A night off

First two nights on the new job down ... It went well, reallly. There weren't a lot of calls either night, and it didn't take me too long to get the hang of how to fill out the "paperwork" on the computer. Really the important thing is to get the request from the house supervisors or clients to the right people quickly, and that's easy enough. I got a lot of reading done actually, so I'm probably going to have to be making lots of trips to the library. No problem there, and maybe I won't have any overdue books as fast as I'll probalby be reading them!

I haven't been tired out from the extra hours, either. Fell asleep pretty quick and slept good each night. Tonight I even got some of the mowing done. Hopefully, there won't be too much more of that, as it has cooled off quite a bit this week.

It's not all great news, though. One of my support group members, who entered hospice care recently, went into the hospital this week. Only family is allowed to visit, and I understand they have her on a lot of pain meds. It probably won't be much longer. This one will be hard to take because we were diagnosed and joined the group around the same time. She's only a couple years older than me, too. And she was certainly a fighter. It just proved too much for her, though.

Last summer, she went to the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston for six weeks of treatment. She kept us updated with frequent e-mails that were full of hope and humor. In one of them she mentioned how at home, before she left, someone she knew commented that she was a "strong woman" facing what she was going through. But she preferred to be thought of as a woman of strength, as in this poem:

A strong woman works out everyday to keep her body in shape…
But a woman of strength builds relationships to keep her soul in shape

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything…
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of fear.

A strong woman won't let anyone get the better of her…
But a woman of strength gives the best of herself to everyone.

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future…
A woman of strength realises life's mistakes can also be unexpected blessings, and capitalises on them

A strong woman wears a look of confidence on her face…
But a woman of strength wears grace.

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey…
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.

I think that says it all.

Keeping busy

Today is a day off from the main job, and then I go to my first day of work at the new job.

I had planned to do some yardwork -- mow and trim some grass, maybe transplant some irises or at least identify which ones to thin out for transplanting later in the week -- but woke up to a cool, cloudy and rainy day. It's only in the 60s as I write this, and will only be in the 70s the rest of the week, so it'll be a good time to do some fall planting. Hope I have some time, because I supsect summer hasn't given us its last yet.

So instead I did some meal planning and cooking ahead for the next week or so, since I'll have some days where I won't be home unitl after 10 p.m. So I've got some sweet & sour chicken made up to take with me for work nights, breaded up some round steak to freeze and use later on for steak fingers and a chicken fried steak, and am trying out a salsa chicken recipe in the crock pot, part of which will be tomorrow night's dinner at work and then the leftovers can be wrapped up in a toritilla for lunch. I bought a roast to throw in the crock pot some morning for dinner, and will use the rest for sandwiches or something else.

See, Mom, I won't starve.

Well, think I'll go take a little nap before I start thinking about getting ready for work.

Getting more done!

I got in a changing mood yesterday, and made some plans to rearrange the dining nook area. I had to work Saturday, so planning was about all I did. But after taking 10 minutes to read the Sunday paper (hey, I had to put the thing together, you think I'm going to actually read it?) I set out on the plan. And no, Mom, this is not the surprise project I'm working on. I think you might like the new arrangement, though. No more having to dodge around cords and legs and feet when we're both seated in there. It seems roomier now. I even hung up a few things on the wall. Not to mentioned vacuumed and swept -- which was needed in all the nooks and crannies.

I went in this afternoon and evening for a bit more training on the second job and met the third hotline assistant. It's a bit overwhelming, all the stuff you have to remember. I guess as long as I get the right people called so the clients can get their help, that's what matters. But then all the calls have to be logged into the computer, and it got a bit confusing knowing whose name to put where ... once I get a night or two under my belt, I'm sure I'll do OK. It's the beginning and not knowing much that has me concerned. They seem like pretty nice people, though, so even if I screw something up, it probably won't be too bad.

I keep dreaming about what to with the extra money, once I pay off a couple debts, do some Christmas shopping and put some in the bank for a rainy day, of course. I'd like to work some more on the kitchen. That all started with the broken faucet. It's one of those pull-out sprayer faucets. It developed a leak and water would drip down the sprayer hose into the cabinet below, and then it developed a crack right on top that shoots out water that gets all over the counter if you hold the faucet wrong. So I originally just wanted to replace that. But then the sink doesn't look all that great. And the countertops and backsplash? Cheap and UGLY. So I went to Home Depot a couple weeks ago and just out of curiosity, did some pricing. And of course, I kept finding more and more I could do -- there was a cabinet unit that would make a nice pantry right where there's room, and it'd be nice to dump the computer table for a built-in workstation ... I should stay out of Home Depot. Good thing I'm pretty happy with the bathroom. Except that faucet needs replacing ...

Two books

Two recent reading choices. I've been meaning to do this, and now the books are overdue, dang it. I keep the library going single-handedly, I think. But I'm avoiding mowing the lawn, so this is convenient.

One Night at the Call Center, by Chetan Bhagat was a good, light read. Not a great book, but a nice, funny, simple read. It takes place at a call center for an American company in India where the twenty-something employees worry about their low pay, possible layoffs, their relationships, bosses who take credit for their work ... not much different from their American counterparts. But it does give some interesting insight into the cultural difficulties they face, in trying to live in a modern world but also honor their parents' more traditional lifestyles, and how they view Americans.

While the call center is down with some technical problems, they skip out of the office for a while to have some fun at a club, then on the drive back get into a bit of a predicament. While wondering if they're going to die, they get a call ... from God. God is very cheerful, maybe a little too cheerful, really. And he leads them to consider their lives and how to change them for the better. It's amusing, but full of stuff you'd read in dozens of self-help manuals (the author even includes a short self-help style quiz at the beginning), and then the book just gets unbelievable. Well, I mean, God calling on your cell phone is pretty spectacular, but I can suspend my disbelief over something like that. It's the anti-American sentiment that gets a bit hard to take, and makes the climax hard to believe. Add to that a prologue and epilogue to make you gag, and this is only a so-so book.

Scoop by Rene Gutteridge was much better. In fact, I was well into the book before I began to suspect that maybe I'd picked up something in a genre I would otherwise not have thought about -- Christian fiction. Scoop takes place in a last-place TV news station. There's quite a cast of characters here, from Hugo, the stressed-out news producer who's also dealing with a boss who's younger and ethically challenged, and a troubled family life; an aging news anchor who has an unfortunate Botox incident; Ray, the intrepid reporter who gets attacked on live TV; and a whole bunch more.

What attracted me to this book, obviously, was the setting in a newsroom. Yes, I work in print, but a newsroom is a newsroom, and there was a lot here that's true to life: the clashing personalities, the argument of doing "sexy" stories to sell papers/attract viewers vs. more boring but informative stories, and the absurdity that oddly enough comes with the adrenaline of breaking news. Gutteridge captured that really well.

The main character here is Hayden Hazard, Hugo's new assistant. The story starts 5 years before the main action, at the funeral of Hayden's parents, founders of the family clown business. Yes, I said clowns. The Hazards learn that with their parents' deaths, the family business has been sold, and the close-knit, homeschooled, religious clan must now go make their own ways in the world. Rather than seeing the story through her point of view, however, we see it through just about everyone BUT Hayden's eyes. We get to see her, and how she lives and talks about her faith. And you see how it affects the other characters. It's kind of sneaky way of putting religion in a novel, but it works. It's not preachy, it's not in your face. And Gutteridge acknowledges that organized religion isn't perfect in a scene with Ray at his church.

Everything gets wrapped up rather neatly, no one turns out to be truly bad (even the bad guy makes some very valid points about the state of journalism today) and the mystery is kind of predictable. But Gutteridge has a great writing style that is humorous and contains dead-on satire of the news industry. I read this over my lunch breaks, and I was always sorry when I had to put the book down at the end of the hour.

This is actually the first in "The Occupational Hazards" series, each focusing on one of the Hazard clan. The second one, "Snitch," is centered around Hayden's sister Mack, a Las Vegas undercover cop. I'll look for this one, too, and hope the writing (and non-preachyness) stay consistent.

Getting used to solitude

So I'm alone again, this time for a little over a month, as Mom is on her second big adventure and having fun, it sounds like.

My Labor Day weekend was fairly quiet. I did get quite a bit done, though. I cleaned out my car, which I've been needing to do for a long time, got some mowing done and hacked down a lot of the long-gone sunflower stalks out back with a new garden toy -- er tool: a machete. I'd been looking for one all summer, and the store I'd seen them at in previous years didn't have any until last Saturday. So I got a 22-inch blade, and must admit it was kind of fun once I got the hang of it (swing in an arc, not just one way seemed to work best). For a few minutes there I imagined I was in an Indiana Jones movie or Romancing the Stone ... OK, a bunch of dried-up sunflowers aren't the same as a South American jungle, but it was still a lot of work.

