breast cancer patients who don't find chemo puts them near death and go back to work two days (or less) after their treatment day? This is the kind of crap that makes me sorry I chose journalism as a career field.

But that's a whole other topic.

Rest of the weekend

The Day of Caring was kind of fun. I'm not a fashion-type gal, but it was fun watching some of the models, who had done it before, and they obviously enjoyed it and had fun with it. Which is what the morning was all of about -- just feeling normal.

I thought the speaker, Susan Hess, was interesting. She's a therapist who uses music in her sessions, and using a native drum, flute and guitar she talked about how cancer affects your life. You go along through life to a certain rythm, and something like cancer suddenly changes that rythm. Treatment is another rythm. Grieving, and then getting on with life after cancer each have their own rythms. She advised finding your own music for each stage. It may sound all new-agey, but I believe in it. I think if I get an iPod and get it engraved, I'll have it say something like "JunO's Medicine Bag."

Today, I think maybe I did too much this morning, because now I'm just kind of dragging. I slept late, since some hay fever kept me up a couple of hours, but I got some laundry started and hung out and put up my new squirrel feeder and bird feeders, which I scrubbed clean Saturday afternoon. And all afternoon today, I've just been kind of laying around, in between getting a few loads of laundry done. It was kind of a beautiful fall day for not doing much anyway. We won't have too many of those left, I imagine.

It's set

Went to bed early last night and forgot about posting. Oh well.

Met with the surgeon Friday morning and had another sonogram. There is still a small tumor there, she thinks, but she believes it is dead tissue. She showed us the latest one compared to the first sonogram, and the tissue that's there is certainly not as large nor as black as the first one!

The lumpectomy is scheduled for the morning of Nov. 1. I have to be there bright and early at 6:30 a.m.! She won't know until she actually cuts me open if it'll be an outpatient surgery or if I'll have to stay overnight. If she has to take any lymph nodes from under my arm, then I'll stay overnight because they'll have to put a drain in and I'll have to learn to deal with that until my body figures out it's got to do some rerouting. If they don't have to take lymph nodes, then I can go home that day. Either way, I think I'll take the rest of the week off. I probably won't feel much like working anyway.

She'll also remove the lump and some of the surrounding breast tissue, then they'll X-ray that to make sure she got enough clear tissue surrounding the cancer. If not, back in she goes to remove some more. I'll be completely under the whole time, at least so it's not like I'll be laying around trying to make small talk.

I'm a little nervous, since this will be only the second surgery I've had in my life, and far more extensive than having the port put in. But it'll be worth it. Maybe I can be over this a lot faster.

My surgeon also said there might be radiation to follow, once I recover from the surgery. That would be once a day, five days a week for I think about seven weeks. Radiation is more localized treatment than chemo, so I guess that's good, but time to do some more research. I'm sure she and my oncologist will be visiting soon anyway and figure out what they think is best. Maybe more chemo, maybe not. We'll see.

Got to go shower and get dressed. Today is the Day of Caring here, a brunch and fashion show for women with cancer. I'm not that much into fashion, but it's a reason to get out of the house anyway!

Later

Two-small Thursday

It's the second full day after chemo, and possibly one of the worst in the cycle. It's hard to explain, but the best way I can put is it's like when you're wearing a shirt that's too small, how it feel across your back and under your arms, around your neck ... that's how my skin feels. Like I put on the wrong torso skin and it's just too small.

My whole body feels kind of tender, but the torso especially so. I don't want to be touched or touch anything, even my clothes to some extent. I can't sit or lie down comfortably, so I have to take something in order to sleep. It'll last a couple days and then I'll be on my way to feeling OK.

Today I also fee l a little more run down than I normally do at this point. Maybe it's because yesterday I actually felt pretty good, compared to past treatments. Instead of just laying around all day, I did manage to take Nipper for a short walk, clean up my closet and change the sheets on my bed. There was a lot of resting in between, though, and I was dead tired by 9:30 p.m. I managed to stay awake through the end of "CSI:New York." I don't know if I could do the same for "Without a Trace" tonight, though. It hasn't really captured my interest so far.

I visit with the surgeon tomorrow, so hopefully will have more good news!

