Not a party gal

My New Year's Eve started out with a stomach ache. So I spent most of the morning in bed. I felt better after a grilled cheese for lunch and then a shower.

This afternoon, I took Nipper for walk, which made him a happy boy, and then Mom and I took off for town, where she picked up her prescriptions and I picked up a new TV for my bedroom. For quite some time, the picture has faded in and out on the old one, so when we got $20 in gift certificates for our Christmas bonus at work (whoo-hoo!) I thought I'd get a new TV. It's nothing special, just a little 13-inch. It's at least got a headphone jack, so if I watch TV while Mom's sleeping, I don't have to have the sound down almost all they way.

Tonight, I spent a good part of the evening making some minor updates and improvements on my Web page. Nothing big, just editing some outdated stuff and changing the navigation to drop-down menus. Yeah, I'm at the forefront of Web design all right. I got through most of the site. Maybe I'll finish it up tomorrow.

And that's as exciting as my beginning of 2006 will be. If I even manage to stay awake long enough to see it come around.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Happy birthday!

Yes, today is my birthday. No. 37. I suppose I should have some deep, introspective entry here about What I Have Learned in the last six months or something, but I'm not feeling that deep today.

I really hate having a big to-do about my birthday anymore. I mean, once you're not interested in the latest toys from whatever hot movie, it's not as much fun, right? Better to just have a few people wish you happy birthday and maybe have a special dinner with friends or family and hope your presents are something that's useful or sentimental, depending on who gives it.

A few people at work said happy birthday to me today, and one gave me a card. I passed up an invite to go out after work. I just really wanted to get home for a quiet evening.

Mom's taking her nap before she goes to work, Nipper is busy with his rawhide chew he got for Christmas (it's about half gone!) and I'm watching reruns and playing on the happy.

... and many more!

Tired

The fatigue has hit. Actually it hit last night. I took Nipper for a walk -- the first time in several days, so he was happy -- but maybe I overdid it. I spent the rest of the night on the couch, barely awake, and went to bed a bit early. Today wasn't much better. I went to work, but was still pretty tired all day.

I had lunch with another friend who was visiting family for the holiday from Muncie, where she works for the newspaper there. Another co-worker joined us, but another ex-co-worker wasn't able to make it, since she had a migrane. We met at a classy micro-brewery and diner downtown. It was our first time there, and it was actually pretty good. I've heard mixed reviews about the place, but my chicken club was good. I don't drink, so can't tell you anything about the beer (although my friend said the pumpkin ale was pretty good). She gave me a ceramic star Christmas ornament that she made at one of those pottery shops where you paint the thing you want and they fire it for you. I thought it was cool she would do that.

My parents and I celebrated my birthday early at my dad's house tonight (tomorrow is the real day). We had a simple dinner, since none of us seemed to feel that great, and chocolate cake, and then I got my gifts. The big one I saw right off as I walked in the door. Mom, Dad and my brother got me a curio cabinet to keep all my Peanuts collectibles in. There's even a good spot for it in the bedroom. Mom and Dad put it mostly together at his house, so we had to load it up in Mom's truck and bring it home. We're both too tired to finish putting the door on and the shelves in, so maybe that will be a weekend project.

Mom also got me a Snoopy & Woodstock statue to put in the garden. They're in they're Beagle Scout gear and it's really cute.

That's it for now. I'm going to go get comfy and crawl into bed and watch reruns until I fall asleep.

A good day

Of all my chemo days, this one has been one of the best. We went in this morning and I got weighed and got the usual questions from the nurse. Then I visited with the doctor -- not my doctor, she's on vacation, I think. But this guy was pretty nice. He said the dry skin on my face was something that happens a lot, but showed a bit of concern about the rash on my chest and neck. My nurse (one of my favorites today) said it could be from the morphine I had when I was in the hospital with the kidney stones, even more than a week later.

We had to wait awhile before starting the chemo, because they had to do lab work. I was supposed to have it done yesterday, at the path lab that's just off the hospital's main lobby, but when I went, it was closed. So they drew the blood this morning and it took about an hour to get the results back. The herceptin was first and took about an hour through the IV drip. I got lunch delivered -- not bad for hospital food: baked chicken breast, corn, baked potato, chicken and rice soup, and cake for dessert. The new drug, Navelbine, was a "push," meaning the nurse uses a syringe to infuse the drug over a certain amount of time (about six minutes in this case).