I did some cooking and food prep, too, to make things easier when I get home from work, and especially since I'll be starting this part-time job soon. Got some chicken breasts prepped so that I can take them out of the freezer before I go to work and pop them in the oven or on the grill when I get home, meatballs I can toss in spaghetti or sweet & sour sauce, things like that.

And I started on a small project for the kitchen, but you'll have to wait until I'm done to hear about that.

Tomorrow I have my training for the second job. Mainly, this will be watching some videos, filling out paperwork, etc. I should find out what kind of schedule I'll have, too. Then in the evening, it's time again for my support group meeting. We're putting together some sort of thing to give out during Breast Cancer Awareness Month in October, but I don't know what it will be yet.

I also need to take a look at the material for the grantwriting course I'm taking through the local university. The class doesn't officially start until next week, and the first week or so is scheduled to just get familiar with the information, so it's no rush. But it's never too early to start I guess.

I gotta rock

Another Peanuts-themed video, this one courtesy my brother: It's a guitar solo, Charlie Brown

Soaring

Just fooling around with video again tonight. I was grilling some chicken for dinner, hoping it wouldn't storm on before it was done, when I looked up and saw about two to three dozen turkey vultures soaring overhead. They roost in the cottonwoods just upstream from my place, and it's always fascinating to watch them. This video doesn't do it justice and naturally once I got the camera ready, they were heading back to their roosts, but maybe will give you an idea:

Cooldown

It's nice to sleep in on a day off, knowing I'm not wasting the only decently cool hours of the day. Today is supposed to be only about 85, instead of the 90 to 100+ degrees we've been having the last month. So I slept in, and lay in bed for a bit enjoying the sounds of all the birds along the creek -- the cardinal setting his territory, the blue jays calling back and forth to each other. Now I'm just trying to become completely awake so I can get dressed and do something.

It wasn't too bad out last night either, so I went down by the creek and did some work I've been putting off in the summer heat. I trimmed some dead branches from one of the willow trees -- a couple had been hanging down far enough that it was hard to mow around them. No problem there anymore! Of course, the main branch they come off of isn't all that alive either, and as much as it was bouncing as I sawed at the smaller branches, I was a little worried the whole thing might break off and fall on me! It didn't, though. I'll have to take care of that big one, too some time. I spen a bit more time cutting down some poorly placed saplings and sucker branches, too. Today, I'll probably go get them cleaned up and do some trimming on the grass that grew in around them. The creek overflowed it's banks several times this summer, so in addition to all the sludge and stuff it left behind, it just made it hard to get down in there and do the work too. So if feels good to be able to get that done.

One of Mom's friends from out of town is coming up for a few hours to visit and have lunch. They don't get to see each other much, so I might just let them have their time and do my own thing. Or maybe they want me around, I guess we'll see. Mom is getting ready to go off on another adventure with her little trailer, Eggcarto, so she's getting pretty eager to get off her work days and get fully prepared for that. I'll be glad to have some time in the house to myself, although I guess it could get lonely too. Last time she took off, Nipper was still here.

I do miss having a warm, furry body around the house, and it might be about time to get a new pet. I'm not totally sure yet, though. I'll be starting a second, part-time job in a couple weeks that might require me to work a couple weeknights, after my "real" job. Since I live in a different town from where I work, that means I would be out of the house from about 7:30 a.m. to almost 10:30 at night. Doesn't seem fair to do that to a dog. Especially when I don't even have a dog door for it to let itself out. And dogs just don't like being alone for long either -- they need their pack. So I'm considering a cat. But I've never had a cat before, so I'm not sure about that, either. The job is only a substitute position, though, so it might be OK for a dog if I'm gone that long say maybe once a month. Anyway, I have been looking at local shelters' animal lists, and while there are lots of cute dogs and cats out there, I haven't seen what might be quite right. I don't want a puppy or a kitten -- I'm not sure I'd have the time to properly housebreak one, and I'm not sure I have that much energy anymore! Besides, older animals aren't as quickly adopted as the babies, so I'd feel good giving an adult pet a good home. Ideally, I'd like another beagle mix, but I won't limit myself to that, either. I'll just keep watching.

A bad week

It's not been a good time lately for my breast cancer support group. There is one funeral this week (unexpected) and another on the way.

Yesterday we received word that one member, Elsie, died. She had taken ill last week and was in the hospital, started to feel better over the weekend, but then took a turn for the worse. They did exploratory surgery, but she didn't survive the operation. That's about all the details I know of what happened. She was 78. Her sister is a member of our group as well. They were diagnosed within two weeks of each other a couple years ago, if I remember correctly. They both always made the meetings fun. She'll be missed. Her funeral is tomorrow, and I know some of the group will be going. I might try to go, but we might be busy at work, too. There's visitation during my lunch hour, so I might at least go to that.

Last week, we received bad news as well. Another of our members has decided to enter Hospice care. She's been fighting for about two years, originally diagnosed about the same time I was. At first, after her chemo and surgery, things seemed to be going well, but then tumors started appearing in her skin. She went to the MD Anderson cancer center in Texas for about six weeks last summer, tried some experimental drug, new drugs, etc. She's been in a lot of pain, I know, but remained pretty upbeat through a lot of it -- at least in her e-mails and when she was able to come to our meetings. But a few months ago, she wrote an e-mail that wasn't as upbeat, and talked about how her two girls (12 and 5) were starting to come to the realization she might not be around to see them grow up. It wasn't a good sign. And then came last week's news. Her tumors had spread to other organs and were just progressing faster than treatment could handle. She just turned 40. She's fought this pretty hard, and I thought if anyone could beat some long odds, she would be one who could. It just doesn't seem fair.

I work with her sister-in-law. They're pretty close, and I kind of put off talking to her after the news. But Monday morning, I had to ask her about something work-related, so of course it came up. It was difficult for both of us, and we only made it a few minutes before we had to quit -- after all, the day was just beginning. I'm sure we'll talk about it again. Maybe later in the day, though.

Ewwwww!

If I'd been walking on my front walk just a bit earlier, I might have gotten hit by this:


It was a lot wetter/fresher when we first spotted it -- the "splat" area was about as big as both my hands put together.

So anyone got an ID? Turkey buzzard? Mississippi Kite? Hawk? Had to be bigger than a robin.

Snoozer

So last night/early this morning was supposed to be best viewing of the Perseid meteor shower. The viewing was supposed to be best after midnight, so, since I don't have to work today, I stayed up for it. I went out about 1:30, and sat on the front porch bench, where I would have the best view of the northeast sky. I stayed out until I started to get too sleepy, until a bit after 2 a.m.

I saw one meteor. Possibly two others, I can't say for sure. Kind of a disappointment. Although there may have been some clouds near the horizon, and there is a street light near my house, so maybe I should have hopped in the car or walked up the road a bit, where I'd be out in the country.

I guess it wasn't a total bust, though. It was a warm night, and I enjoyed listening to the cricket concert -- what sounded like thousands of them, all chirping in unison. And then there's the occasional sound of a night bird or other critter that makes you think "what in hell was that?" And I did see quite a few stars and other things, too. Up to the north-northeast, I saw some red, twinkley object that at first I thought might be Mars, but then a bit later I looked farther east and there was a red, non-twinkley object. So I'm not sure what was what. Then I saw somethng moving in a northerly direction that at first was fairly bright, but quickly dimmed. I could still follow it for about 20 or 30 seconds, though, so I wonder if that wasn't the space shuttle or maybe the space station.

I was too tired to go look up any info online then, and, well, since I was up so late, I'm still kind of sleepy now. So today's big goal is getting laundry done. My first load is almost done and ready to hang out. Shouldn't take too long to dry today -- it's 10 a.m. and the air conditioner just kicked on. Gonna be a hot one again.

Lost and Found

Finished reading another book -- Alison Winn Scotch's "The Department of Lost and Found." It's a novel about breast cancer. Well, it's a novel about a woman dealing with the affects of breast cancer. I was a little apprehensive about reading this, but it was a good read.

It's the story of Natalie Miller, a 30-year-old senior aide for an up-and-coming New York woman senator (sound familiar? Nah!) when she learns she has breast cancer ... the same day her boyfriend tells her he's seeing someone else and dumps her. While going through chemo and surgery she's got political drama to deal with, being her best friend's maid of honor, and a lot more.

What I liked about the book is that it doesn't really dwell on her cancer. And the parts that do aren't melodramatic or unrealistic. The narrative actuallly takes place between her chemo treatments, so it focuses more on the after effects -- like trying to live your life around the side effects, and how all the downtime and staring at your mortality starts to change your outlook on life and your relationships. And that's what she does. She examines her motives in her work, her relationships with family and especially the men in her life. And she gets a dog (my favorite part of the story).

There were some moments that got me choked up, remembering some of my own feelings in similar circumstances, but really the book is quite hopeful. And there's actually lots to laugh at too. That's surpising, considering Scotch's inspiration for the book was the loss of a good friend to breast cancer. So if you're a survivor -- or know one -- don't be afraid to pick this one up.