Treatment Tuesday

So today was my fourth treatment -- and the last for awhile. I'll probably have a lumpectomy on Nov. 1, will see my oncologist sometime before Thanksgiving, but won't have to start back on chemo until after Christmas! Happy holidays, indeed.

Today, I was able to stay awake longer than I have the last couple of times. I came in later too, but I don't know if that had any effect. We got to the cancer center about 10 a.m., waiting a few minutes to see the nurse in the exam room where she checked my weight, blood pressure and temperature, and went over the drugs I'm taking and any other problems I might be having.

After a few more minutes wait, Dr. Fields burst into the room (she's got a LOT of energy) and we chatted a bit. She did the "open your mouth and say ahhh" bit, had me follow her finger with my eyes and how well I could press or pull my arms and legs against hers. Everything seemed to check out OK.

Then it was off to the treatment room, where first I had to give a sample for a pregnancy test. I know they have rules, but come on. I have cancer, feel blechy a lot, am bald and my mother lives with me. How much action do they think I'm getting? Anyway, rules are rules. They mix up the chemo drugs, and then it's time to start. They spray my port site with a freeze spray to numb it, then insert the needle and make sure it's got a good blood draw. First is a couple anti-nausea drugs, followed by three chemo drugs. The first and third ones are "pushed," or when the nurse uses a syringe to infuse it. The second one is through a drip IV. The whole process takes about three hours.

Since we went in later today, I got to have lunch brought to me. It really wasn't too bad -- baked chicken breast, baked potato, corn, a corn/rice/celery soup and I think it was carrot cake and iced tea.

We came home around 1:30 to 2 p.m. and I went right to bed. I didn't wake up until just after 5 p.m. Didn't do too much until dinner, Cream of Wheat and a piece of toast, and continued laying around to watch "Navy NCIS" and "Amazing Race." Had some hot chocolate, snuggled with Nipper a lot and that's about it. Probably going to bed soon, and I imagine I'll be home tomorrow. Then it's a visit with Dr. K on Friday. We'll see then how much smaller the tumor is and how that might effect the surgery and what she might recommend for future treatment.

See you tomorrow.

Sunday

The Sundays before my treatment kind of suck. It's worked out where I work the desk at the paper the Saturday before my treatments. That's good on one hand, because I can use my comp day for my treatment instead of a sick day. But on the other hand, I don't get a real weekend. And working all afternoon and all night (about 1 p.m. to midnight) Saturday putting together the front section of the Sunday paper is really more taxing than it probably sounds. Anymore those Sundays are just a waste, because I'm tired -- more mentally than anything -- and don't get around to doing much. A second day off always helped me get things done, whether it was laundry or running errands in town.

I didn't get anything done today other than walking the dog. I need to do laundry and clean up my closet and I should sift through all the crap piled up on my desk one of these days. I've been taking the Wednesday after my treatment off, but I'm still really too tired to do anything then. So I guess for another week, not much will get done.

We had our breast cancer month package in today's paper, and I think it turned out pretty good. It was nice to be able to have some time to work on it, instead of just having Saturday afternoon, which is how it seems most of my Saturdays turn out. I've already gotten a couple compliments on my column, which I put off writing until Friday night. It wasn't that it was that hard to write, it was just the thought of getting to it. I don't necessarily think it's the best thing I've ever written, but I think it got my thoughts across.

Since you have to be a subscriber to read my paper's online content, here's my part of the package today:

Life can change dramatically in an instant.
For me, that instant came on Mother's Day, when, while getting dressed, I felt a lump in my left breast.
I think on some level, I knew instantly. It was cancer. But I’m only 36. Cancer was something old people get.
Or so I thought.
I put off visiting the doctor for several weeks. I did some research on the Internet. There are many other things besides cancer that can cause lumps in the breast of a woman under 40.
Despite that information, I could not keep the thought out of my head — I have cancer.
I learned on July 8 my instinct was right. After a mammogram and sonogram, a biopsy was ordered. I reported that day to Dr. Christine Kelly’s office.
"I think you’re about to become a Kelly girl," she said moments after entering the exam room. It took awhile for the meaning of that to sink in.
Only two things shocked me as much as getting the news I had breast cancer: that I was the fifth woman under the age of 40 Dr. Kelly had diagnosed at that point in the year, and that practically everyone I told about my cancer said that someone close to them had also had breast cancer.
Even though it seemed my life had changed quickly, the next few weeks seemed to move much too slowly. I had cancer, shouldn't we be moving quickly to treat it? But there needed to be tests done to make sure it hadn't spread --— x-ray, CT scan, bone scan, MRI. All came back OK. It was a great relief. But I was eager to start, to get rid of this thing.
That day came Aug. 9. I was scared. I'’ve always been healthy and hardly even gone to a doctor in my adult life. Now all of a sudden I'’d had tests and surgery to implant a type of catheter in my chest and would soon have drugs more caustic than battery acid infused into my body every three weeks.
I am tired for days after treatment and have had trouble with my white blood cell count. Consequently, at work, I have to be separated from my coworkers so I'm not at as much risk for catching a communicable disease, like a cold, that could be devastating to my body. I miss the business of the newsroom, and my coworkers have to make a special effort just to say "hi." It stinks, but right now it is what keeps me at work as much as possible.
I forget things easily. I don'’t know how many times I've walked into the newsroom or into my kitchen and wondered why. I had an overdraft on my checking account for the first time in five years because I forgot to enter a couple purchases in my checkbook record. If if weren't for my mother helping to keep track of my finances, I would not be paying some of my medical bills in a timely fashion. It's very disconcerting when I read through my journal and have no memory of some of the things I describe.
But several things have set my mind at ease. My parents and brother, who have taken all quite well. It seems we've grown closer and been able to talk more openly. My friends and coworkers, who have all offered support and laughs when I need it. My dog, who is always there for me and doesn't care if I don't have any hair. And especially the medical team, from the staffs at Dr. Katrina Hess' and Dr. Kelly's offices and the staff at Hays Medical Center’s Dreiling/Schmidt Cancer Center. They have all be straightforward about what I would be dealing with, yet comforting at the same time. I've also recently found a group of remarkable women, Sisters of Survival, as another means of support. They know what I am going through and are proof cancer can be a new beginning to life, rather than an end.
Tuesday will be my fourth round of chemotherapy. After that, I'm scheduled for a lumpectomy around the first of November, and then three more months of chemo. The treatment has gone well, for which I am thankful. I haven'’t had the nausea and mouth sores and other side effects that can make treatment awful for some, and at my last sonogram the tumor was almost completely gone. I am confident I will beat this thing. It will never far from my mind though, for the rest of my life. Living with and after cancer is a whole new reality. But I won'’t let it get me.

Nipper's better

Took Nipper to the vet yesterday for a follow-up. His blood test came back good. The doc explained that two weeks ago on his blood test, the indicators for his liver wouldn't even register. She suspects he does have a problem with his liver, but doesn't seem real concerned right now. She's got him on an herbal supplement that has dandelion and milk thistle that's supposed to help his liver and wants us to check back in December. Actually, the supplement she had us get came from a local natural foods store, which helped us save over $80 what it would cost through her office. That's a sign of a good vet, if you ask me. I'm sure Nipper's glad he gets to continue his "magic cheese."

Tonight, I went to a meeting of a local breast cancer support group. I was the youngest person there, which I guess is good and bad, but there were quite a few who aren't that much older than me. It was kind of nice to get out of the house for one, and especially among people who could relate to how I feel and what I'm going through. There's just some things I don't want to talk about with just anyone, for various reasons. The Web is OK for that, but it's not quite the same as having face-to-face contact, so I think this group will be a good thing (is that to Martha-ish?).

It's turning cold in our area -- it could get to freezing tonight. Got to go put my cactus plants somewhere safe.

As I was saying ....

I just spent about 15 minutes writing a post, previewed it, then clicked the wrong thing and lost it all. You'd think I could've just clicked my back button, BUT NooooOOOOOoooooo! Thanks a lot, Blogger. (why does Blogger's spellchecker not know "Blogger"?)

