Not any more special

Thinking this morning about a friend. In 2003, on my drive to work as I neared the bluff overlooking Yocemento, a little collection of homes and a grain elevator about halfway between Ellis and Hays, I saw a big buck silhouetted at the top. I thought that was a pretty cool thing to see on my birthday.

I got to work a few minutes later and sat at my computer getting started on my day. Just a short time later, though, our photo editor took a call that was not good news. One of our former photographers had died in an accident near his hometown, discovered right about the time I was passing Yocemento.

I felt like the world dropped out from under me. I wouldn't say Mark and I were buddies, but we worked together and he always made me laugh. He was often bringing me gifts — a big Snoopy mug with candy at Valentine's Day, breakfast burritos from McDonald's — as a thank-you, he said, for reading over his photo cutlines before he submitted his photos for the paper. I appreciated the gestures, but I thought it was funny he would do that, since it was just part of my job.

But when a group of us from work went to his hometown for a viewing and to visit with his family a few days later, I learned that Mark had had a learning disability. His parents were told he probably wouldn't graduate high school because of it. He not only graduated, he went on to get both an associate's and a bachelor's degree and work in journalism.

I like to think the buck was actually Mark's spirit, if only for that moment, saying goodbye and maybe happy birthday. I miss him and wish I'd gotten to know him better.

People treat me as if I'm something special for surviving cancer. But I think Mark was a pretty special person, and he doesn't get to celebrate birthdays anymore. His loved ones and friends don't get to hear his laugh or hear his voice or tell him about their day. And it's the same for a handful of wonderful women I got to know through my breast cancer support group, for a good number of my high school classmates and for co-workers Matt and Martin. I think about them all very often and sometimes wonder why I am here and they are not.

I am lucky that I am still here to celebrate another birthday. But it is, really, another day that is no more special than the rest, and I am no more special than anyone else.

Looking for ideas

So I tried making these mason jar corndogs. They're actually pretty good — convenient for lunches, takes only about a minute and a half in the microwave to heat up, slides right out of the jar just fine.

The only problem I have with them is the cornbread-to-hotdog ratio is out of proportion! Way too much corn for the dog, in other words. So I need something more narrow than the 8-oz mason jars I used to make them in. Doesn't have to be taller, just narrower so there's not so much cornbread around the dog. Needs to be able to go from oven to freezer to microwave. Dishwasher safe a plus but not required.

If you have any ideas, leave them in the comments. Links would be appreciated!

Cooking weekend

I've had a rare full weekend off (on a holiday weekend, no less!) and have been spending a lot of time cooking ahead. Not too much, though, because I've overdone it before and worn myself out. I wanted just enough to have plenty of meals for lunches and dinners ready and still get to enjoy my time ("Horrible Bosses" was very funny, and "Win Win" was great. Recommend them both).

So what have I been cooking? I tried some of the mason jar meals I posted about earlier: the sliders, corn dogs and creamy chicken curry with cilantro lime rice. I also made more chili and cornbread muffins (because CORNBREAD is what you serve with chili, dammit), and chicken enchilada soup. And I had already made some sloppy joe mix about a week ago.

Chili & cornbread muffins.

Chicken enchilada soup.

Here's notes on the others:

Corn dogs

I halved the recipe listed because I wanted to see how they turned out, plus by the time I got to this recipe on Sunday, I was down to just 6 mason jars. I ended up with batter to make only five, though (so that means Buster got half a frankfurter — he was happy!) They didn't quite look done at 20 minutes, so I put them in for another three and probably could have done another couple of minutes, really. I also forgot to grease the jar before pouring in the batter, but I just ran a knife sprayed with Pam around the edge as soon as I took them out of the oven, and they didn't stick too bad.

Sliders

These were pretty good right out of the oven. We'll see how they do after being frozen and reheated. I did forget to pat down the meat to get rid of the excess grease, but they turned out pretty good. I also had trouble getting them in jars, even the 16-ounce ones I have. Maybe it's because I used King's Hawaiian rolls for the buns? I bagged them in pairs in sandwich bags instead. Kinda defeats part of the purpose of using the jars, I know, but it's all I had.