A good weekend

Today has been pretty quiet, but I got some laundry done and even got on the exercise bike and did some yoga -- something I haven't gotten my butt around to doing for a few weeks. Time once again to get back into that routine. It rained off and on this morning and afternoon, so I just hung around the house, surfing the Web, watching some TV and finishing the sheep mystery (it was pretty, goo, too. Maybe more on that later).

Yesterday, it was much hotter, but I spent part of the day at the Habitat for Humanity house under construction here. I hadn't been there since the first time -- I had to work one week and had some lousy headaches the other weeks. Since I'd been there, they'd finished up framing the exterior walls and two of the upstairs bedrooms, put on the trusses, had plywood sheeting and that plastic-type stuff (moisture barrier?) on the exterior walls, and then Saturday were starting on the roof. There were more people there this time, too, even a couple of guys who do construction for a living, so I'm sure that helped. A few guys were on the roof, putting on plywood sheets and I joined a couple who were working on the soffit. Again, I'm not sure I was all that much help since I can't seem to pound a nail straight, so I ended up holding a lot things, helping measure, etc. The impressive thing is I spent most of the time on scaffolding, and I have a fear of heights (although it's not so much the height I'm afraid of -- it's the landing!). I was there about four hours before it just started getting too hot for me. I don't know if I'll go next week. If they're going to be doing roofing stuff, I'd rather avoid that, but maybe if there's some work going on inside the house I could help out. We'll see.

That's about all the excitement from here. Try not to be envious of me.

What I'm reading

Wow, didn't realize how long it had been since my last post. I have some things going on, but not really something I care to put out on the Web right now. Maybe later.

I have been doing a lot reading, so maybe I'll discuss that. One of the recent books I read was Flesh and Bone. Not a good book to read on your lunch hour. It's actually written by two guys, one of whom is the founder of the (real) Body Farm, a research facility in Tennesse where they study the decomposition of bodies. The forensics in this was VERY desecriptive (hence the warning about lunch) and that stuff was interesting. The rest of the book was just kind of *eh*. I really didn't care for the relationship stuff and, really, did we need a detailed descripton and/or the history of EVERY street the main character drove on?

I've also read the two books in Jasper Fforde's "Nursery Crimes" series, The Big Over Easy and The Fourth Bear. These were great, if you like a mystery with some humor in it. Or if you just like something a bit absurd, a bit along the lines of Douglas Adams' Hitchikers' Guide to the Galaxy series (hmmm ... Jasper Fforde ... Ford Prefect?). If you don't remember much about nursery rhymes, though, a lot of the books will be over your head.

Right now, I'm reading a mystery that is also a bit unusual. Three Bags Full is about the murder of an Irish shepherd, told from the point of view of the detectives ... his sheep. Very smart sheep. So far it's very entetaining, and the sheep are already putting the clues together. Even if they don't necessarily know what a "clue" is.

That's about it for now. Later.

A new look

So you can see what I've been busy with today.

It was a rainy afternoon, so I started messing around on the computer, and finally got around to finishing a redesign I started awhile back. The maze symbol is a Hopi symbol representing the rebirth from one world to another. I first came across it about 15 years ago, reading Blue Highways by William Least-Heat Moon, his account of a cross-country trip where he avoided major highways, following those roads that appeared on the maps as blue lines. In Utah, he met a Hopi college student, and explains the maze like this:

It's lines represent the course a person follows on his "road of life" as he passes through birth, death, rebirth. Human existence is essentially a series of journeys, and the emergence symbol is a kind of map of the wandering soul, an image in process; but is also, like most Hopi symbols and ceremonies, a reminder of cosmic patterns that all human beings move in.

I guess it just struck me at the time because I was trying to figure out who I was and realizing what a twisted journey life can be. So when the book jacket slipped off and I saw the embossed maze on the cover underneath, I grabbed a piece of paper and made a pencil rubbing. I've kept that all these years, pinned to a bulletin board, and thought it would make a great symbol to go along with the blog title. A little bit of Photoshop work, and it's a nice graphic element.

Anyway, that's the new look.

Today is Independence Day in the U.S., and I've just been relishing my independence from work today, doing not much of anything. Well, I did throw in a load of laundry, and worked a bit in the garden before it started raining. Dad was going to come over for grilled hot dogs and then a trip into town to see the big fireworks show, but he wasn't feeling well this afternoon. So I made myself a hotdog dinner, worked on the blog some more and listened to all the fireworks going off around the neighborhood. I'm not sure I'll go into town for the show. There's a heck of a lot of traffic to deal with, and I do have to work tomorrow. Sounds like there will be quite a show here anyway, so I'll probably just sit out in the yard and watch.

Happy Fourth, everyone!

Butterfly weed

butterflywd.JPG
Originally uploaded by junogle.

After about five years of trying, I finally got some butterfly weed to grow. It's a native prairie plant, so you wouldn't think it would be that hard to do. Ironically, it's growing under a tree instead of under the hot prairie sun. I'll take it.

Hi there

I know it's been awhile since I posted, and I even have some things to talk about.

This past week I had my last three-month checkup with my oncologist, with bloodwork and a chest X-ray a few days beforehand. All were OK! I will see her next in December. The six-month checkups will continue for three years, I think -- until I am five years out -- and then it will just be once a year until I reach 10 years out. I still have a mammogram coming up Tuesday and then a visit with my surgeon the week after that. My oncologist did recommend I get an MRI in conjunction with mammograms from now on, as new research recommends for women with a high risk of breast cancer. I plan to ask my surgeon about this, but I can probably guess what she will say, since she and my oncologist work pretty closely. I'll have to go to Wichita to get it done, because there are some requirements for that they can't meet here.

Anyway, not much more than that has really been going on. Today I kind of wasted much of the day playing a new game I found, Bowmaster, kind of a defend your castle/capture the flag type game. I got to level 20, and it's not real fast-paced game, so you can guess how much time I wasted. But I redeemed myself somewhat, when during a break from the game, I saw on a local Web site that the local Habitat for Humanity was having regular build days for the house they're building here for a family on Fridays and Saturdays. It's the group's first house, and they've had some trouble getting the volunteer work going. There was just a small crew there -- the husband/father of the family getting the house, a married couple and then an older guy. They were all pretty nice, and I got to pound a few nails, help put together a corner piece for the framing, and help put up a couple pieces of framing for the garage. It was kind of fun, and a good way to spend the afternoon. My wrist can really feel the effects of the pounding, though.

Tomorrow will probably be some mowing, and more reading. Yesterday, I finished up The Yiddish Policemen's Union by Michael Chabon. I liked it OK enough, but it took awhile to get into. I didn't know before reading it that it takes place in an alternate reality, so I spent the first couple of chapters wondering what the heck was going on. Then it took a few chapters to get my mind wrapped around that concept. But once I settled in, it was OK, if not maybe a bit too long.

Now I'm reading something a bit lighter, a mystery ba David Rosenfelt called Play Dead. I passed it over once or twice already at the library, because I wasn't sure how I'd handle a story involving dogs, but I'm enjoying it, really.

It's getting late, and I've already spent more than enough time on the computer today, so time to say goodnight.

Almost summer

It's the evening before the first day of summer, and although it was a hot one today, it's right nice out now. The sky is darkening, the fireflies are rising, cicadas buzzing and robins and mourning doves singing their final songs of the day as a breeze rustles the tree leaves.

We are, however, without water, as a water main down the street that is being worked on was broken or burst.

This last week, we have been tracking our radio-listening habits for Arbitron. Since I worked in radio about a decade or so ago, I am kind of aware of how much I do or don't listen to the radio. Mostly I listen to just one or two, and once in awhile I'll tune in to the station I worked for, when I can get it in the car or on the Net. Actually, working in the biz ruined me for listening to music, period, for about three years. So much so that my "21st century" playlist on my iPod is the shortest. I don't know who half the artists are now. Makes me feel old.

Not much else is going on, really. It's been pretty quiet. I still miss Nipper, but Mom and I can laugh about our memories now. I miss having a dog around, but I'm not sure the time is right just yet.

Well, the bugs are starting to gather round the glow of the laptop, so I guess I'll finish up and go sit in the backyard for awhile and watch the fireflies and the bats. It's too nice out not to enjoy it.

The reunion

The reunion was lots of fun. We had about half the class members there, along with all the spouses and rugrats. Well, some of them were too old to be called "rugrats." Quite a few classmates of mine have kids in high school, and even college. Man, we ARE old.

There were only a few people I didn't recognize right off the bat. Mostly, we look the same, just older. And a lot of the kids look just like their parents. I know, duh, but when you see them side by side for the first time, it's kind of suprising.

We started the day with lunch in the park, mingling and getting caught up. Most of them had a head start on me, as they'd all met at the Horseshoe on Friday night. From what they were saying, it was pretty wild. And the class packed the place. So lunch was probably a bit quieter, heh.