Anyway, as I was going to say, last week was OK, but not the best. It seems the effects of the chemo drugs might be a bit accumulative. Normally on the second week of the treatment cycle, I'm on my way to feeling pretty good. But all last week my stomach was a bit queasy, and it seemed the "chemo brain" was worse. I was clumsier than usual, and more forgetful. There were several times I walked out into the newsroom, and couldn't remember why. I was almost in a car accident Friday. I was going to change lanes, signaled, looked behind me and moved into the lane and got honked at by someone who I swear was not there before. I adjusted my mirrors and am real careful driving in city traffic, but it was unnerving.

I also got into a fight with my boss Friday just before the end of the day. We both were shouting at each other. He apologized for his behavior, which I appreciated, but I just kind of mumbled "me too." Not to play the cancer card, but well, hell I have cancer. It, and the future, are on my mind a lot. Not to mention that I have some pretty serious drugs put into me that wreak havoc with my brain and body. I'm going to be moody. And I don't know what will set me off until it happens. Like this morning, our reporter who is writing some stories for breast cancer month e-mailed one of her stories about a support group to me for my opinion. She had invited me to sit in with her on the interview with several of the members last week, and that got emotional at times. But reading that story this morning, I had to close the door to my work area for about five minutes as I cried. I had already heard these women's experiences, but reading about it set me off all over again. I hadn't expected that at all. I just hope I can design the package for Sunday without blubbering like an idiot the whole time.

On to other things. Nipper seems to be doing better. He's eating more of his dog food, not that that stops him from wanting our food any less! He'll go to see the vet tomorrow afternoon, but I'm not sure what to expect. I guess we'll see whether or not she wants to do another ultrasound or blood test or what. I don't know what Nip will do if he doesn't get more pills to take. I always wrap his pills in Velveeta to make it easier to give to him, and call it his "magic cheese." He's come to expect it the last couple weeks, and if we forget he reminds us with The Stare that dogs are so good at doing. I'm sure he'll still expect it after tomorrow.

Mom finished up two skullcaps for me today -- one with chili peppers and one with pumpkins. I also got package today from my brother with a scarf with cool fall colors, a beige skullcap in a neat textured fabric and a cool one with silver dragons. Including ones I've bought and others have given me, I now have 4 bandannas, two scarves and 14 skullcaps. And mom still has six fabrics to make more with. We're going to have to get pictures one of these nights. Maybe I'll post "headcover of the day" shots if we do.

We're feeling better

I'm feeling better about how Nipper is doing. I didn't get a chance to call the vet but late last night I looked up his drugs on the manufacturer's Web site, and the side effects listed for one of them is pretty much what he's been going through -- decreased appetite, increased thirst, behavioral changes. So that made me feel better.

He's not as restless tonight, even though we didn't get our walk in. Tomorrow is the citywide cleanup, so Mom and I went through the garage one more time to put some other stuff out to be picked up, and then, well, it was time for "NCIS" and "The Amazing Race."

That's all for now.

Happy birthday, bro!

Today is my big brother's 39th birthday! That
means I have a year to plot something for the big
4-0. Heh heh heh.

Have a good one, bro.

Nipper again

I'm worried about my dog again. It was a week ago tonight he had his trouble and I stayed up half the night with him.

Overall, he seems fine. He's happy when we get home, excited when it's time for a walk, begs for our food when we eat. But he's hardly eaten any dog food in the last week. I can get him to eat a few handfuls if I handfeed him, but he will not eat from his dish. I even washed it real good last night. I'm tempted to try buying a new dish. Maybe there was a big bug in it and that freaked him out.

He's drinking more water than normal, and urinating more than usual. Maybe that's because of his medicine. Tomorrow I call the vet. His stool seems normal.

Tonight he was real restless after we got back from our walk. He wanted to stay out back, then he wanted in. He lied on the oversized chair for a minute than wanted out again. Then he wandered around the house for a couple minutes and wanted out back again, then wanted in. We went out front and sat in the yard for awhile, and he seemed fine then. We came in and he was a bit restless again.

He seemed to settle down a bit when he got up on the couch and kind of half-lay across a throw pillow. Maybe his stomach or whatever is bothering him again and that makes him comfortable. He's dozed a little and seems more relaxed. Hopefully he's stay calm through the night.

