Feeling better

Things are looking up. I don't have a constant upset stomach, I can eat tasty food again, and I'm generally feeling more upbeat. It's amazing how cancer drugs can affect every facet of your life.

Still not loving my job, but some days can make up for the bad ones. My co-page designer was gone today (daycare problems, it seems) so I did page one, and on a day when we had a big story. Wednesday afternoon, there was a chase on the interstate that ended in a shootout. The two people in the car were killed, and it turns out they are suspects in a Utah murder. Add to that the student teacher who was arrested after almost 40 pounds of pot was found in his car on school grounds, and it's been an interesting week around here. That doesn't happen often. When it does, though, there's kind of an electricity in the newsroom, and that reminds me of one of the reasons I got into this business in the first place. Tomorrow, back the to drudgery, though: it's wedding page day.

I think I might still look into finishing my degree (that would be my bachelor's, by the way). I was looking at the local university's online course catalog the other day, and it wouldn't take too much, I don't think, but if I took just one course a semester, it might take a year or so. If I went for my journalism degree, I figure it'd be around 11 hours. There's another required course for the journalism degree they added (on electronic media), and I'd have to finish the Spanish III course. I might be able to do those online. There's also a couple of lab classes I'm not sure I ever took. On the other hand, I might be able to get a bachelor of general studies with even less work. I think there, I might have a course in the sciences to meet the requirements. I've probably got enough hours in communication to meet the area of concentration requirement, but I'm not sure about the electives requirement. I'm having lunch next week with a prof from my college days, so I'll probably ask her what she thinks.

I finally got around to finishing cleaning my room. Now I just have some filing and organizing to do. Got my taxes started and that refund is looking good! I should use it to pay bills, but I might splurge and get me a nice new chair for the living room or my bedroom, or use it to paint the rest of the rooms in the house and do some decorating and landscaping.

Next week, I have three days in a row of medical appointments: Monday is a MUGA scan to make sure the Herceptin isn't damaging my heart; Tuesday is my appointment to set up for radiation and also Herceptin day; and Wednesday is my checkup with the urologist on my kidney stone. I guess at least I'll have some time away from work. That's always one way to look at it.

Hello again

Things didn't necessarily improve after my last post. I guess Neupogen is trying to get its last shots in on me or something. My stomach was upset for days, I couldn't eat much and I got a bit depressed. I'm still not really out of it totally. I'm still feeling a bit down, and my stomach was still a bit upset today, plus I've got some heartburn. I'm just so tired of being sick and tired all the time. I just want to feel good again, and it's not happening fast enough.

Then on top of it all, I go to a job that I don't feel all that good about, either. Somehow, I just feel like I don't fit in there anymore. Even when I was back in the newsroom, it didn't feel like I was part of things. I go in, do the mundane tasks, and go home, and only a few people -- not anyone who decides how much or what work I do -- really tries to include me in anything. I've tried getting myself back into things, with little response. Maybe I just don't care enough about this place anymore to try that hard.

Maybe this next year would be a good time to take some classes, learn some new skills and then when I'm all done with my treatment (and don't have to worry so much about the insurance issues) move on. It's too late to enroll in this semester, so maybe I should look into that before summer.

Things just got worse

After Monday's post, it certainly did. The bone pain got so bad I could not comfortable and could not really sleep, even after taking Loratab, a prescription painkiller I got from after my surgery to put my port in. It relaxed me physically some, especially after I moved out to the couch to sleep, but I hated what did to my head. I was picking up conversations with people I haven't seen or heard from in a decade. I wouldn't have made it through the night if it weren't for Mom, rubbing my back and reminding me to take my antibiotics on time. I was in tears a lot from both the pain and frustration. Thanks, Mom! You need a raise, too.