It will probably bring my white blood cell count down, so I'll have to go back to my "isolation chamber" at work -- basically a storage area off the conference room. It can also cause some numbness or tingling in my hands and feet, but my doctor said this one doesn't have it as bad as the Taxotere can. So far, no nausea, and not really any fatigue. I didn't fall asleep during this one and I actually feel pretty good. I'll still take tomorrow off, because you never know, it could all hit me after a day or so.

Mom probably had it rougher than I did this morning. The store must have been busy, because she didn't get home until almost 8 a.m., and I think she was already tired from working Christmas night! The treatment room I was in this morning was one of the smaller ones with only one cushy recliner in it, so Mom was trying to get comfortable in the waiting-room type chair. She did manage a short nap or two, but it couldn't have been comfortable.

After we got home, we watched "Gangs of New York," and by the time that was over, we both needed naps. Now we're just lazing around watching the Kennedy Center Honors, and I have to say Robert Redford is still kinda hot.

P.S. Welcome to new readers. I've gotten a couple of plugs that have sent some traffic this way from here and here. Thanks for the links and kind words, guys!

Do they make Chapstick for your face?

The skin on my face is so dry today. You know that burning feeling you get when your lips are really dry? That's what my whole face feels like, especially under my eyes and on my eyelids. I slathered my face with lotion last night and this morning, but it didn't really help. I felt a little better after drinking about four cups of water, but it still kind of burns. I also have a slight rash around my collar bones that itched quite a bit this afternoon. And the skin on my neck is so sensitive that under normal conditions, I touch it and I get a long-lasting red blotch, so you imagine how this looked. When I was in the hospital last weekend, my doctor noticed a rash then, but it wasn't really bothering me. So I guess I have a couple questions for her tomorrow.

On the good side of the day, I got to see a good friend I haven't seen in a while, since her wedding this summer. They live in Connecticut, and it's obvious the distance is taking a toll on both of them. They plan on coming back to the Midwest, but both need another year or two of good experience before they want to move on career-wise. Probably a good choice, but I miss having her around. So we had a good evening, at her in-laws house. She asked me to bring Nipper, I think because she misses her own dog, and they're all dog people, so he had a good time too. He got cookies and some grilled beef and ice cream ... they spoiled him like he was their own. My friend gave Nipper a vanilla-flavored rawhide chew and gave me a cool picture frame. It was good to see her and get caught up. I only wish they could be here longer. But that's life, isn't it? Maybe sometime next year I can go see them.

Merry Christmas!

Hope everyone had a good day, whether or not or you celebrate a holiday today. Ours was quiet and simple. We slept in late, had apple cinnamon muffins for breakfast and read the paper. Dad came over around 10:30 a.m. and we opened the presents. Dad and I got a lot more than Mom did, but I think she always enjoys the giving more than anything. Nipper even got his share of presents, mostly edible.

We grilled KC strip steaks this afternoon, since it was such a nice day -- almost 60 degrees. We didn't do anything special to them, just put them on the grill. The smoky taste was perfect enough for December. Mashed potatoes, a salad and Dutch apple pie rounded out the meal. Afterwards, Dad headed to his place to watch the game, and Mom, Nipper and I took naps.

Mom has taken off for work at the Major Discount Store. She'll be cleaning the front end as others stock the shelves for the big after-Christmas sale and happy returns. I head to work in the morning. All in all, a good day, but in the end, it's back to the grind.

'Twas the ... oh you know

I had to work today. This is the second year in a row I've worked Christmas weekend. Doesn't seem fair, but what can you do? I was gone most of the week, and I didn't want anyone else to have to change their plans on short notice, but still. Maybe next week I'll put myself down on the newsroom calendar to be off for Christmas.