More energy

Feeling better today, although I did sleep a lot. Tonight I do feel like I have more energy, so maybe Sunday will be a better day. There's a citywide cleanup on Wednesday, so Mom and I went through the garage some and picked out some stuff to put out -- old lamps and some other junk we always said we'd do something Trading Spaces-worthy with. There's a bit more room in the garage, and maybe tomorrow we'll decide to throw some other things out. There's some boxes and an old mattress that we'll wait until Tuesday night to put out, since there is a chance of rain between now and Wednesday. Feels kind of good to get rid of junk.

Nipper seems to be doing better. He doesn't have his normal level of energy and doesn't hop up on the bed or the couch as quickly, but he seems like he feels better. I'll see what the vet says sometime early next week. Hopefully it's just some kind of infection. Maybe we can find something to get him to quit eating rabbit poop in the back yard. That might help.

Blood test on Monday. Hope my white blood cell count comes out OK this time.

I ticked off my surgeon

I had an appointment with my surgeon this morning, and was expecting her to put a metal clip in my breast where the lump is. Only when she started the sonogram, she could barely find the lump! In her words, it is "virtually gone." I was just in shock when she said that. I certainly don't think she even expected this. Mom said that when she left the exam room she muttered "I knew I should have put that clip in last time."

Anyway, no clip today, but the chemo and lumpectomy are still on. I guess the surgery will be just a bit more difficult for her to find anything, especially since I'll have one more chemo treatment before then. I think I'm still in a bit of shock. I'm going to go hug my dog and have a good cry before I go to work and spread the news there.

Feeling good today

I was dead tired after yesterday's treatment and slept pretty much the rest of the day, except for watching "Navy NCIS" and the finales of "Big Brother" (ho hum) and "Rockstar:INXS" (J.D. will last the contracted year, probably no more than that).

Today is a pretty good day. I haven't had to take much anti-nausea medicine today, other than the emend, and I had to take nap after lunch, but otherwise I'm feeling good. Stayed home from work, though, since the fatigue is the biggest thing I have to deal with. I usually go back to work Thursday and Friday, but both those days I tire out pretty quick, especially on Fridays, which for paginators at least, is the busiest day of the week getting stuff done for Sunday. Not the boss seems to think it's important to get all that done on Friday. Leave it for the Saturday desk person to finish. Never mind that the Saturday desk person already has a 10 to 11 hour workday and is lucky to get a long enough break to zip through McDonald's drive through for something to eat while working at the computer.

Woops, took a wrong turn there. That's for another blog. Anyway, I'm off in a few minutes to get my Neulasta shot and pick up my lawnmower that I took the shop nine days ago and all they apparently did was change the air filter and the shock, despite the fact I told him I suspected an oil leak. I'm making sure one of them can start it before I them a damn dime, though. And if even if they can't start it, or it's spewing a lot of white smoke still, I'm still taking it and finding someone with better customer service.

Still groggy

But I'm feeling good. None of the nausea or anything, just real tired. We picked up Nipper at the vet, came home and all three of just went right to sleep. I slept until about 7 p.m. Maybe. Seems like I had lunch somewhere in there. Chalk it up to chemo head.

Nipper is doing a little better. He gets up and goes outside. Hasn't eaten any dogfood, but he licked the remains of the mashed potatoes I made for dinner, and I think Mom just gave him some toast crusts a bit ago. He's not himself, but he's better.

Mom's pretty tired, too, but at least we got a treatment room with two recliners today, so I think she got some sleep while I was getting treatment, too.

Getting tired again. Just thought I'd give a short update before heading to bed.

Night, all and sweet dreams.

ruff night & day

I'm still groggy from my treatment this morning, so forgive my any typos or weird run-ons.

Today has not turned out the greatest. Not really about me, but my dog.

A little before midnight last night, he acted like he wanted to go out, so I got up, let him out the backdoor and played a Yahoo computer game while I waited. He wasn't out long, maybe 10 or fifteen minutes, and got a long drink of water like he usually does after coming in from taking a pee (refilling, I guess.). He seemed fine. We went back to bed. I crawled in bed, he lied down on the floor. Pretty soon, I reazlied he was making this kind of little groan on a somewhat regular basis. I got on the floor with him, and his breathing was a bit shallow, and every so often, he pull in his lower abdomen sharply, and that's when he groaned. He also didn't want to get up, not to go outside or even for a treat.

