Be careful what you ask for

I said about a year ago I needed some change in my life, but this isn't quite what I had in mind.

The word came today from Dr. K -- it is as she suspected. The lump in my left breast is cancerous, but the lymph node under the arm is OK. That's some good news at least. I will still have some tests a week from tomorrow to make sure it hasn't spread, but it was a relief to get that news this afternoon.

Ironically, I have felt better this week than I have in months. Lately, I have just been really negative toward a lot things. I hated my job, was mad I bought a house so that it would be more difficult to find a job elsewhere, hated that my mother living with me also kind of tied me down, hated that I can't lose weight, blah blah blah.

I'm sure part of that was concern about the lump. I found it on Mother's Day, and I kind of put off going to the doctor about it. I kept thinking it was nothing, it would go away, etc., knowing full well that was not the way to approach this. Then I kept thinking about Michelle, a high school classmate. She had been having a pain in her back and kept going to a chiropractor. When she finally went to a physician, she found out it was cancer, but by then it was really too late to do anything. She died just before our 10th class reunion. She was the sixth person from our class to die. I didn't want to be the next one people sadly shook their heads about.

And I'm not going to be. I'll be at the 25th reunion, the 50th, whatever. Well, I'll be around when they roll around, I don't know I'll bother going back for them.