There was a fatal accident here Friday night. A car with five teenagers ran a stop sign on a county road and collided with a car driven by a local woman. A 16-year-old died and three others plus the woman in the other car were flown to a larger hospital overnight. One of the other kids might be paralyzed, but our reporter didn't get any confirmation on that. It would be horrible to lose a loved one or have them injured like that at any time, but at Christmas it must be a hundred times worse, with the unopened presents reminding them of the tragedy long after they should have been opened. I don't know any of the families, but I send some prayers their way.

Tomorrow for us, just a quiet day is planned. It's supposed to be around 60 degrees, so we're planning on throwing some steaks on the grill sometime in the afternoon. Presents in the morning, of course. Not too early, because we like to sleep in. Although, even though I'm all grown up, I do find it difficult to get to sleep on Christmas Eve, just like when I was a kid.

Hope you and yours have a good one Sunday, no matter what (of if) you celebrate.

Back to work

I went back to work this afternoon. Everybody seemed pretty glad to see me, which always makes you feel good. It was pretty slow around the office, as it always is this time of year. We really have to stretch to fill the paper some days at the end of the year. Hence, all the end-of-the-year wrapups and top ten stories of the year type of stuff we publish. We started the top ten last year, and it's a pretty good idea, at least from the aspect of filling some space.

Tomorrow, a full day, and then I work Saturday on the desk for Sunday's paper. We're looking at a 7 p.m. press time (as opposed to the usual midnight), so that won't be so bad. Then back to work Monday, and chemo on Tuesday. I'll take an extra day Wednesday to recover from that, and then it's probably back in my little "office" since I think the drug I'll be starting Tuesday is also one that affects my immune system. Well, I'll have a private place to gripe about things again at least.

Feeling better from the kidney stone adventure. Still a little sore in the kidney area, but it doesn't seem that bruised. Had a bit of "pebbles" last night move through, I think, but they said it could take up to two weeks for all the pieces of the stone to flush through my system. Yay.

I'm back!

Man, I feel better than I have since Friday night.

Spent the entire afternoon at the hospital to get the soundwave treatment for my kidney stone. They put me under for the procedure, so I don't remember any of it. All I know is that after I woke up and got over the grogginess, I felt about 80 percent better. I just have a little soreness in my back, and the nurse said I was starting to show some bruising.

I think how I feel is mostly just mental. I was so down in the dumps yesterday and not looking forward to being in the hospital again, it just made me cry. Nipper had to put in a lot of comfort time for me this morning.

We left the hospital a little before 5 p.m., stopped to pick up some KFC to satisfy my craving, and headed home. As we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. It was co-worker calling to see if she could bring over the bonus we got at work this week -- a couple of Chamber of Commerce gift certificates for $10 each. Hey, that's much more than we've gotten the last two or three years!

I might go to work for awhile tomorrow afternoon. I'll see how I feel. It may just be the Percocet making me feel like I could do that.

Getting kind of sleepy, and Nipper is really wanting to snuggle with me, so I think I'll sign off and go lie in bed for while. Thanks to everyone for your e-mails and good thoughts!

Looking for an end

I am so tired of the hospital. The people who work there are great, I will say, but I am just tired of being there, seeing the institutional colors and answering the same questions 20 times in one morning. And I get to do it all again tomorrow afternoon.

I had the procedure to put in the stent this morning. It went OK and I was home before 1 p.m., when the Home Depot contractor came by to install my Christmas present from my mom and dad -- a storm door for the front entrance to the house. It works rather well. We had the front door open for awhile and couldn't really feel any cold air coming in. If only we'd had this for the last couple snow storms! It has a retracting screen in the upper part, so that will be nice when warm weather comes again. Nipper didn't even try to walk through it. He just stood and had that "open, already, wouldya" look on his face he does with other doors.

Poor dog is starting to go stir crazy. He pulled a small football out of his basket of toys and played with it for a bit, and Mom and I kind of tossed it around for him. He's not really a plays-with-toys kind of dog, so that's a sign he's bored and has a lot of pent-up energy. I don't go back to the hospital until noon tomorrow, so maybe I can take him out in the morning and throw the old shoes he likes to play with in the yard or take him down to the creek and exercise his sniffer, too.