I did manage did get him out the front door, but all he did was lie down on the porch, not go out in the grass to go potty or anything. I finally got himinside and he settled on the floor near the TV. I lied down with him and petted and talked to him, and that seemed to help calm down his breathing to something more normal. I was getting myself worried sick that he would die right there, his chin restingon my arm. And I begged God not to him away from me, not yet. I still need my beast friend to help me get through this rough spott in my life. But I shouldn't be so selfish, I guess. If this will be Nipper's time, I should let it be, and let it be as easy as possible.

Mom got home from work about 6 a.m., andshe sat with us for awhile. After she put her head down for a quick nap, and I took a shower and got dressed, we managed to get Nipper on a blanket that we used to carry him *most* of the way to my car. He didn't like it much and got the last part of gettinginto the back of CRV himself. Such a big, brave boy.

We left him at the vet's, describing the symptoms, and headed over to the cancer center. My check in and chemo was pretty routine. The doc was pretty understanding of why I seemed upset when she came in the exam room. Called the vet from the treatment room and they said the vet wanted permission to do an ultrasound. Told them OK, and that we would stop by on our way back home.

The vet visited with us for awhile when we got there. Nipper does have some sort of mass in his abdomen. She said a blood test would be a good first step, to see if he's got infection. Next step has several options. We could have her (the vet) open him and take a look at what's in there, or we could have an ultrasound-guided biopsy, which she says she's not too comfortable with, but knows a vet who is, or we could have a CT scan. The latter two would mean taking him to Manhattan, to the K-State Vet school. That's kind of along drive.

After the blood test results, she called. Mom took it, so I don't have all the details, but she is prescribing a couple antibiotics for him. She thinks the mass is near his liver, but is not affecting how his liver works. So that's some good news. And I think she'd said earlier the mass is fluid filled, which sounds like it's not awful.

He seems a bit more chipper now that we've got him home, but still awful tired A lot like I feel right now.

Back to bed, then. Think of me and Nipper as well.
Thanks
JunO

3rd time

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my third treatment. I'm not as nervous as I was the first two times. Maybe it's because I know what to expect (you could argue that fact, since I pretty much slept through the second one). I have seen where quite a few people say the effects get worse as you go along, but I'm hoping I won't see that happen. Even if it does, the side effects I've suffered have been pretty minimal -- just fatigue for about four of five days, and the low white blood cell counts. As long as I can work most of the time, I'll handle this OK.

Ever since my diagnosis, I've talked with one of the reporters at the newspaper where I work about doing a story or stories on bc, especially on the number of younger women who are being diagnosed (my surgeon said I was the fifth person under the age of 50 from our region she had seen this year). She's looking at doing it next month, for Breast Cancer Awareness Month. The reporter suggested I do a first-person account. I think it is a good idea and that it is important to get the word out about breast cancer. I'm just not sure how much I want to be directly involved in the story. Yes, I have this blog and anyone in the world can read it, but here I do have a certain amount of privacy. The only people who seem to be regular readers here are family and friends whom I've sent the link to. If it's in the paper, then everyone will know. Right now, in my daily off-line life, it's really just family, my co-workers, my mom's co-workers, a couple neighbors and a handful of friends who know. Am I ready be stopped in the soda shop at lunch or in Wal-Mart by strangers who want to talk? Or people from my hometown e-mailing or calling? My privacy is something that's important to me, but I also think it's important to let younger women know they're not immune to breast cancer just because of their age or because it hasn't been in their families.

Obviously, this is something I'll have to give a lot of thought to.

Missed it!

I was at a doctor's appointment this morning (female stuff ... you don't want the details) and missed all the excitement at the office today.