We visited with my oncologist Tuesday, and told her about the bone pain and about how the Novelbine had been affecting me as far as a stronger fatigue and my emotions up and down, and she said we could end that part of my treatment! And also no more of the Neupogen shots for a few days, until we see what my blood count is. So the good news is, that part of my chemo is over! I couldn't be more relieved, honesty, because this was becoming hard. I don't think I could have taken another week of it. Now I understand where some of the women on the breastcancer.org board were coming from, and some of them seemed to have it a lot worse. It's not just your body that suffers, but your emotions, your sense of worth (when you don't know from day to day if you can go to your job or do anything around the house).

I'll continue with the herceptin for about the next year. The doc said she's confident enough about where I'm at that losing the few weeks of the Novelbine won't be any harm. The herceptin is the drug that will do it, she said. She also said she's had another bc patient who had kidney stones, so the company is looking into any connection. Turns out that patient is the sister-in-law of a co-worker who was diagnosed about the same time I was. And then Monday, I also found out another co-worker's sister-in-law has just been diagnosed. It's almost scary how much there of this going around.

I'll also be starting my radiation treatment earlier. That wasn't supposed to be for another couple months, after the Novelbine, but now I'll meet with the radiation oncologist in two weeks, so I'll probably start soon after. I know there's a lot of prep work they do (including putting little tattoos on you so they can line up the equipment to zap the right spot. I always thought if I got a tattoo, it'd at least be something cool. Oh well.)

I did throw up yesterday, after we got home from the doc's visit. I just attributed it to all the stress and sleeplessness of the night before, but I've felt kinda nauseous off and on since then. It's really annoying, because I really just want to wake up and feel good for once.

Yucky Monday

Got my blood drawn for lab work this afternoon and the results are not good. My white blood cell count is so low, they won't let me have my treatment tomorrow. I'll still see my doc, and I'm going to ask her about possible having treatment every other week. Even though that will stretch out my treatment, I'd rather have time in between to build my immune system, strength and emotions back up. More Neupogen shots are on tap for today, tomorrow and Wednesday, too. The bone pain is manageable when I'm at home, but when I went to work for a few hours this afternoon, I hard time not moaning and groaning a lot. Which would have been embarrassing, since the managers were having their meeting in the next room. (Reason no. 32 I do not want to be a manger: you spend a lot of time talking about really boring stuff in a LOT of detail. "Should it say 'the' here? Does that arrogant? Is it even grammatically correct?" Yawwwwn!)

Thanks all for the support. I need some cheering up once in a while!

I know it's been awhile

Truthfully, I haven't been feeling as good as my last post may have sounded. Through the last week I've just felt dead tired. Since treatment last Tuesday, the fatigue has hit hard, not to mention the digestive problems. I haven't felt much like eating more than liquids anyway. I went to work only half days Wednesday and Thursday, managed to get through a full day Friday and then had to work the desk (about 11 hours) on Saturday. I was walking like an old, arthritic person, as one buddy at work put it. On top of all that, it was hard keeping my spirits up last week. Nipper and I spent a lot of snuggle time together.

My white blood cell counts are way down again, so not only am I in my little "office" again, but I'm on antibiotics and had Neupogen shots Friday, Saturday and Sunday to bring the count up again.

Sunday was spent all day in bed still dead tired. Some scrambled eggs from Mom in the evening perked me up a bit, but I ended up staying home from work this morning. I got up and went through my usual routine, but was pretty exhausted after my shower. So I called in sick for the morning, and glad I did. About the time I would have got to work, the bone pain from the Neupogen shots kicked in. Imagine the worst ache you've ever had (ladies, that's probably not too difficult, guys I don't know what your equivalent would be ), and imagine it coming from deep inside every big bone in your body -- not just hips, but the lower back, thighs, shoulders, arm, sometimes even the ribs. This is from deep inside the marrow, too. Fortunately, painkiller and the heating pad seem to help.

I have to go in for lab work today to see if I'm up for chemo tomorrow. I might put in an hour or two at work (God forbid a man should have to do the Food Page). It's an awful blustery day today, too. At least we're not getting the snow they were predicting earlier. But I wish I'd been feeling better yesterday when it was about 70 and sunny and my poor dog should have been out enjoying it instead of comforting me. He needs a raise.