Later on, we had dinner at a swanky new restaurant in town that was more swank than anything else. But one of the classmates had prepared a Power Point presentation of pictures from yearbooks back to middle school and then and now pics of our senior portraits and family pics we sent him. It was funny, and touching, and great to see. He's going to put the presentation, along with photos from the weekend and from our 10th reunion, as well as some other info onto a DVD for everyone. It's a lot of work, I'm sure, but greatly appreciated.

We also got to tour the high school, which has changed a lot since we were there. They started building a whole new section in our senior year, but didn't finish it until after we were gone. So for a lot of people it was the first time they'd seen the changes. And we were told we were the first class to get a tour. It helps that the current principal was in our class!

Overall, it was a great weekend, and Sunday I was just exhausted. I needed to do laundry, but ended up doing nothing more than watching the "KyleXY" marathon on Family Channel.

And then some sad news came yesterday. One of the members of my breast cancer support group died Saturday evening. She had entered hospice care about a couple months ago, realizing that she was just prolonging the inevitable. She was still getting out for awhle, but I guess the last couple weeks took a turn for the worse. I didn't know her all that well, but I admired how she faced knowing that her end was near. She had great faith in God, and said even though she was sad her time here would be ending, she approached it with joy as well because it meant she would be in God's glory. At Friday's Relay for Life, she had so many luminaries in her honor -- all the way around the track, you saw her name again and again. I'm sure many were from fellow members of her church, which was just across the street from the school. I don't know if any of her family made it there to see them all. I hope they did, and that they were able to tell her about it.

Rest in peace, Carol.

Relay

This year, I made it to the local Relay for Life. I stayed a lot longer than I had planned to, but I'm glad I did. It does the soul some good to see how many people are willing to give their time to help others -- or maybe themselves.

I signed in at the survivor's tent and got my T-shirt and sat down with a few sisters from my support group. They had sandwiches and cheese and fruit and veggie trays, which was great since I didn't go home or get something to eat. At 7 p.m. it was time for the opening ceremonies and the survivor lap. Our support group gathered behind our banner, and somehow we ended up leading off the procession. The photo intern from the newspaper where I work was there, but I'm not sure he recognized me and I probably ended up in a lot of his shots. He just started this week, so I guess it didn't register who I was in my non-work clothes.

That first lap was much like riding in the college's homecoming parade last fall. As we rounded the first turn of the school track, where the teams had pitched their campsites, they stood and applauded all the survivors. It wasn't just the bright sun making our eyes sting. As one of my sisters said, who would have thought you would get applause just for being alive? But we got our chance to honor those teams who have worked so hard through the year with their fundraisers and are still walking now, until sunrise tomorrow. Each joined the parade as we passed by their camps and then took their own lap, so we clapped and cheered as they passed by.

I took a few laps myself over the next hour or so to look at the luminaries. There were quite a few for several of the group's members -- some in memory of the two who have died. I didn't find one with my name on it, but I think the support group's board purchased one for everyone. There were also several for I believe the father of someone I went to junior high school with. There was also one for Tammy Faye and one for Farah Fawcett.

One of our members was the first speaker during the luminary ceremony, which took place about 10 p.m., after all had been "lit" (they used those battery-operated tea lights) and it became dark. She did a great job. After all the speakers and songs, I decided I was pretty tired and decided to take off, and got home about 11 p.m.

I took a hot shower, as I could feel those few laps in my legs, and I've thrown a few clothes in the washing machine so I have something clean to wear tomorrow. I'll be going to my hometown for my 20th class reunion. I got the car washed today but sill need to clean out the inside -- don't want them to think I'm still a slob -- so I'll do that and dry my clothes in the morning. For now, though I'd better turn in.

A couple photos

I finished off one roll of film last week of shots around the yard and garden, and found an old roll that I wasn't sure what was on it. Got them back today. The old roll was from January, after the end-of-the-year ice storm. Not any shots that remarkable on it, but the last one was of Nipper:

I guess I was going for a shot like The Dog. Sure shows off his pretty eyes.

The other, from a few weeks ago, was this oriole I managed to keep in the frame somehow:

Here we go again!

The sirens went off once again here -- there never was an actual tornado warning, but about a half hour ago, the sheriff's office ordered the sirens after a weather spotter reported rotation in the clouds about 2 miles west of here. And not too long later, they said on the radio spotters reported a funnel right over town! This time we acted like real Kansans and looked out the window. We saw it, too -- a small, ropelike funnel not too far south of the house!

It started coming down more from the clouds, but as it moved east, it quickly broke up and there weren't any others. That's really the first time I've seen a funnel cloud up close. There was once in college when my roommates and I were driving back home from Wal-Mart when a warning was issued. My roommate who was driving said "let's go look," and we took we a detour to the west end of town. We saw three tornadoes, all in a row, on the horizon. I was excited, but my roommates got nervous and we headed back home. That day, though, one of those tornadoes did hit a house out in the country. No one was hurt, but a family lost their home.

Anyway, things are calming down now, and there's actually some blue sky out west. There's more storms out west on the radar, but they don't look as bad. So excitement's over for the night, it looks like.

Memorial Day

red poppy 2.JPG
Originally uploaded by junogle.

I scattered a mix of wildflower seeds last fall near the creek on my property, and now have a whole bunch of poppies. Poppies have long been associated with veterans and war dead, so I thought it somewhat appropriate to post for Monday. Escuse the focus, though. There's more poppy pictures and garden pictures in general in a new set at my flickr page.

Memorial Day Weekend

It's been a quiet one. We don't publish a paper on Memorial Day -- that and Labor Day are the only two days -- so I have Monday off. I haven't had a lot to do. I finished up the foundation garden I started about a week ago in the front yard. Planted a hydrangea and three lupies I got through a mail-order catalog (they had a coupon). The hydrangea is only just about 4 inches tall, and the lupines were bare roots, so there won't be much this year. But maybe next. I also planted some purple salvia that mom had bought but decided they might get too bushy for where she was going to plant them.

Other than that, and some mowing on the hill, which I will finish tomorrow, I haven't done a lot. I still am trying to figure out what to do with myself without a dog to look after. Nipper was always my reason for taking a walk, but so far I haven't been able to get out and do that on my own. He was always a good excuse to go sit in the sun or the shade outside. You just don't realize how much something is a part of you until it's gone, I guess. But both of us are learning to get along.

I'm not sure when I'll get another dog. I'm still missing Nipper too much. Plus, I'm having to look seriously at getting a second job to help pay off some bills. I'll probably do some looking next month. I have my class reunion to go to on the 9th, and I was thinking of taking some of my vacation time to help mom do some of the stuff she wants to do at her house, where my dad lives (yeah, I know, it sounds weird).

I'm trying to read "Devil in White City," about a serial killer at the Chicago World's Fair, but it puts me sleep after a few pages. So now it's by my bed. So now I started on a mystery novel, "Stalking Ivory." The protagonist is Jade del Cameron, a writer/photographer in the 1920s in Africa. The setting is different than most mysteries I read, and so fair it's pretty good. The author is from Kansas, too.

So other than reading and maybe laundry tomorrow, I don't have a lot planned. We'll probably have Dad over and barbecue some chicken or something tomorrow.

Nervous night

Always nice to end the night on a nerve-wracking note. Not.

We'd been watching the Jesse Stone movie on the local CBS station to keep tabs on the severe weather. Mostly it was out west of us, but progressing our way. And around 9:30 or so, off go the sirens. Now of course the big joke is that when the sirens go off, good Kansans head out to go watch. Well, memories of Greensburg are still a bit too fresh, so we headed to my closet -- with no basement it's probably the closest thing we have to a shelter.

We grabbed some important things and went to the closet with the portable radio and hung out there for awhile listening to the heavy rain and then came the BONK ... BONK ... THUD of very large hail -- up to tennis ball sized, according to the news reports. I believe it, because when we did take a look outside several minutes later, there were still some large hail stones in the yard. Things seemed like they were quieting down when the rain picked up and more hail starting coming down ... and then the sirens went off again. I wouldn't be surprised if they did that in an attempt to keep people at home instead of driving around gawking.

Doesn't seem to be much damage, but I'll go take a peek at the roof when it's light in the morning and see if I can tell if there's any damage. Not that I'm a expert or anything, but the roof has been through one big hail storm since I bought the place, so maybe another will mean a new roof is in order.

Anyway, it's quiet now, and I'm pooped, so it's off to bed.

Puppy picture

First snow
Originally uploaded by junogle.

This is one of my first photos of Nipper. Sorry for the resolution, but I had to get this off my Web site. I hope to find the original print. He's about six months old here, and it was his first snow. Note the bit of snow on the end of his nose -- even up to last year, he would wind up looking like that from sticking his nose in the ground and snorting around for whatever he could underneath!

One week

It was a week ago as I write this that Mom, Dad and I were taking Nipper to the vet for the last time. It's been an up and down type of day for Mom and I. Little things have sent us into tears, but we've also shared some good and funny memories of him today. I found some more pictures and am uploading them to flickr now. Mom has some on her computer that I want copies of, and I'm sure I've got some she doesn't have either. I'd just like to get them all together for now and save backup copies on disk.