I'm really grateful for Mom & Dad being here, and Nipper too, because I can't imagine going through all this stuff by myself. I know my brother would be here if he could, but your e-mails are a big help, bro. And same for those long-distance friends and even you complete strangers who have wandered by here somehow and left comments. It's been hard these last few days to keep upbeat about everything. It seems like everything was going so well, and then BAM this happens to knock me down a bit. I'll keep going though, because what choice do I have?

It gets worse

I didn't make it in to work today. I was doing fine until I woke up at 5 a.m. on the dot, and my back was hurting. I thought maybe I had just slept in a funny position and my back was stiff, but after about 10 minutes I knew that wasn't true. I tried lying still for awhile to see if it would go away, but it didn't. I was a bit scared about it. I called Mom at work and asked her what she thought we should do. We decided I'd take a Percocet and see how it goes.

The painkiller helped and I was able to get some more sleep. I didn't have to take another until noon, but this one worked only for about three hours. I'm only supposed to take one every four hours. So we called the urologist's office, and they said either I could get a scrip for stronger pain pills and wait until Wednesday when I'm supposed to get it taken care of any way, or I could come in tomorrow and have a stent put in so the urine can go around the stone (which was going to be done Wednesday anyway). I opted for getting the stent early.

So I go in early tomorrow morning and get that taken care of. No Herceptin infusion tomorrow; they can make that up next week. And then I still go in Wednesday for the sound waves, at least as far as I know. The big problem is, I can't have anything after midnight because I'll be getting anesthesia, so any pain I get overnight I'm just going to have to tough it out.

It sounds like a cliche, but I'm getting sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. It really stinks that it's happening at this time of year, too. It hasn't put me in the Christmas spirit at all, and I'm looking forward more to this episode being over rather than the holiday. My birthday is a week from Friday and I had hoped to do a little something, maybe go out after work this Friday with co-workers, since I've got a big chemo next Tuesday and probably won't feel up to it on the real day, and maybe do something with the parents as well. Now I don't feel up to that either.

I'm just ready for this crap to be over with.

And how was your weekend?

I hadn't planned on doing much this weekend, but this isn't what I had in mind.

(Warning: Talk of bodily functions ahead.)

I'm lying on the couch Friday, watching the end of the evening news when I started to feel a discomfort in my left abdomen. By the time Bob Schieffer had signed off, it had built up into a sharp, stabbing pain. I shoved the dog off me and walked around the living room a bit. I tried to go to the bathroom. Nothing. The pain was getting worse. I went and told mom. She put in a call to the oncology center's hotline and talked to a nurse. She suggested going to the ER. So off we went.

We got there about 7 p.m., so I had been in pretty bad pain for about an hour. Of course, it was quite awhile before I got to see the doctor. He asked all the usual questions and questions about my cancer and chemo, they took some blood and even though I didn't feel like I could, I squeezed out enough urine for a sample.

So Mom and I waited and waited some more, and the nurse popped in once in awhile to let us know what was going on. I think there might have been an accident victim or two brought in while I was there, and I don't know that there was more than one doctor in the ER, so it was quite a wait. I did get a little morphine, so at least the pain died down.

Finally, the doctor comes in the exam room and asks Mom if she could step out for a minute, there were some other exams he needed to do. Oh, great, I thought. Does this mean getting undressed from the waist down?

"The reason I asked you mother to leave is I don't like to embarrass people in front of their parents," he started. "Your pregnancy test came up positive."

WHAT?!?! "Uh, yeah that can't be right," I stammered. Really. I mean, add it up: I've had cancer, I'm going through chemo, I'm almost bald and my mother lives with me. What are you think the odds are I'm even THINKING of doing anything like that?

I explained to him that it just couldn't be possible. "Although," I added, "it IS Christmas." At least I gave him a good laugh for the night.

He'd already called my oncologist, who said the positive result could be from the Herceptin, although she'd never heard of it happening. It seems the drug is made from hamster ovaries. A year of Herceptin treatment can cost upwards of $48,000. That's a lot of hamsters.

They arranged to have a sonogram done of my ovaries and uterus to double check, even though I told them there's NO WAY, but they wanted to also check and make sure there wasn't a cyst or something in there. I won't go into details about the sonogram. If you're female, you probably know why. Let's just say the device she was using looked like something out of a bad porno movie.