Creamy chicken curry with cilantro lime rice

This was pretty good, but I'll have to do some tweaking. I made the rice a bit differently. First of all, I used brown rice, since that's what I had. And I made it more like the rice dishes at Something Edible, adding the cilantro & lime zest to the butter, browning the rice, then adding the water with the lime juice and salt in the water. It does give the rice a lot more flavor, but in this dish, it might have added too much lime flavor. Or maybe I needed more curry to balance out the lime? Haven't had a lot of curry dishes, so I'm not sure how spicy it should be.

So the final tally of my cooking weekend:
Sliders — 5 pairs
Chicken enchilada soup — 10 8 oz jars
Chili — 8 8 oz jars
Corn dogs — 4
Chicken curry & rice — 5
Sloppy joes — 7

So that's a total of 39 meals. Maybe along with the occasional turkey sandwich, and if I make some lasagna again later, I'll have enough variety to keep me from getting too bored and caving to a desire for going out to lunch or raiding the vending machine too often. It'll be interesting to see how my bank account shapes up later.

Nourish peace

Arun Gandhi concluded his speech here with this:

Grandfather liked to tell us the story of an ancient Indian king who was obsessed with finding the meaning of peace. What is peace? How can we get it? And what should we do with it when we find it? These were some of the questions that bothered him. Intellectuals throughout his kingdom were offered a handsome reward to answer the king's questions. Many tried but none succeeded. At last, someone suggested the king consult a sage who lived just outside the borders of his kingdom.

"He is an old man and very wise," the king was told. "If anyone can answer your questions he can."

The king went to the sage and posed the eternal question. Without a word the sage went into his kitchen and brought a grain of wheat to the king. "In this you will find the answer to your question," the sage said as he placed the grain of wheat in the king's outstretched palm.

Puzzled but unwilling to admit his ignorance, the king clutched the grain of wheat and returned to his palace. He locked the precious grain in a tiny gold box and placed the box in his safe. Each morning, upon waking, the king would open the box and look at the grain seeking an answer, but he could find nothing.

Weeks later another sage, passing through, stopped to meet the king, who eagerly invited him to resolve his dilemma.
The king explained how he had asked the eternal question but was given a grain of wheat. "I have been looking for an answer every morning but I find nothing."

"It is quite simple, your honor," said the sage. "Just as this grain represents nourishment for the body, peace represents nourishment for the soul. Now, if you keep this grain locked up in a gold box it will eventually perish without providing nourishment or multiplying. However, if it is allowed to interact with the elements-light, water, air, soil-it will flourish and multiply, and soon you would have a whole field of wheat to nourish not only you but so many others. This is the meaning of peace. It must nourish your soul and the souls of others, and it must multiply by interacting with the elements."

It was a nice bookend, actually, to how he opened his speech, with a story attributed as a North American Indian legend (you've probably seen this going around Facebook recently):

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

As you stop to give thanks on this day, and as we celebrate the holidays or vow to make resolutions for the new year, I hope you'll stop to think of what you are nurturing in your life — and how that affects those around you.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Passive violence is violence, too

More thoughts on Arun Gandhi:

Gandhi spoke a great deal on his grandfather's philosophy of nonviolence. And I found myself nodding right along with what he said. It coincides so much with what I have been reading lately. But there were some new things I managed to glean from what he said, too.

He spoke about avoiding physical violence, obviously, but he also spoke about passive violence. Having negative thoughts, speaking negatively about others, acting negatively are all forms of passive violence. And passive violence leads to physical violence.

And passive violence comes in forms you might not have thought of.

Arun Gandhi told a story about how one day he realized the pencil he was using for his studies his grandfather was having him do was getting short. It was still usable, but he wanted a newer pencil, so Arun just simply threw the pencil away while outside, then went to ask his grandfather for a new pencil.

Instead of just giving him one, Gandhi began asking him a lot of questions: What happened to the pencil he had? How short was it? Could he still use it? Instead of a pencil, young Arun got a flashlight and was ordered to find the pencil he threw away and use it until it was no more. He said it took him about two hours to find the pencil in the dark, and when he did, he took it to his grandfather.