I have gotten four sympathy cards this last week. Who would have thought that? One was an e-card from a friend; one from a co-worker and her daughter, who recently lost a dog as well; one was from the vet's office, signed by the staff and included a little pin of an angel dog; and one was from some friends who lost their dog last year (she called me at work, too, after getting my e-mail about Nipper. That was sweet). The last two came in the mail yesterday, so when I got home from work, I ended up having a good cry (again).

Haven't done anything yet with Nipper's ashes. I haven't put away any of his things, either. Mom's last week at work before going into (semi) retirement is this week, so maybe after that's over and she doesn't have to sleep during the day, we'll have a little "memorial service" and do something. Maybe we can grill some hamburgers, and toss out the bites of burger and chips we would have given him along with his ashes. Something for the road. I'm kidding, or course. Sort of.

He's home

I brought Nipper home one last time today. Or rather, his ashes. The vet's office provided a nice litter silver urn for him. There's not as much as I thought there would be, but I guess I didn't really know what to expect. And yes, I looked inside. It's morbid, I know, but I also wanted to know how concerned I had to be about what would happen if I had to stop the car suddenly (the cremains were in a bag inside if you must know).

I'm not exactly sure what I want to do with him yet. Right now, the urn is sitting on top of the TV cabinet. Probably most of the ashes will be spread here at home, along the creek, where he liked to spend so much time. Maybe I'll spread a little bit in some of the other places he liked to go -- in the park a few blocks from a home, and maybe at the small campground/lake here in town. Maybe I'll keep some. I'm not sure. I could always have a diamond made from him. That seems kind of weird, though.

I do know I will get another dog, maybe two, I just don't know when. I have to be able to separate missing having a dog from missing Nipper, if that makes any sense. It just wouldn't be fair to get another dog right now, because that dog (or dogs or cat or whatever) will never be NIpper, and that's what I wish I had. But the day will come when I'll want another animal around. Ever since buying this house, which is in a town about 15 miles from where I work, I thought it would have been nice to have another dog so Nipper wouldn't be so lonely during the day, espcecially when Mom wasn't around. But Nipper didn't like too many other dogs, and never would have liked another dog on his "turf." But maybe next time, I will think about a couple of dogs. It's just too soon right now to really think about it.

It's getting better

I did OK at work today, at least until a co-worker, just before I left for lunch, handed me an envelope addressed to both me and mom. I told her I'd open it in the car, and good thing I did, because it opened some waterworks. Her daughter picked it out, she said. They lost a dog themselves not too long ago, one not very old even, so they know how I feel.

The hardest is being at home. Nipper was so much a part of what we did around here. Get up in the morning, let him out, let him in, share part of breakfast. When I got home from work, I took him for a walk. Now, I don't really know what to do with myself in the evenings. I picked up a couple of books at the library, but I don't feel like reading. I did make myself get on the exercise bike for about 10 minutes. I need some exercise, after all. I suppose I should go for a walk on our usual routes at some point -- there are several people we saw on a fairly regular basis who would want to know Nipper is no longer with us. Like the "cheese lady" who, when she saw us walking by would go inside her house and come back out with a slice of cheese for Nipper. If she wasn't outside, he would slow down as we walked by and stop to sniff whatever he could, occasionally glancing at her door. Then there's the boy who, at first, seemed kind of lonely, and liked to pet Nipper, and we would talk occasionally. He has more friends now, but would always stop to pet Nipper.

And of course, there's the pizza guy. Probably won't feel like ordering pizza for awhile, though. He would wave at us if he saw us out walking.

Reflecting on this makes me realize Nipper wasn't just "my" dog. He shared at least a little bit of himself with people who loved me or just knew me, even remotely. That's quite a dog.

New photoset

Christmas 05
Originally uploaded by junogle.

I posted a set of photos of Nipper at my flickr site. They're some of my favorites. I'm sure I'll add more as I find them.

Difficult day

Today was hard to get through. I didn't sleep well, and woke up about half an hour before my alarm went off. Normally if I did that, as soon as I stirred, a tail would be thumping on the bed nearby, and when the alarm would go off, he would usually get up and come lick my face until I'd get up. Or sometimes, Nipper would wag his tail a couple times, then take a long stretch and snuggle closer to me -- or maybe he was trying to get more room on the bed!

I had a hard time telling people at work -- there were a couple I told, and others noticed something wrong. At first, I could barely choke out the words, but talking about him helped. So did the two pictures of him I have taped to my computer. At first I would tear up when I looked at them, but it got easier because those pictures helped me remember better times.



But then it was hard when I was on the way home and knew he wouldn't be there to greet me. And I broke down when I told mom it was hard not seeing him lying on the porch, watching for me. She said she swore she felt him lying on the bed next to her at one point today.

And now here I am on the computer instead of trying to put a collar and leash on a dancing, barking dog. Looks like I'll have to look to myself for some motivaiton to get moving. One thing about a dog, you can't NOT get some exercise with one around.

The days will get better, one by one, I guess. One day down.

Nipper, July 1994-May 13, 2007

My best friend is gone. He died this afternoon, while Mom and I were out running errends. He had seemd ... normal yesterday almost, chasing the rabbit that comes in the yard and doing his little happy dance and barking when it was time for our walk. This morning he was OK, but he seemed to be taking things a little slow.

We took him to the vet's and she did an autopsy. We hadn't been home very long when she called with the report. He'd had a large tumor on his liver, and there were smaller tumors inside the liver. The large one had ruptured, filling his stomach area with blood. She said it happened very quickly and would have been painless. I had noticed lately, I can't say exactly when, then when he lay on his side, his side seemed to have a bit of a bulge. But I know I shouldn't blame myself. He seemed healthy ever since about a year and a half ago, when he first showed signs of liver problems. He had been in for two yearly checkups since then, and the vet never suspected anything either. I can't blame her. He seemed healthy, and she would really have no reason to suspect. She said that even if she had opened him up on Friday when I took him, there woldn't have been anything she could have done.

Nipper will be cremated, and I'll pick up his ashes later in the week. I'm not sure what I'll do with them. Probably, eventually, I'll spread them here, along the creek he loved to explore. When I first got him, and we lived in small apartments, I always told him one day I'd have a house with a big yard that he could enjoy. I'm glad I was able to do that.

You'll probably have to excuse me over the next several days, as my posting will probably be all about him -- stories I've probably told before and photos you've seen, but he was my best friend for almost 13 years, and it will take some time to adjust to life without him.

Good news!

A few weeks ago, I had some blood drawn to have some tests done to see if I have a genetic mutation that contributes to breast cancer. I just got the results in the mail, and there were no mutations detected!

Having the mutated genes could more likely mean I'd have a reoccurance, so it's a relief to know that likelihood is greatly decreased. Plus, when my doctor discussed with me about having the test, she said if it were positive for mutations, it would affect any future treatment, including preventive measures like having a hysterctomy. So good news on several levels!

Nipper

I had to take Nipper to the vet this morning. Last night he threw up several times, even though he hadn't eaten for almost a day. It took him awhile to act like he was feeling better, too. So I talked to my vet last night and she said to bring him in for some tests.

I dropped him off before I went to work, and then worried all morning, especially when she didn't call. I was hoping that no news was good news, but I was also concerned that she had something she didn't want to tell me over the phone and was waiting until I came by to pick him up.

It was good and bad news. She had gotten him to eat a can of dogfood and keep it down, so that's good. The blood test, however showed his liver enzymes were way up. She did a sonogram of his belly (poor guy has a shaved tummy now) and said there is a small abscess on his liver. She couldn't feel it, though, so it's very small and she said it doesn't move around much. But this is similar to the problem he had a year and a half ago, so she said it's something that is obviously progressing.

So next week she wants to take a closer look. Lilke actually opening him up and looking at it herself. I trust her, though, and I'm sure that even with his age (13), he'll do OK. She'll likely do a biopsy then, but since it's small, I'm hoping for the best. She told me of a cocker spaniel patient of hers who has had a liver abscess for three years, and does quite well except for an occasional episode.

So it's good in that it's not likely something that's life-threatening. But on the other hand, he may not be the same spunky pal I've had for years. I've kind of been trying to prepare myself for this the last couple years as he's gotten older and dealt with arthritis that slowed down a bit, but I imagine the weekend might find me shdding a few tears ... and getting them licked away by my long-time pal.

Shoulda got some film

I had planned to over the weekend, but forgot, and so of course there was a reason to get a picture just a bit ago. I had just sat down to eat my dinner at the computer and looked out the window to see a male wood duck perched on my pole-mounted birdfeeder. I've had ducks come around, but they've never actually gotten up on the feeder like that, just checked out what was on the ground. He had a mate, but she stayed on the ground. She did get under the fence and waddled around the yard a bit before she flew off and he followed her.