My oncologist came in while that was being done and watched for a bit. She did not look happy. She left after a few minutes and it sounded like she was talking to someone, maybe on her cell phone. When the sonogram was finished, she said she needed to talk to me before they took me back to the ER.

"I thought I was going to have to have a very serious talk with you," she said.

No kidding. I was ready to have a very serious talk with God. Y'know, where was the heavenly spotlight and booming voice? Shouldn't I at least get that?

"But it looks like that's not necessary." A second pregnancy test and the sonogram told them what I'd been saying all along. OK, God, you're off the hook.

So that scare over, I headed back to the ER, waited some more, then got a CT scan of my stomach area. Finally the results came in on that -- nearly four hours after we first got to the ER -- I had a kidney stone, four mm. They admitted me right away, and after seeing that I was settled in, Mom took off for home. It had started snowing by then, enough that I could see from my room window the parking lot was covered.

They set me up with an IV for fluids and I think I got more morphine. I didn't think I would sleep too easily, but I actually fell asleep pretty quick and never heard the night nurse coming in to check on me. As she was getting me all set up, we talked about Mexican food. She had an aunt from Mexico that her family visits every year in El Paso, and she said they all cooked up a bunch of food and everyone would take some home. I told her how when I was born and we lived in New Mexico, our neighbor lady was from Mexico and taught Mom how to make some stuff. Which is why I don't call it "chili soup."

I didn't wake up at all until 5 a.m. Saturday. And that's about all I did all day Saturday. Sleep. Call for help to pee. It wasn't so much I needed help, but I had to pee in the thing they call a hat (why? You don't put it on your head, for god's sake) and the nurses then had to strain it to see if I passed the stone. I did need help a couple times, because the morphine made me nauseous and after getting up shortly before lunch I did throw up. Then the nurse brought lunch awhile later and the first smell of the broccoli stuff just set my stomach quivering. The IV machine started beeping about then, so I hit the call button for the nurse, and pretty much as soon as she stepped in the room -- blaaaarf -- there went the cheese and crackers and chocolate pudding I'd had earlier in the morning. I think I got one bite of the beef stew. It was a shame, too because that chocolate cake looked really good. And I hadn't really eaten anything since about 5 p.m. the night before, and all that was was popcorn, apples and cheese and a Cherry Coke. I think some of that was in the bucket, too.

Mom and Dad missed the show literally by just minutes. I'm surprised they couldn't hear me ralphing when they got off the elevator, it was that close. They stayed with me for probably a couple hours, although I certainly wasn't much of a conversationalist. I think I slept most of the time they were there. It had been snowing all through night, and I know they were concerned about the roads, so I told them they didn't have to stay long on my account. It was kind of lonely the rest of the day and the night, but Mom brought me a picture of Nipper, just like I'd done for her when she had her hospital stays.

The rest of Saturday was pretty uneventful. I got some anti-nausea drugs, so I was able to eat some dinner and had breakfast this morning. I was woken up for an X-ray at 6 a.m. (they brought the machine to my room). The urologist came in again (we visited some Saturday) and said the stone hadn't moved at all since Friday night, and since I hadn't had any pain (not much, at least) since later Saturday afternoon, I could go home. I go back Wednesday to have it zapped with sound waves (apparently that's the only day they have that machine here), so as long as I don't have the intense pain come back and take it easy, I should be OK. I have to strain my own pee now, in case I do pass it. I won't tell you how much fun that is.

I'm going to try going to work tomorrow, since I just really do desk work, and my Herceptin chemo should still be scheduled for Tuesday. The week after that, I start on a new drug (whose name I don't remember at the moment) to replace the Taxotere that I had the reaction to a couple weeks ago. This one, though, doesn't cause hair loss! The doc said it might not grow more while I'm on, but I won't lose what I have. Hmmm ... this might be the time to try some wacky colors.

I guess if one good thing can be found in all this, it's that it didn't happen NEXT weekend.

Well, hope everyone had a better weekend than mine.