A better day

I'm feeling much better today, although I woke up this morning with a headache, so I didn't get a lot done earlier today. All week I felt pretty crappy -- tired, bloated, etc. -- and just wound up each day on the couch with the heating pad and then to bed with the heating pad. I suffered through work with an upset stomach all day. I hope this isn't going to be the way I react to the new chemo regimen, 'cause it would really suck to feel that awful for the next two months. If it happens again next week, I guess I'll need to talk with my doc about it.

I'm glad I'm feeling better today because we have more of the unseasonably warm weather that's been pervading this winter. It's about 60 right now, and as soon as the laundry in the dryer (with some clean sweatpants) is done, I'm taking Nipper for a walk. We both need to get out in the sunshine and fresh air.

This morning I did get a couple loads of laundry done. I need to finish the cleanup/organizing I started on my bedroom last week and start taking the decorations off the tree. Since I didn't feel great, I did at least watch "Kill Bill Vol. 1," which I've had sitting around for a week or so. It's the first Tarantino film I've seen. Most of the first half was pretty dull, I thought, and a couple of times I almost turned it off. It didn't really get my interest until she went to Tokyo to kill the first of the assassins. And the violence is pretty over the top, what with the fountains of blood and cheesey '70s music, so it's not like it's gory violence -- more comic, really. Still, it's probably not something my mom would want to watch.

Well, laundry's done. Time for a nice walk.

Christmas pics

Some Christmas-time pics from us:
Nipper gets into the Christmas spirit:



Nipper and me:


Nipper shows off one of his gifts:



Me with the curio cabinet my mom, dad and brother gave me. That's just part of my Peanuts collection in there:

Blahg entry

I haven't posted for a few days because I haven't been feeling that great. I've been a little ... blocked up, let's say, and bloated and it's not a great feeling, especially when combined with fatigue. I hope this is just a temporary thing and doesn't happen every week, since I'm getting the Navelbine every week for the next seven weeks along with the Herceptin. I don't want to get to feeling better only to have this happen all over again after treatment Tuesday. It would really suck to feel like this for the next two months.

Dinner's been really simple the last couple days -- last night was just mashed potatoes. Tonight, I'm thinking a milkshake. Then an evening on the couch with the hot pad. Exciting life, eh?

Dinnertime

Tonight I made dinner for myself. I know that sounds unremarkable, but I don't really cook much. Mom (if you're new here, SHE moved in with ME) does most of the cooking. Cooking every day does get to be a drag, but there is a good feeling from making your own meals. Mom didn't feel good tonight, so she just had Cream of Wheat.

I like to cook, but I'm not real fancy about it. I mean, it's not like I have all day to make a big meal. There's always something out of a box or a can or frozen, but I like to stay away from the over-processed stuff when I can. Tonight was pretty simple. A baked chicken breast, some mashed potatoes, corn muffins -- one my favorite quick meals. I also made enough I that I can take some for lunch later in the week. I need to do more of that kind of thing (see the previous post). Prepackaged, store-bought meals are convenient and all, but especially having had cancer, I should be cutting my intake of highly processed foods.

I actually have one of those FoodSaver vacuum sealers. I don't use it as much as I did at first, but maybe I'll get back into using it. I know the infomercials are goofy, but it really works as well as they say it does. Of course, I bought one BEFORE they added the feature that lets you vacuum seal breads and other soft foods. Oh well. If I got a new one, they'd just come up with some new features.

Obligatory resolutions post

So it's 2006, and time for resolutions. Here we go:
1) Get through the rest of my treatment with the same ease I did the first part.
2) Stay healthy the rest of the year.
3) Finish the kitchen/dining room decorating project I started the summer before last.
4) Paint my bedroom and living room. Worry about making everything else in the rooms match next year.
5) Use at least one week of my vacation time to travel somewhere.
6) Take my lunch to work more than I eat out.

That's enough. Can't overdo it, after all.