Nipper is doing much better. He got sick again late Saturday night and threw up some dogfood (which I found with my foot in the dark), and still wasn't feeling well Sunday morning. I let him sleep Sunday, and fed him some cream of wheat, then some chicken and rice for dinner. He loved that, of course. Tonight, I made spaghetti for my dinner and gave him a bit of hamburger. We took a short walk after I got home from work, and he got tired, but was doing OK.

Tonight, not much is on the agenda. A former high school classmate who is putting together a presentation for our class reunion wants some pictures and info, so I'll see if I've got something to send. Then I'll probablly do a bit more prep for my interview. I have a packet of forms to fill out, and I'm trying to brush up on what's going on with the company and what they do. Plus, try and get some exercise in somewhere, since it's nicer in the mornings to give Nipper some extra love and attention before I go to work. Yeah, I'm like putty in his paws.

Greensburg

While I was having a quiet night last night, the people of Greensburg, Kan., were living through hell. About 9:45 p.m. a tornado, reported to be a mile wide, literally destroyed the town.

I've been watching the coverage on Wichita stations (well, two of them. Where are you, KSN?) and it's just amazing. From the aerial shots, it looks like only the grain elevator is left standing. The downtown is gone and most of the homes are flattened or damaged beyond repair. It's a prety scary reminder of just what can happen.

Right now, there's another storm heading for Greensburg. Hope everyone there will be OK. We've got a storm warning where I live now, too, but I think I'll just get the western edge of it where I am, and they're saying there doesn't appear to be tornadic. But later on could be another question. I've already got my portable radio, Nipper's leash and some other things by the door in case it turns bad and I need to make a run for Dad's house, where he at least has the cellar and a small hallway that's in the middle of the house. That's one bad thing about my house -- pretty much all the rooms have at least one exterior wall, so there's not an obvious place to go in case of tornado.

It's quiet

It is nice to have the house to myself, although once in a while it just feels too quiet. It is kind of nice to have someone to talk to once in a while. At least someone who will talk back. I talk to Nipper all the time but the conversation is kind of one-sided.

I should be mowing the back yard right now, but I got hungry and decided a hot dog cooked over a fire would be good. I'd have dad over (since he gave me the fire pit for Christmas), but he said his allergies are making him feel not so good. Maybe next week. So I'm sitting here as the wood in the fire pit is slowly trying to burn and about a dozen turkey vultures watch me from the big old cottonwood on my property. They don't perch there often, but it's neat when they do. Once in a while, they ust feel crowded because one will seem to push another off a branch, and it will soar around for a few minutes, then return.

Nipper seems to be doing much better. He had a bad little episode last night, bad enough I actuallly called my vet's emergency number to talk to her. She recommended an aspirin to help the pain and help him relax enough to rest, which it did. He seemed fine this morning, so I took him in this afternoon for his scheduled annual checkup. She said everything seemed fine -- she didn't feel anything strange and all his vital signs are OK. So maybe he just ate something bad. Imagine that -- Nipper eating something he shouldn't.

(Oops. Had to restart the fire in the fire pit, and also now all the turkey vultures have flown the coop.)

Took Nip for his evening walk, and maybe we should hae gone earlier while it was still cool. It warmed up pretty good late this afternoon after the clouds went away. We're supposed to be in line for some severe weather, but it looks like all the thunderheads are building up north and west of us, which means we'll miss out.

I guess mowing is on the list of things to do tomorrow. Even if I get ambitious and do the back yard tonight, I still have the hill to do. I did one part of it last Sunday and already you can't even tell. Also tomorrow I'd like to at least start on getting a new flower bed prepared. I bought some things through a catalog that had a $25 coupon in it, so I'd like to start something out front between the porch and the garage.

Well, the fire is burning pretty good, so it's time to get cook dinner I think, followed by a s'more for desser. The mowing can wait until tomorrow!

A bit worried

Tonight was my support group meeting, and I was scheduled to be the program, talking about the Web site and Yahoo group I set up for us. So I came home, planning to let the dog out for a bit, grab my computer and head back to town. Except when I go home, Nipper seemed a bit sluggish. I thought at first it was just because he'd been sleeping all day, but then I noticed a spot on the carpet where he'd thrown up. And I noted he was kind of groaning when he breathed. He didn't even want his nightly treat. It was like about a year and a half ago, when the problem turned out to be his liver. It was really hard to go to my meeting, but I didn't feel like I could back out on such short notice either.

Fortunately, when I got home from the meeting, he seemed to be feeling a little better. He was on my bed and seemed perkier. We even went outside and walked around along the creek and on the hill for a bit. So we've just been taking it easy tonight. He seems OK, just tired now.

Haven't heard much from Mom in a few days, although my dad said he'd talked to her last night. She was in western Texas, not far from the Mexico border, and in country that didn't have much cell phone access, let alone Internet access. She'll be heading to my brother's before long, so we'll probably get an update then.

In other news, I got the official invite to my 20th class reunion. Ouch.

Quiet night

I actually have the TV off and am just kind of enjoying the sound of a flock of bluejays calling to each other.

It's been pretty nice these last few days. I got a lot of mowing done on Sunday -- also got sunburned on my shoulders and they still hurt. We've been doing OK while Mom is out traipsing around the southwest. Dad comes over to let Nipper out during the day, and he's been getting good walks when I come home, and then plenty of loving to make up for being left alone all day.

Tomorrow is my support group meeting night, and I'm giving a bit of a presentation on the Web site and Yahoo group I've put together. So I guess I better do some updating and take a few notes here in awhile so I might sound like I know what I'm talking about.

Today I gave my boss some news that I'm sure he'd rather not have heard. I have a job interview set up next Friday with a local electric company. It's a new position they're hiring for -- "external affairs specialist." They're looking for someone to do writing, presentations, etc. I don't have a lot of experience in preparing those kinds of things, but I think I've got some good basic skills and software is pretty easy to learn. And their ad specifically mentioned a background in journalism would be helpful.

It's not that I don't really want to leave the newspaper business, but I just question if what it's becoming is what I reallly want to do. We had a meeting this week about new directions we'll be taking, and I'm not sure I like it. There was a lot of talk about "new products" and doing things that are "just good enough." Quantiy over qualiyt. Very little talk about the product we're making now (a source of news) and making it better. And believe me, there's lots of room for improvement. I'm only 38, and I'm starting to feel like a dinosaur in my profession. It doesn't really matter to me what format the "newspaper" is in, but it should be good. And we're not taking the time to do that.

Plus, it's time to move on. For nearly two years, my life has revolved around cancer. Finding out I have it, test after test after test, finallly starting treatment, getting through chemo, having surgery, more chemo, getting over all that and then checkups where I'm stressed about what if it comes back. It's like my life has been under control of others -- the doctors, the nurses, my mother. It's time for me to take it back.

It's a beautiful day

Too bad I have to go to work later. Sigh.

Oh well, I'll enjoy a nice, peaceful morning. Hung out some laundry I'd thrown in the washer last night and heard the geese down at the creek. I tiptoed up to the fence for a look, and they have goslings! I think there were five of them. And last night, while walking Nipper over a bridge south of my house, I saw a mallard hen with about a dozen ducklings swimming along with her! I don't know if she was "our" duck, but I haven't seen many ducks along our part of the creek.

So now I'm doing another load of laundry and fixing some breakfast. I don't normally eat much for breakfast, but for some reason today scrambled eggs sounds good. Then a walk with Nipper is on the agenda later on, and then off to work after lunch.

I'm off Sunday, but back to work Monday, since we have a big meeing planned. I'm taking Thursday and Friday for my comp days off for today and last Saturday, when I was at the state press association convention, so at least I've got that to look forward too. Nothing big planned. Probably get a haircut for me, a nail trim for Nipper at the new "dog salon" here, and I probably should get him to the vet for his annual visit.

That's my exciting day.

Alone at last

It's just Nipper and me for awhile. Mom has taken off on her "maiden voyage" with her travel-trailer (which she has named Eggcarto, because it kind of looks like an egg). She's been working real hard to get everything ready and I know she was a bit nervous about setting out, but I know she'll do well. You can read about her adventures in her own blog here. There's also a permanent link on the right of this page. I have to say I'm real proud of her for taking on a new challenge like this. Go, Mom!

Just taking it easy tonight. There's severe weather farther east of here, so the Wichita TV stations (or at least the one I watch on Tuesdays) are giving a lot of time to that. Not a lot to watch, in other words. So maybe I'll just turn the volume down and read a book.

I've been doing a lot more reading lately. I'm kind of trying to have to force myself. Since a large part of my job involves reading, I usually just don't feel like after a day at work. But I miss reading for pleasure, so recently, I made a list of things I should be reading, based on what people on a bulletin board I frequent said they liked, and also from the flyers and stuff I get from a book club I can't seem to figure out how to quit. Then it was a trip to the library, and so far, I've liked what I've picked up.

First was The Shape Shifter by Tony Hillerman. Love these books, and this one seems to maybe be taking Leaphorn down a slightly different path than he's been on. It'll be interesting to see how the events in this book affect him later on.