Later

Cough, cough, sniff

I'm home sick today, having caught a cold from a co-worker. Yes, the same co-worker from whom I caught a cold right after my surgery to put in my port. The cold that lasted over a week. I don't think it will be that bad this time. I don't feel that awful, but decided to stay home so it wouldn't get worse and I'd have to worry about putting off my next treatment. I'm tired, but my throat's feeling better. I can use the time to start, er finish, my Christmas cards.

It's supposed to snow this weekend, starting tonight and with at least a slight chance until Monday. The Weather Channel doesn't hold much hope for a white Christmas, though. That's OK. It's not like I'm expecting a sled for Christmas. Since I'll be working the day before, the day after and have treatment the Tuesday after Christmas, not dealing with snow would be OK by me.

Where's my Muse?

I really thought I would have a lot more to say.

But lately I can't really think of that much. It's like outside of cancer, I don't have anything worthwhile to talk about.

I thought being a part of Holidailies would maybe rekindle something. So far it really hasn't. I can't ever think of anything that sounds like it would be remotely interesting. Not when I'm sleeping, not when I'm showering ...

It wasn't always like this. I used to write all the time. I had opinions. I wrote poetry. I just wrote. Now I just don't have the urge. Maybe I never should have gotten back into reporting all those years ago. Maybe it burned me out from having something to say and a means to say it. Sometimes I feel like I've lost part of myself and don't know how to get it back. Sometimes I wonder if I want it back. Most of the time, I just don't seem to care.

Feeling good

Today's been a good day. I had my second Herceptin infusion today, and I think I'm going to like Tuesdays.

I had my usual kinda down feeling about work, then had to head out about 1 p.m. to my treatment. I got to the cancer center and when the nurse took me into the treatment room, she offered to bring me some hot chocolate. She got a saline started to flush my port and then brought me a couple of chocolate chip cookies. And after getting my hercepton started and taking my blood pressure, she turned out the light and let me have a nice, hour-long nap. It was a nice break in the workday, and when I got back to the office, I was in a great mood. It helped that I also had to go the library to pick up some photos from the history room for the mystery photo contest, so I took my time and also found myself a couple of books -- Janet Evanovich's "Eleven on Top" and "A Christmas Carol" by Charles Dickens. I said last year I was going to read it, having only seen various film and TV adaptions, but didn't get around to it. So this year I will.

After work, Mom came in to town and we picked out our Christmas tree and had dinner out. Yesterday in town, I picked up some cheap plastic Christmas bows to put on the fenceposts by the driveway and repaired my recycled Christmas tree and got it lit up (it's made of instant breakfast drink cans spray painted green on the outside with holes drilled in the back to stick multicolored lights in. It's flimsy and and kinda cheap, but it looks nice on the porch. And it's recycled! Just don't kick it on your way in the door!

Now we're watching the finale of "The Amazing Race." Go Bransons! If the weavers win, I will become an atheist.

Urp

Saturday turned out to not be a great day. A friend from work and I got together for lunch before I had to go to work, which is nice, since neither of us gets out that much. We tried a new bbq place run by a guy who used to work at the paper. We both had the roast beef sandwich, and I added the macaroni salad. We sat and talked for about an hour before I had to get to the office. Awhile later, though, I was not feeling that great. My stomach was definitely unsettled, and it never quite back to normal all day or night. I made a lot of trips to the freezing cold bathroom and went through a half a roll of Tums (why do they even bother trying to flavor them like candy?) and a can of Sprite. I was a bit worried being sick had something to do with my chemo last Tuesday, but Judy stopped by later in the afternoon and said she wasn't feeling too well, either. Plus, my neck was stiff, too, and I couldn't get it to pop or anything. All I wanted to do all night was finish up, drive home real fast and get in my comfy bed with my dog curled up against my stomach and a heating pad on my neck. And when I did, it was heaven.

Today, I took it easy. Slept in and started some laundry. Watched "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I laughed out loud several times. Johnny Depp was charmingly creepy. I'd have to say I like this better than the Gene Wilder version of the story, but that's got an appeal all its own.

Nipper and I took a walk to Dad's house, where Mom had gone after getting work this morning. They were standing out on the porch, watching us arrive. It was funny, because when we were getting ready for our walk, I said to Nipper, "We could go walk to Dad's." And that's exactly what he wanted to do. Normally, when we get to 10th street, we'll head east to the park, but he just wanted to go north -- which we never do. He wanted to follow the road, though. I had to make him cut across the ballfields, which he was happy to do once he figured out that meant I'd take his leash off for awhile.