Gandhi then explained to Arun that things like pencils, or our food or clothing, come from Earth's natural resources, and to waste them — as Arun did by throwing away a pencil he could still use — is violence against nature.

Additionally, as people of some means who could afford such things, to simply throw away usable items or uneaten food is taking them away from the less fortunate, and that is violence against humanity.

"Passive violence fuels the fire of physical violence," Arun said. So we should do what we can to not create violence in the first place, and also learn to channel our anger so that it leads to positive action instead of physical violence.

He told another story from his 18 months living in India with his grandfather.

Gandhi had many programs going on to help create freedom from India's caste system, suffrage for women, helping the poor, etc. These needed to be funded. Hundreds of people came every day for the interfaith prayer sessions Gandhi would conduct, and many wanted his autograph. So, to help fund his programs, he would charge people for his autograph.

Part of Arun's duties was to collect the autograph books, papers, etc. that people wanted signed, along with the fee. Arun thought to himself that he wanted his grandfather's autograph. But he didn't think he should have to pay for it. So one day, he snuck his own autograph book into the stack, but did not include any money.

When Gandhi came across that book while signing autographs for that day, he stopped and asked why there was no money with it. Arun spoke up that it was his, and that because he was family, he should not have to pay. His grandfather said no, that he would not get any special treatment and had to pay. Arun vowed he would get his grandfather's autograph somehow without paying for it. His grandfather said he would not.

Mohatma Gandhi would often have meetings with important political leaders at his home, and Arun though this would be a way to get his grandfather's autograph. He would walk into the meetings, and demand — in front of all these dignitaries — that his grandfather give him his autograph for free. Gandhi would merely put a hand over Arun's mouth, and with his other hand hold Arun's head against his chest and continue the meeting. He never — during the meetings or after — expressed any anger at Arun for the interruptions. Even when the visitors objected to having the boy interrupt the meetings and then Gandhi holding him quiet, Gandhi would simply explain that this was just a joke between he and his grandson and go on with the meeting.

If we can learn to control our anger half as much as Gandhi did, Arun said, it would do much to decrease violence in the world.

(Arun Gandhi said he never did get his grandfather's autograph, by the way.)

The thing we need to ask ourselves about our own actions, Arun said, is "If someone were to do this to me, would it hurt me or help me?"

I would add, that if the answer is it would hurt you (make you angry), then you need to examine why are you doing it, then. (And when I say "you," I'm not meaning any one specific. I mean myself as well. It's just easier to say "you." So if that makes you angry, channel it, dude).

If you say abusive things like someone is stupid, why? Why do you say negative things about how people dress, how they have their hair or if they have tattoos?

If someone's beliefs about religion or politics or social issues are different from yours, do you direct derogatory remarks at them? What does that do for you? Does it make you feel better about yourself? Why? What are your insecurities about yourself that you think tearing other people down will make you superior to them?

At the heart, we are all the same, all part of the same energy of the universe. When you put that kind of negative energy out in the universe, it doesn't come back to just you. It's felt by all. "Passive violence fuels the fire of physical violence."

Next post, maybe some thoughts on controlling your mind to channel that anger.

Back on the juice

Ooh, look, two blog posts in one day!

I haven't juiced for awhile, and after and long and tiring walk with Buster, decided it was a good time to get back into it.

So here's today's offering.

There's one each of a granny smith apple, cucumber, celery stalk and a carrot from a friend's garden; a quarter of a small watermelon also from a friend's garden (seeds removed and saved); a small piece of ginger; and the leaves from a couple stalks of kale.

All that turned into this:


This is what's left:

I've read tips that you can put the pulp through the juicer and get a little more juice out of it, but what I get is just fine. I put this out in my compost bin.

This batch, I can really taste the watermelon, and there really wasn't that much of it, but it was awful juicy, obviously, compared to the other ingredients. Could've used a little more ginger, but it was good.