Then I read Cormac McCarthy's The Road. It was the first of McCarthy's works I've read. Very bleak, but he's created a very realistic world. This will probably be one of those that much later, I'm still forming what effect it's had on me. I was really surprised I was able to pick it up without having to get on a waiting list, considering the all-powerful Oprah selected it for her book club.

The I started reading Mad Dogs by James Grady, but then left the book at work over a weekend and started reading another. I usually don't like to read two books at once, but it was kind of nice having one to read at my lunch break and then something totally different (see below) at home. Again, haven't read Grady's earlier work, but I might have to after this one. So far, at least, it's got a good balance of tension, action and goofiness.

The book I started reading while also reading the above-mentioned book was A Fool's Gold: A Story of Ancient Spanish Treasure, Two Pounds of Pot, and the Young Lawyer Almost Left Holding the Bag. I'm not sure how much of this I really believe. It's a pretty fantastic tale, enough that's believable, but also enough to make you wonder how much embellishment is there really? It was pretty entertaining, though.

That's it for now. I've still got a long list to get through, and I've even added a few since I started.

Time to spend some quality time with the dog. He's been wondering where mom is, and keeps running for the door whenever he thinks he hears her truck pulling into the drive.

Hello again

Wow, didn't realize it'd been over a week since I last posted. Guess there's just not a lot to talk about. Awhile ago, I was sitting at the desk surfing when I looked out the window and saw the duck couple that comes to my birdfeeder had figured out how to get under the fence. The hen was starting to range out a ways from the fence when something startled them and they both flew off. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I happened to see them fly up from the creek and land in one of the big cottonwoods behind my house. I didn't know ducks would even perch in trees! But there they were, just kind of waddling along the bigger branches.

The weather is nicer, now, and many of the flowers have rebounded. Many of the daffodils are upright and blooming, and even the tulips that got mashed to the ground are trying valiantly to point the bloooms upward. The tulips up front are standing tall and finally beginning to bloom. The hosta, which hadn't yet unfurled their leaves, aren't as dark green as they were before the snow, but I think they might be OK. The two mums I planted on the hillside last fall took a lot of freeze damage, but yesterday as I picked dead leaves off, I saw some new green poking through.

I've been working on my wildflower garden, too, hoeing away at the grass in there so it won't be so overgrown (maybe) this year. I'd like to expand it, too, and add another Russian sage or two along the fence, replace the purple coneflower that didn't survive the drought last year, add a shasta daisy again and maybe move the black-eyed Susan if it reappears.

Some bad news from one of my "sisters" in my breast cancer support group: A couple weeks ago, her mammogram showed a marble-sized lump that proved to be cancerous. Further tests showed tumors in her lungs and chest lymph nodes. She's having a mastectomy and they'll biopsy those tumors at the same time. She was diagnosed about the same time I was, but here treatment had to be a lot more aggressive. I'm hoping she comes through this well. She's got a teenage son and she's been making a lot of headway with an organization she's in, and she's real proud of getting out of her "comfort zone," as she told me. So if you're the type, say a prayer for G., OK? Thanks.

For the weekend, I'm heading to the state capital, where the state newspaper association will have it's annual convention. The publisher and managing editor will be there, too, for the sessions, and then a couple of others will join us for the awards banquet Saturday night. The good news is, it sounds like they don't expect us to all travel together.

More garden talk

So long to the spring weather ... and the spring flowers.

After the beautiful weather the last couple weeks, this week turned cold. We even got a couple inches of snow, although it melted pretty quickly. It's still cold today, though. Most of my flowers that I pictured and talked about are just wilted, mushy caricatures now. The tulips are flattened. The ones up front didn't even get the chance to bloom. The daffodils are all hanging their shriveled blooms, and the daylillies and hyacinths aren't perky. Most of the muscari look OK, though.

There are good things continuing, though. The iris all look OK, and so do the lamb's ears. The hosta are coming up good under the pecan tree. Probably a good thing they haven't unfurled their leaves yet, so there's not much that can be damaged.

I've been working on the computer most of the morning, and see the geese have made their second appearance at my birdfeeder. And earlier, I saw the goldfinches have donned their namesake color for the spring and summer.

I should take a break and take Nipper for a walk, but he's sleeping pretty soundly (and cutely) on his bed in the living room. He's been cooped up a lot this week, though, so we should get at least a short walk in. Then later, Dad wants to take us to Easter dinner ... at the local bar & grill that recently expanded. Is a BLT considered appropriate for Easter?

Well, I'm off for a couple days, but I have a project I need to get done, and then maybe another one for later in the week as well, so I should sign off.

Power play

Last night, I worked the desk at the paper, preparing the Sunday edition. It didn't start out well -- I had to finish up SIX PAGES of stuff that should have been done on Friday, but our new editors just don't seem to get how much of a burden that is for the one person who puts together the news section.

Anyway, I didn't get started on the Sunday news section until about 5 p.m., about three hours after I got in to the office. I was really worried I wouldn't make deadline. About 8:30 p.m., the jerk who runs the mailroom, where they stuff all the advertising flyers and such into the paper, comes up front and asks us (me and the sports editor) when we think we'll be done. The sports editor knew he'd be done early, since the winter-like weather canceled all the local sports events. I wasn't sure when I'd be done, so I said I didn't know. He pressed for a time. I said "probably the usual time," which would be between 11:30 p.m. and the midnight deadline. Didn't think much more of it, and just pressed on with getting work done.

Well, things went well, and the press ran at 11:35. Mailroom jerk comes back shortly after and says to me "If you'd given me a more accurate time when I asked, I wouldn't have to wait a half hour for my guys to come in in. Thanks a lot."

I just looked at the sports editor and kind of threw up my hands. He just shook his head. The mailroom guy is one of those people who has to find something to complain about. And if I'd been able to give him an exact time, to the minute, he probably still would have found something negative to say.

Thing is, if I say something to my bosses about this, they'll just tell me to shake it off, don't let it bother me, etc, etc. But why should I be the one who has ignore him? Why should I have to be the one who shakes it off? Does anyone bother to tell him to just forget about it and go on with his job? Just shut up and deal, because this business is never a sure thing? Probably not. So just because he's an asshole, the rest of us have to adjust our attitudes? That's not right. By not dealing with him, telling him to tone down, the bosses are reinforcing his behavior, giving him the idea that he's in the right and the rest of us have to adjust to him. It's giving him power, and making the rest of us step down in status in his eyes.

I know this kind of thing happens all over the place, but why? It doesn't make for the best work environment. It isn't productive in the least. Sure, you can't fire someone for being a jerk, but why verify their behavior by ignoring or tolerating it? We don't want kids bullied in our schools, but in the workplace it's OK? We encourage kids to stand up to bullies, because, we tell them, bullies just pick on those they think are weak, and if you show you're not weak, they'll leave you alone. But what if stand up to a bully at work. Guess who's probably going to get the lecture.

Bosses need to stand up and be bosses. Just don't dismiss an employee who complains about the office jerk. 'Cause if the boss doesn't even stand up the jerk, then the jerk just thinks he's even more powerful than the boss. And he's probably right.

Hey ya, Charlie Brown

Check this out before it's closed down. A mashup of "A Charlie Brown Christmas" and Outkast's "Hey ya" (Quicktime movie).

After the rain

We had our first big rain of the season overnight, and now, with the sun trying to peek through the clouds, everything is looking green. We'll probably have to start mowing the lawn before too long!

There's lots more popping up in the garden, too:
More daffodils!


And the hillside is starting to turn green (with a few yellow daffodills):


And even the willow trees that fell into the creek during the end-of-the-year ice storm are starting to leaf out! Maybe the beavers will come by and clean that up for me.

There's more pictures here.

Today is probably going to be a gardening day. I need to clean up my wildflower garden, plus I want to try moving a couple things around there. The rain should have made the ground softer, so that will be easier. And I have some seeds to start, so that might be the first thing I do. There's a walk on Nipper's "to do" list, we still have to get the Christmas boxes put away, and I have a ton of laundry to do. So that's my weekend. Paris and Lindsay are probably envious of me.

Springing!

I walked out to fill my birdfeeders this morning and saw my first daffodil bloom!

And there's also crocus blooming:

Looks like it's going to be a beautiful day today, so I hope to get at least a few things done. Gotta walk the dog, of course, and maybe today's the day the Christmas lights can come off the house. I was a little embarrassed about still having my Christmas lights up this late until one day driving into work last week, I noticed a house that still had a garland and wreath on the front porch railing!

Yesterday was a work day (got there at 12:30 p.m., left at 1:30 a.m.) and I'm kinda still tired from that, so I don't know just how much I'll get done. The lights and the walk are a must, but actually putting the lights and other Christmas stuff in the garage rafters might have to wait. I don't get my Monday off because someone is going to a conference all next week. So maybe I'll try and get in a three-day weekend next week (if the weather is supposed to be nice, of course!)