We visited with Mom & Dad for awhile, and then headed for home with Mom in her truck. She's taking a nap now so we can watch the "Survivor" finale tonight. I'm hoping Danni wins it -- not just because she's from my home state, but because it would be a nice come-from-behind kind of win from someone who was kind of numerically on the odds out of winning. At least I don't HATE any of the last contestants this time. Lydia is maybe the only one who hasn't really played the game, floating along on others' coattails, but she has gotten farther than many.

"Survivor" ends tonight, "Amazing Race" on Tuesday ... can't they time these things a little better? What are we supposed to watch after this week?

I suppose there's always books.

Good one.

It was so darn cold at the office Thursday, that Friday I decided I'd be prepared. I had on the thick thermal underwear, jeans, my company sweatshirt with a hoodie underneath ... I was ready. And of course, it was warm in the office yesterday.

At least it was a decent day, work-wise. Nothing too annoying, but the news was slow. I did page one, and wasn't real happy with it since there just wasn't much to put there. I'm on desk for the Sunday paper today, too, and while there's not a lot of news for us, I had a little fun with the design for page one yesterday. I usually don't get to do too much in any special designing projects. I guess I'm a bit too traditional for what the bosses want. Stick to just a couple, maybe three, fonts and that's it. Keep It Simple, Stupid. Sometimes I think we cross the line in our page one designs in how outrageous they get. Kind of gaudy, sometimes. Sure, it's fun to design, but you still should have your page one say "this is a newspaper." Not "look, we have computers!"

Anyway, I have to go fill the birdfeeders. It's not as cold today, already about 40 degrees, but the critters need their fuel. And Nipper needs to get out and play. We've hardly been out all week, so I'll bundle up and take him down to the creek for awhile. He'll be happy.

Brrrr!

Today was just freezing! It was below zero when I woke up, and I don't think it warmed up much over about 15 degrees above zero during the day. I wore two layers top and bottom to work and that wasn't even enough. I put on my ever-present sweater I keep at work (even wear it during the summer, that's how screwey our system is) and by the afternoon had a blanket across my lap. And I was still cold.

And don't even get me started on the women's bathroom. I swear I saw ice forming in the toilet bowl.

Fortunately, I have a decent car now, and it warms up pretty good. Still, today, it took about half my 15-minute commute for the CRV to warm up nicely. In the old 89 Mustang I used to have, I wouldn't have even bothered turning on the heater on a day like today. I wouldn't have driven as fast over parts of the road, either.

No more adverse affects from Tuesday's chemo, so that's good. There's some good news about Herceptin today (which is what I started on Tuesday), but there's also some not so great news about breast cancer.

Yawn

My first-ever Hollidailies entry and there's nothing to report. It's been quiet today, especially compared to yesterday, but maybe that's a good thing. I'm kind of tired, but not like the days after my past rounds of chemo. I've been taking it easy, in case I do have another allergic reaction, but I've gotten some things done around the house. Unloaded the dishwasher and loaded the dirty dishes (after taking a break) and even scooped some snow off the walk after filling the birdfeeders this morning.

Finished watching "The Pacifier" a bit ago, and it wasn't too bad. I wouldn't give it four stars, but it was a good snowy-day distraction. Maybe I'll do some surfing and then get back to my book, "murder@maggody.com," by Joan Hess. I don't remember reading this one, but I do know I read the one after this one in the series. So either I skipped this one or the chemo brain erased it completely!

Tonight, not much planned. Maybe I'll just finish the book and go back to the library tomorrow and see if they got anything good in over the last few days. Maybe I'll see if they're getting then new Sue Grafton Kinsey Milhone novel, "S is for Silence." It wasn't in their electronic card catalog the other day. There's usually a waiting list for her books though, so if you're reading it now, don't spoil it for me!

Is there anything worse than daytime TV? Yeesh.

Didn't go so well

Back from my treatment this afternoon, and it was a bit of a doozey. It went OK at first with the usual anti-nausea drugs I get first, but I didn't immediately fall asleep this time. Then came the Hercepton, which went fine.