The director of the local humane society came to the office today to talk to the executive editor about an abused dog they took in. She brought it to the office with her. The poor thing has a mangled paw that might be amputated and its tail was just a stump, I was told. But, the first thing it did when it got into the editor's office was to take a dump! Apparently, the odor took over a good portion of the office, too. Our clerk went in the women's room and brought out the perfumy-odor covering spray stuff for his office. But that stuff usually just makes it smell like rosey crap for awhile. By the time I got in from my doctor's appointment, though, I didn't notice anything. The funniest part of all this is that my editor isn't really an animal person. I'm sure this just solidified his feelings ... so to speak.

Of course, after one of the reporters told me about this, I couldn't resist. As I delivered a page proof for my editor to look over, I said "So, what's the latest poop?"

I'm sure it wasn't the only ribbing he got today.

Things are going OK

I hadn't realized I hadn't posted all week. Guess that should be a sign things are going really well. Or really, really bad.

No, just kidding. If things get tough, Mom has e-mails for a bunch of friends, including one who has access to update here, if I can't. So no news is good news.

My white blood cell count was low again on Monday, but they let me go to work this time. I have my "isolation chamber" at work -- it's kind of a storeroom off the conference room, so I'm away from the general population for when my immunity is down or if someone in the newsroom gets sick. It's kind of like having my own office. I can play CDs, but my collection is actually kind of limited. If anyone has any suggestions for some new artists I could check out, PLEASE do so in the comments. I'm getting bored with my '80s compilations, greatest hits, etc. Something new would be nice.

It is kind of lonely in my space, though. One of the things I like most about the newsroom is there's always something going on and it's one big open room, so everyone gets keyed in on what's happening. It might be editors and reporters and photogs working on a story, breaking news, someone's personal news (new grandbabies for a couple of people recently), the stuff reporters hear that would never make it into a story (otherwise known as gossip) or whatever's going on in town via the scanner. I don't get all that, and I do miss it. This week the ad manager had a high school and then a college class in to talk about print advertising, and I was grateful just for the human noise!

But, it's what I've got to do, and will have to for awhile. At least when my WBC is up, I can hang out for awhile in the newsroom in the afternoon and chat, as long as no one's sick.

On the hair front, the fallout seemed to slow over the last week or so, leaving me with some baby-fine covering. But that actually got annoying, because even just the breeze from the ceiling fans would blow it around quite a bit. It doesn't hurt, it's just annoying. So I had Mom trim it down real short the other night, to about a quarter inch. It's much better to deal with now. I don't wake up with a big, dark spot of hair on my pillow (or spitting hair out of my mouth) and the shower drains much better! So all is good. As can be.

Long weekend

Day two of the three-day weekend. Hope everyone is doing OK. I know it's not a holiday for a good number of people in the South and their relatives across the country. I wish I could do something to help. Watching the coverage on the news of all the evacuees and those still looking for help in the devastated areas makes me depressed. I can't believe sometimes I'm seeing something in our own country. And I can't believe the lack of immediate response from the federal government. It's not like this hurricane just appeared out of nowhere in one afternoon and surprised us.

It's been five days since my second treatment, and I feel like I'm getting back to a "normal" level of energy. Seems like for about three or four days, I'm just zapped. I worked Thursday and Friday, and was just dead tired by the time I got home, especially on Friday, probably our busiest day of the week. Saturday was mostly just resting, although I did take Nipper for a short walk. We took a longer walk today, and I actually did a bit of exercise. I bought these dumbells a while back, and today used just the bar without the weights for some upper body training. I'll probably do that for a week and then gradually add weight. I just want to be careful with the port and all, although I've read on some bulletin boards some people are back to their normal activity a month or so after surgery. But maybe they were more active than me to begin with.

I do want to be in decent shape when I have my surgery, which will be about the first of November ("decent shape" being a relative term, of course). And I want to make sure I get back into shape after surgery, within whatever limits I'll have afterwards. I've never been real strict about any kind of exercise regimen, except for walking the dog, but I think this is as good a reason to get serious.

Anyway, that's been my weekend. The excitement for tonight and tomorrow will probably be laundry. I'm pretty thankful for something so boring, really, considering how many people are just trying to survive in this world.

Take care.

P.S. Anyone can now make comments again, not just registered bloggers. I changed that for awhile because of the stupid spammers.