Gamey weekend

The weather has been pretty nice lately; spring is definately on its way! The ducks and geese are visiting our part of the creek nearly every day and once in a while come up to the feeder just outside the backyard fence. It's an interesting site to see waterfoul dining next to squirrels.

Things are turning green as well. We have, so far, one blooming crocus, but many others are sprouting, along with daffodils, hyacinths, and I think even tulips! My mini-irises were the first to bloom, actually. I got a garden catalog a week or so ago that has a $25 coupon, so I think I might get a couple things to start a foundation garden between the porch and the garage. I was thinking a hydrangea bush, maybe white, and something tall and spikey like lupines or foxglove to get it started. Then we can get some landscape timber and gravel to make it match the bed where the yews are on the other side of the porch, and fill in with other plants we find at local stores. I'd love to be cleaning out my flower beds, but I don't want to get to it too early in case we get a late cold snap or snow.

This weekend has pretty much been a lazy one. We were going to take the Christmas lights down, but neither one of us felt up to it, and today it's gray and rainey, so I guess that will have to wait awhile longer. I've gotten most of my laundry done, started reading the latest Tony HIllerman mystery, and also playing some point-and-click puzzle games. The latest ones I've played and liked are Sprout where you're a little seed that has to get across the landscape to its own kind; Sphere, a room-escape game with great graphics; and Tork, where you have to figure out the local language and customs of a planet you crash-landed on. And then there's this site, with logic puzzles -- you know, where you have to figure out which person has which pet and lives in which house on which street or some such thing? Only this site has interactive grids to help you sort it out. I'll admit to using cheats and walkthroughs on the other games, but the logic puzzles I can always work out on my own.

Well, gotta get another load of laundry in. Later

Spring! (almost)

I saw a pretty cheery sight earlier this week. It was on Thursday morning, as I was getting ready for work I looked out my bedroom window, I could see swimming up the creek two Canada geese! My geese!

This pair of geese was one of the first things I saw when I first looked at the house, and they have come back every spring since then. I was worred I wouldn't see them this spring since the creek dried up pretty much completely last summer. But the big snowstorms we had at the end of the year and last month have the creek bank-full now. The geese even joined the squirrels at my birdfeeder briefly this afternoon. I don't think the squirrels were pleased, though. I also saw a pair of mallard ducks at the feeder earlier this week.

I can't quite call it spring, yet, though. Not until the turkey vultures show up.

What a weekend

Man, Saturday was probably the weirdest day I've ever seen, weather-wise. There were thunderstorms in the morning, with a tornado reported in the county to the east of us. Lightning struck a house in the town where I work, and also a utility pole at a restaraunt, toppling it over onto someone's car!

When I left for work around 1 p.m., it was raining at home. I got about halfway to town (where the weather always mysteriously changes) and hit ice. Within a few miles, I was on the scariest drive I've ever had -- the roads were covered with icy slush, and I almost slid off the road about three times in just a few miles. And I was going only about 30 mph.

When I got to work, my boss was standing in the doorway having a smoke, and he told me all this had started just about 45 minutes before I arrived. It looked like it had been snowing all morning! There wasn't a lot snow (in fact, most of it has melted off now), but it came down hard and it was windy, so it was pretty hazardous to be out for awhile. After work, I ended up crashing at a co-worker's house. But by the time I headed home Sunday morning, the highway was clean and dry. There were three cars that had slid off the road, though, so I'm glad I stayed in town. As tired as I was, I probably wouldn't have made it home OK.

I've had kind of an upset stomach and headache since yesterday afternoon, so I haven't gotten much done. But usually my Sundays after working a Saturday are kind of a waste because I'm pretty tired. So today is laundry day, and then probably a walk with the dog this afternoon, and that will probably be about it.

Blech

Haven't done much this weekend. I came down with a cold Friday, felt miserable at work, and have slept most of the time since then. I thought I was feeling better today, but early this afternoon started feeling like I was going to throw up, so I've spent the rest of the afternoon in bed. I did take poor Nipper out just a bit ago, since it's a pretty nice day. We wandered down by the creek for about 20 minutes, but it's kind of windy, so that's about all I could take. I did take a few minutes to look for signs of spring, and dang if there aren't about 10 or so daffodils coming up -- six that I planted on the hill and another four in the bed behind the garage. It's supposed to be in the 50s all week, so I'll bet there'll be more.

Yay for bacteria!

Just heard from the doctor's office ... it's just an infection!

Exhausted

That's how I feel after the last couple of days. Yesterday, I went in for a checkup on the kidney stone I had in December 2005. I had an X-ray first, and then about an hour later met with the urologist. He said there was no sign of any more stones, but I did have some blood in my urine (not enough to see), and since I'd never had any in previous samples, he did have some concern. So what I hoped would be just a "everything's fine, hope we don't have to see you again" type visit ends up with me disrobing and getting my kidneys viewed (don't aks for details).

He said there was an area that looked a bit inflamed, and I might just have a minor infeciton. But he wanted a couple more exams done just to make sure it's not something more serious. So he ordered a sonogram of my kidneys and an IVP (intravenous pyelogram, if you're into medical terms). That meant I had to "clean out" my intestines so they could get a good view. And by "cleaning out" the intestines, I mean "CLEANING OUT" the intestines. My water bill will probably be a good $15 higher just from Wednesday night. I also couldn't eat anything but clear liquids. So the only solid food I had all day was the banana I had at breakfast.

They did want me to have a full bladder for the IVP, so on the way to the hospital, I drank about a quart of water. In hindsight, that was probably too much. That was the second exam I had, and it took about an hour. By the time they were done, I felt like I was ready to burst. When the X-ray tech came back from showing the pics to a radiologist, she said "I bet you really have to go to the bathroom. You're bladder was really big!" Basicallly, the IVP is a series of X-rays tracking the progress of a dye through your renal system.

I had origianlly planned that after the exams, I'd head home and get ready for work. But by the time we got home, I had such a headache from not eating, not having my caffeine fix Wednesday, probably being a bit dehydrated, that I thought I'd take a short nap and try to get rid of it. I woke up about three hours later. Oops. I e-mailed my co-worker (who's sort of my supervisor) and explained why I wasn't there and said I'd be in for the afternoon. When he got back from lunch, I went up to him to apologize, and he told me "next time just give us a call when you get home and let us know." Uh, OK, so next time I ACCIDENTALLY oversleep I'm supposed to call beforehand and let you know? Genius.

Anyway, I'm feeling better tonight. I'm a little anxious about the results, but it's probably going to be nothing. Check back in a couple days and I'll probably know something.

Holy crap!

(Click for a larger image)

Mass relief

Tonight was my breast cancer support group. It's amazing how much of a stress reliever this is, even when it's not cancer that's got me stressed out.

It wasn't a great day at work today. I was a bit angry about the fact the guy who's my supervisor for some reason hasn't been having me read his pages (I do still have "copy editor" in my job tile as far as I know), and when I asked him about it, not only did I get a lame excuse, but he wouldn't even look me in the eye when I was trying to talk to him about it (I'm not the only person he does that to). How are you supposed to solve problems with someone like that?

Anyway, I wasn't in a great mood because of that today, but after I got to the meeting, it didn't take long for me to forget that. It's always great to just sit with these other women who have experienced the same kind of things I have ... and not even talk abou that common thing sometimes. I was in a much better mood when I got home.

Mom wasn't though. Whenever either one of is not home by a certain time, my dog, Nipper, gets anxious. I guess he was driving her a bit crazy tonight. Poor guy also has had a yeast infection in his ear for awhile now. I keep trying to keep it cleaned, but I don't always do a great job. Tonight, I tried a remedy found on the Internet -- vinegar and water -- and he must have some breaks in the skin inside his ear, because that just seemed to make it worse. He was constantly flapping and scratching at his ear for awhile. Guess I won't try that again.

Pizza Man!

I know it's too late for Sundance, and it will probably get lost in the end-of-the-year Oscars buzz, but here is my directorial debut:

Things are getting better

I've been pretty busy at work, but am feeling more comfortable with the new system we're on now. There's still a lot of frustration, though.

I think I might be trying to fight off the cold or flu or whatever Mom came down with. I haven't had a good night's sleep for several days, and feel pretty tired when I get home after work, so I haven't done much other than lay around on the couch.

Speaking of Mom, she got her own iBook this week. So I've done my part to convert a PC user to Mac. Ha! We will rule! It will just take a looooong time.

I did finally get a new bookshelf for my bedroom. It kind of matches the curio cabinet I got a couple years ago at Christmas from my family, so it's kind of nice. Frees up some floor space, now that I have my old desk out of the room, and it looks a bit neater. I'm not sure I'll need another cabinet, though. I got a 5-shelf cabinet and had planned on getting a 3-shelf one eventually, but I'm not sure I'd have stuff to put in it.

Not much else going on. It's cold. But then, it IS winter. Guess we got spoiled from the mild winters we've had the last couple years. That's about it, for now.