Brown bag blues? Mason jar solution

I live in a different town than I work in, so running home for lunch — or dinner on weekdays I work both of my jobs — is usually out of the question. I try to take my lunch as much as possible to save money, but it seems like I fall on the same-old standbys for brown bagging it and get bored after awhile. Then that leads to eating out for lunch, which often leads to bad things for my bank account.

What to take lunch in can be a problem, too. I don't like using plastic containers. Being a cancer survivor, I've become pretty concerned about the kinds of things I put into my body. Plastics, especially when heated, can leach carcinogens like Bisphenol A into food. You can argue it's not enough to really do anything, but I'd rather not take the chance.

So I got rid of all my plastic containers with the idea of replacing them with glass. I have some Pyrex containers I got for Christmas that I use, but they are kind of expensive. Then I came across an idea while surfing for some recipes — using mason jars for soup and so forth. It makes sense. They're cheap, for one thing. I got a dozen 8-ounce jars at the grocery store for about $8. The Pyrex is great for storing larger amounts of leftovers or foods that don't freeze well, but the jars have been great for freezing single-serving sizes for lunches.



But I could see where I could get a little bored with the chicken tortilla soup, chili and sloppy joe mix I made big batches of for the jars (even though they're all much better than store-bought or fast food). Then Beau at Somethingedible.com shared this recipe recently, and I gotta say I'm pretty excited at trying some of the rest of her mason jar recipes.

I've got my shopping list made up and will be adding to my inventory of canning jars. I might try the sliders tonight, and will probably do a few others this weekend after Thanksgiving.

Meaningful Coincidence?

I've been reading a lot lately about Veda, the ancient Indian philosophy from which came yoga and Hinduism, so I was pretty excited when I heard last week that Arun Gandhi, grandson of Mahatma K. Gandhi, would be speaking at the local university.

I was afraid I would miss part of his speech, since this is my month on rotation for working the Tuesday "late shift" in my department preparing three area weekly newspapers for the press and sending them to our printer. Sometimes, it means staying at the office til 7:30 or so, and Gandhi was to speak at 7:30. Fortunately, all the work was done by 7, and I got to hear his hour-long speech; I also stayed for the meet & greet afterwards til they wrapped it up about 9:30. Even asked him a question and shook his hand!

I'll probably write more on his speech and my thoughts, but it's getting late and no late shift tomorrow at work, so I need to head to bed. But I thought I'd share some of the things that struck me tonight.

• Anger is not a bad thing. It fuels us into action. Learning to channel that anger into something positive is the key to nonviolence, however.

• Scholars have said Mahatma Gandhi's approach of nonviolence is a tool for conflict resolution. Arun Gandhi said he disagrees — you either accept nonviolence or you don't.

• Passive violence fuels the fire of physical violence. In all our actions, in the things we do and say and think — we should ask ourselves "If someone were to do this to me, would it hurt me or help me?"

• I think this was one of my favorites: Arun Gandhi said his grandfather once told him your mind should be like a room with many open windows. Allow the breezes to blow in, but do not be blown away by any one of them.

BE the Change

“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

This is, near as I can tell from an hour or so of research, the source of the quote often attributed to Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see in the world."

No matter which he really said, Gandhi's point is obvious: If there is something you don't like about the world, in order to change it, you have to start with yourself.

Michael Jackson echoed the thought in "Man in the Mirror." Carl Jung had the same thought, but started with the external: "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

So when something irritates you about the world, take a good look at yourself. If you look at someone who appears different from you — wether it be the way they dress, if they have (or don't have) tattoos or piercings, the color of their skin, how they have their hair, if they follow a certain fashion trend — and your first reaction is to make fun of them or look down on them, you should ask yourself "Why should that bother me?" How someone else creates their appearance does not have any effect on your life. If you laugh at them or trash talk them for it, YOU are the one with the problem.

If you think we have fallen down a slippery slope away from respect and civil discourse in our discussions of politics, religion and social issues, then look at your own behavior. How do you address others? If you continually post things in social media or say things among friends friends just to say "Look how stupid/evil/crazy the Republicans/Democrats/Christians
/Muslims/hipsters/jocks/nerds/whatevergroupIdon'tlike are," then you're not exactly contributing to civil discourse and respect, are you?