Then I got the Taxotere. At first it was just a slow drip and the nurse stayed in the room to make sure I wouldn't have any adverse reaction. After about 15 minutes, she said she would increase the drip, and no sooner did she sit back down when I started feeling a bit flushed and there was a bit of tightness in my chest. Mom said my face got red and my eyes lost color and my hands went pale. About the time the nurse asked if I was OK for the second time, boom! My chest tightened like an accordion! She turned off the flow on IV drip and called for help. Suddenly there was another nurse putting oxygen tubes in my nose, the first nurse was putting one of those finger pulse-readers on me, and a doctor came in the room and listened to my breathing through a stethoscope, then my regular doctor came in ... there were about half a dozen medical personnel in the room all checking on me, doing this and that.

My heart rate went up to about 100 beats per minute and didn't come down much further in the half-hour I waited there. It was all kind of scary there for a bit, but the staff all seemed to know exactly what to do, so that helped keep me from panicking. They said this happens about once a month.

I'm back home and feeling OK now. Have some medicine to take to help keep any allergic reaction from popping up again. I'm tired though, so probably will be taking tomorrow off. I didn't get much of the Taxotere, so the side effects shouldn't be too bad.

I go back in next Tuesday and the Tuesday after that for the Herceptin. On the second Tuesday, I'll visit again with my oncologist and lay out another plan for treatment. It could be Taxol instead, but that's in the same family as Taxotere, so I could have the same reaction to it. So I guess we'll see.

All in all, this one was an interesting day.

A bit tired

My legs hurt. Like I've been walking all day. But I haven't. Haven't even taken a walk with the dog today (it was only in the 30s).

I took Decadron for the first time this morning. It's a steroid that's supposed to help keep me from having an allergic reaction to the Taxotere. I don't know if that's the cause of my leg pain or if it's the Muga test I had today. I think I talked about this before. Basically, I have my blood drawn, the tech adds some radiological material to it, lets it set up for about half and hour and then injects it back in my body. A special camera that picks up the radiation then takes a picture of of my body. Today they focused on my chest to see if my heart is in good enough shape. I have to have an output of 50 percent. I think it's mainly in relation to getting the Herceptin, as that can cause heart damage itself (not permanent, though.) I'll have to have this test about every eight weeks to make sure I'm OK.

Tomorrow is the first chemo with the Taxotere. I'm a little nervous. It has the same basic side effects as the previous drugs I had, but also there can be numbness or pain in the hands, and fingernail discoloration (in rare cases, the fingernails can fall out). I could react completely different with this one as far as the nausea, or it could be the same as the last rounds. I hope I don't have problems with my hands, since that could make working on a computer difficult. Tune in Wednesday to find out.

In the mood?

I woke up this morning to falling snow. Not the wind-driven blizzard kind, but just a light powdery kind gently drifting to the ground. I bundled up and took Nipper with me to refill the bird feeders and we tramped around the creek together and played in the backyard for awhile. Now we're sitting on my bed where I can look out the window and watch the birds at the feeders while sipping hot chocolate and nibbling on shortbread cookies while listening to "A Charlie Brown Christmas." The snow is getting lighter now, but it's the perfect kind to remind you of the season.

Outside at the feeders are a couple of female cardinals (unusual to see), juncos, house finches, gold finches (in their winter green/gray), numerous sparrows and even a mourning dove. I've seen four doves at the feeders at once. Usually I don't see them at all. It must be a tough winter for the birds.

I found out recently that a couple of people I know with breast cancer have had recurrences. One is my mom's college friend, Bonnie, who has been a real inspiration. She's dealt with bc about five times in the last decade or so. She's taking a drug now to try to reduce the tumors. The other is an online friend who has been dealing with bc a couple years and provided some comfort and guidance after I was diagnosed. She had surgery recently to remove one tumor from her brain, and has several more that they will have to figure out how to deal with. I send my best hopes for both of them.

Not much on the schedule for today. Laundry. Maybe some reading. Maybe some online Christmas shopping. Just a nice, quiet weekend. Hope yours is, too.

Later