The kind of attitudes and energy you put out in the world have an effect on the rest of the world. We are all connected. If you don't like the state of the world, there is something you can do about it. Start with yourself. BE the change. Don't wait to see what others do.

Good stuff

This sounded so good, I dug in before I remembered to take a picture.

It was kind of inspired by this post from a local food blogger. It sounds awesome, but it was getting late and I don't have a lot of ingredients on hand right now. But I did have the the jar of homemade pear-ginger preserves my friend Sally gave me, so I cracked it open finally, warmed it up and smeared it on some simple Bisquick pancakes.

Man, that was good. And I made enough pancakes I can probably have breakfast tomorrow. Or maybe this weekend. There's just enough preserves left for one more dish.

*Edited: Oops. Wasn't peach. 'Twas pear. Shoulda read the label, huh?

RIP Steve Jobs

Sharing my food

My friend Lace shared a weight-loss tip she read recently that is basically to keep a food diary by using your smart phone to take a picture of your meals. The idea is it will keep you more accountable to sticking to healthy eating. Lace is taking it a step further by sharing her pix on her Google+ account (with those who opt in to that circle.) I thought I'd try something similar, but since my phone isn't quite smart enough to post to Google or Facebook, I'll try it here.

So that's tonight's dinner above, leftover rotisserie chicken breast (from last night. I was too tired to make anything), some frozen mixed vegetables and brown rice (which I'll make the leftovers into fried rice another night). Milk to drink. Pretty quick and easy, and not all a bunch of processed junk.

By the way, I probably won't do this every day, and certainly not every meal. Just so you won't worry I'm going to bore you or something.

Some juicy reading

My latest healthy thing:


Green juice. It's better than you might think.

I got turned on to this after reading Kris Carr's "Crazy Sexy Diet." Her "Crazy Sexy Cancer" documentary is pretty inspiring, and the diet book (I would have called "lifestyle" rather than diet, myself) is pretty convincing that all that processed food is a big part in why Americans are so unhealthy today.

So I've been trying to eat better. I wasn't 100% successful at first, because I found out at my cancer checkup in July that I have iron-deficiency anemia.So I upped my intake of foods that are high in iron — leafy greens are great for that. That seems to have worked, because a month later, at a follow-up appointment, my iron levels were up!

I think part of it was the juicing. After a friend sent me her unused juicer, I've been trying to use it at least once a week. I'd like to do it more often, but it's kind of time consuming. Not the juicing itself, mind you, but the prep and cleanup! And still having two jobs, plus trying to make my own foods rather than eating out or just getting processed foods can make time kinda tight. But I'd rather do what I can to not have cancer again, so that's what I do.

Anyway, the above green juice today was made with romaine, kale, strawberries, half an organic cucumber, a banana, a sliver of ginger and a carrot and some chard, both of those right out of my friend Max's garden today. It was pretty good, too. Personally, I think the ginger and cucumber is what makes it really good.

And doing this is convincing me I need to get off my butt and actually have a vegetable garden next year.

Weird night

So imagine you have a colonoscopy in the morning. You have to drink a half a gallon of nasty tasting stuff in a couple of hours and spend the rest of the night with your colon clearing itself out. Then imagine what would be the LAST thing you'd want to do under those conditions.

How about get a bat out of your house?

Yeah, I've had a fun night.

I was just sitting in the living room, waiting for the latest round with the toilet bowl, when Buster suddenly gets up and slinks out to the kitchen like something's scared him. Before I can figure out if there was some thunder or what, I see this shape swooping around the corner from the kitchen. And it wasn't Christian Bale.

Fortunately, it flew into the exercise room, where there's not a lot of places for it to hide. I got the door closed, and called Mom to come help. Mostly I was worried about having an ... interruption in the middle of trying to catch the thing. By the time she got here, it had settled down and was hanging on the air exchange vent near the door. I managed to get a bucket over it, and while I held it there, Mom got a big piece of cardboard from the garage, which I was able to slip between the bucket and the wall, trapping it in the bucket. Then I took it outside and it flew away. And no sudden interruptions from my colon!

I just can't figure out how it got in the house. The dog door? Would a bat be strong enough to get through the door? Maybe it got in while I was going in and out last night while some friends were over for a cookout. But if it got in last night, wouldn't I have noticed it before now, or at least Buster should have been acting weird.

Thanks, Mom for helping out. And Buster got extra cookies for alerting me.

I just hope that's the end of the weirdness for tonight.

Garden pix

We've hit the hot & dry part of Kansas summer, so I decided this morning to put some water on my shade garden in the backyard. And the light was just about perfect for some nice photos of the lillies.

This one is my favorite:


Another angle of the same two. This is the first time in several years they all haven't had just the whitish color to them:


Another favorite:

Impromptu project

I bought a new grill recently, and really want to use it this summer since I have such a nice backyard. So I thought it'd be nice to set up kind of an outdoor kitchen.

Late last year, I, um *salvaged* a tabletop from a broken food court table at the mall. I had no idea what I would do with it, but thought it might come in useful. Last week, I was contemplating putting it out with some trash for our city-wide cleanup, but kept it. Glad I did.

I was cleaning up my dining table to set up and another piece I've got plans for earlier this evening. I looked at my old microwave cart and wondered what I could do with that. It's been just kind of a catch-all to put stuff on in the garage, but I like reusing things so I cleaned it up, too.



The top of it was pretty nasty, however, and not really suitable for the outdoor kitchen idea. And then I remembered the salvaged tabletop.



I turned the cart upside down so I could remove the top and threw that away.





Then I put the old tabletop on it and more or less centered it.


I marked where the screws should go, and predrilled the holes, then put the tabletop back on, lining up the holes, and attached it with the same screws from the cart's original top.

And here's the outdoor kitchen setup. It's got everything but a kitchen sink (I wonder if I can find a wine barrel?) and a fridge. And that table in the foreground of the picture? That's my next project. But you'll have to wait for that.

Life is too short

A co-worker of mine will likely die tonight. He's about 32. He always partied and drank pretty hard, and that may be what did this.

I was on vacation last week, so didn't know much about what was going on, but it seems not a lot of people at work didn't know much either. I saw a Facebook post about it Monday, but didn't find out how serious it was until Tuesday afternoon.

He was sick all last week and went into the hospital Saturday. At some point, by Monday at least, they put him in a coma, as his kidneys were failing. And then every time his sister posted an update on his FB wall, it got worse and worse: His intestines weren't working, his pancreas and liver were both failing. Blood pressure extremely low and blood work all over the place. A surgeon saw him, but he was too unstable to move out of ICU.

This morning, they gave him last rites. But they also opened up his abdomen, right in the ICU because they still couldn't move him, to relieve pressure and clean out his intestines. His sister this afternoon said they hoped it would help his blood flow, but they could see how damaged his pancreas and enlarged his liver was.

Then about an half hour or so ago, I checked his wall, and it was full of farewell messages. I finally found the post from his sister. All his organs are shutting down, and they don't expect him to last the night.

I wouldn't say Matt was a friend of mine, but he could always make me laugh. He was the guy everyone went to when they needed to know something — where something was, how to do something on the computer, whatever. He was the go-to guy at work.

He was raised Catholic, but he was also an ordained minister off the Internet and performed marriages and even funerals. For a biker wedding he performed on Halloween, he dressed as Charlie Manson. Another Halloween, he was Jesus. He wrote and played music.

He's a great guy. I hope the doctors are wrong and he holds on.

ETA: Update from his sister at about 9:30 is that he is "fighting like hell"! Hoping it's the start of good news.

I helped save hawks today

This story actually starts yesterday.

I was walking Buster on our usual route, across the creek near my house, then following the dirt road as it goes around south, maybe a quarter mile or so, then back west over the creek again and back into town and then home.

We got to the bridge south of my house, and Buster was looking at something near the end of the bridge. He jumped back as a hawk flew out of the trees there and down the creek. I looked at where it came from and saw another hawk on the ground, maybe about 20 feet from the bridge. I thought maybe it was trying to protect its food or possibly had a broken wing. I was a little concerned, but after I got home, got busy and then had to go to work, so kind of forgot about it.

So today, we're walking by there again, and when I looked, there was a hawk, in the same spot, kind of flapping around.

I brought my camera with me today, and I thought I'd try to get closer — although not too close, in case the hawk wasn't really hurt or anything. I didn't want to wind up with those talons or beak in my face!

Here's what I saw:




It looked like it was caught in a trap.

And then I saw another one:


I'd also brought my cell phone, so I called a co-worker, Steve, who's an outdoorsman and works with the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks a lot. He said he'd call the game warden, and called back a while later to let me know someone was on his way.

When Buster and I got back to the house, Steve drove up and I went with him to show him exactly where the hawks were. Being a trapper himself, he was a disappointed to see it. He talked to the game warden on the phone, telling what he saw and where we were, and dropped me back at home.

He called a bit later to let me know the one closest to the road didn't even have any wounds on its leg, so they released it and it flew away. The second one had some scrapes on its skin, so to be safe, the game warden was going to hold on to it for a couple days and make sure it didn't need any rehab, but it did otherwise look OK.

So all in all, this was a pretty good day.

Giving it up

I didn't really plan on making any new year's resolutions, since I never end up keeping them, but I guess in a way I have made one. That's to quit eating so much crap.

First step: giving up pop. Well, not entirely. But I'd like to quit being so dependent on the Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, etc. So I'm going to try and go through January without any. My main concern with those soft drinks, really is the high fructose corn syrup. Don't let the HFCS people fool you. There are plenty of reasons to avoid that stuff.

So far, I've done pretty well. I've had one 8-ounce can of Dr. Pepper (the last one I had in the fridge; hate to waste stuff, after all) and maybe about 5 ounces from a 20-ounce Pepsi bottle I bought earlier this week when I got lunch at the grocery store salad bar. And that's it.

As far as substitutes, I've been drinking more juice — orange juice and V8 Splash, specifically — and a friend convinced me to try Sierra Mist Natural. It's not too bad, and actually tastes better than the original. On a trip to the grocery store this week, I also realized that the sodas from Mexico (like Jarritos and Sangria Señorial don't have HFCS (and a lot fewer ingredients anyway).

I really haven't had any caffeine withdrawal effects, either. I had a slight headache when I woke up one morning this week, but that's about it. I won't cut Pepsi and such out completely, but I figure if I can go a month without it, that should break the mental part of it, and I can treat myself once in awhile — dinner out or something like that. But getting away from the "gotta have a little every day" mentality will be a big step to getting even healthier.

Out with the old

Good riddance to 2010. Really. I had had some high hopes for what kind of year 2010 would be. It didn't take much for it to turn sour. Or maybe I just remember the bad more than the good. So I thought I'd try to weigh it out.

Bad ... Thought I'd made a good friend; turned out to be a jerk.
Good ... Met the best friend I've had as an adult and made other good friends.

Good ... Went to the dentist for the first time in more years than I'd rather say.
Bad ... Went to dentist, had tons of cavities, paid about $1,000 out of pocket. $5,000+ car repair early in the year, with the car out of commission for 2+ weeks; $300+ furnace repair bill with furnace out of commission for a few weeks early in the winter. Money got real tight.

Good ... Lost almost 10 pounds.
Bad ... Gained it back at the end of the year.

Bad ... one of my doctors was diagnosed with Alzheimers. A good friend was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive form of breast cancer. My dad started out the year with some serious health problems.
Good: My friend found treatment for her cancer that's better than what her initial prognosis was. She's fighting like a girl. Dad is doing much better.

Good ... Buster started snuggling; main job feels more stable; went to social media conference for work; five years of survivorship; entertainment blog gained lots more readers; built a compost bin; cleaned out my garage; fixed my kitchen sink myself; saw Second City live with a good friend.

So OK, maybe there was more good than bad, but the bad was pretty bad (and there's some things I haven't mentioned because they're more personal than I'd like to share here). And some still have some repercussions rippling into 2011. A year ago, I had a lot of enthusiasm for what I'd hoped would be a great year. This year, I'm more reserved. Hopeful, but reserved.