On turning 40

Today I turned 40. Five years ago, I would have said I dreaded that thought. But then, three and a half years ago, something happened. I found a lump in my left breast. It was cancer.

There are cancer survivors who say getting cancer was a blessing. Not to belittle anyone's beliefs, but I think they're crazy. It was hell. And not just for me. My family, my friends, my co-workers all also carried a part of what I went through.

But I got through it. Hell, I kicked its ass.

This year, I've come to realize just how lucky I really was. Lucky I found it when I did, because I never did regular self-exams and didn't think I'd need to go for a mammogram for a few more years. Lucky I'm in a place with a great cancer center and doctors. And lucky I have so many great people around me. It is in, in part, because of them I am here, celebrating 40 years.

So to my family and friends, thank you. Even if you couldn't be here while I was going through my treatment, I felt your support and good thoughts and prayers. And your e-mails and cards got me through some tough days. And to my co-workers who stepped up when I couldn't quite keep up the normal work load or just gave me an ear or even a shoulder to cry on.

And of course, to Nipper, my buddy, who didn't understand what was going on, but was always ready to curl up with me and comfort me.

This year, I have felt better than I have in years -- even before the cancer. The fatigue is gone, the chemo brain is gone. And it's not just a physical difference. It just feels like there are a whole lot of possibilities out there within my reach and all I need to do is grab them. And I will.

Cancer was not a blessing. But it did open my eyes to a lot of things over the last few years. One of those is that there are a lot of great people in my life, and that no matter what I might face in the years ahead, they'll be there to support me. I hope I can be as much to them as they have been to me.

Thanks, all. Here's to the next 40!

Long live journalism?

The Detroit Media Partnership, which publishes the Detroit Free Press and the Detroit News, announced big changes are coming in how it publishes. Next spring, the newspapers will deliver print editions to homes only on Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays, their biggest advertising days. They will still print daily, but the remaining days of the week, the size of the print edition will be drastically reduced and will only be available at newsstands. The papers will push online delivery of the news over print.

I can't say that I'm shocked to see this coming, but it makes me pretty sad. However, I think it could well be the most workable business model for newspapers to come along. It certainly makes more sense than cutting your staffs to nothing and cutting budgets so that the reporters and photographers who remain can barely leave the building to cover the news.

Fact is, this writing has been on the wall for a long time; newspapers just refused to believe it. Or maybe averted their eyes. Yes, there is still an audience for print — and I think to some extent there always will be — but it is literally dying. I think that those who are in the early 20s and teens now are likely going to be the last generation to see print newspapers have much of a role in society. There will always be those small-town or neighborhood weeklies and specialty publications, I think, but the bigger papers (even ones like the small daily I work for) have to face that in order to survive, they've got to emphasize online. Home delivery of a print newspaper will, for them, become something "extra," an offering to those who can afford the luxury of sitting at home in their pjs reading the paper while the rest of us rush around with a job or two, or kids to rush to school, or whatever we do to get by while we hear the news on radio or browse on PDAs or cell phones or whatever we'll have in the future.

Our product has never been a piece of paper. It has been delivery of information, wether it be in advertising, articles or opinion. That can be done in many different media. Few papers took broadcasting seriously as competition, fewer still looked at the Internet that way. A very few did, and even embraced that competition. What the Freep is doing is quite likely the next step we have to take to keep delivering our true product.

Lights!

I've got the outdoor Christmas lights on finally. I put them up a week ago, I think, and just now got around to getting them plugged in. Because you know, you have to do it strategically ... what gets plugged into what outlet and so on. I didn't put up as much as I have in the past. I have enough lights to line the front of the roof and around the porch, but the lights I got a few years back, which I really REALLY loved, they, of course, do not make any more. So replacing them is the pits. And it's a lot of work to put them up.

But last year, on the after Christmas sale, I got some blue net lights for the shrubs next to the porch and a couple red rope lights. I debated about winding them up the porch poles, but hated to think about how to plug everything in. So I wound them around the split-rail fence next to the driveway, and I think it looks OK. I put up the cheap, plastic red ribbons on the fence posts. I have plenty of those so if the weather trashes them, I can replace them pretty easy. I might buy more of the rope lights after Christmas again this year and eventually wind it all the way down the fence ... which is actually quite a ways.

I might get to the tree later tonight. It's just a fake tree, and we'd always kept the lights on it when we put it away so every year we just had to straighten it out and put the decorations on it. But I also need to do some housecleaning and some laundry, so we'll see. Plus, I had a pretty busy day, so it'd be nice to just crash for a bit, too.

Talking to the future

Today I talked with a beginning newswriting class at the local university. It's taught by a professor I had when I was there, although I had that class before she started there. She has her class submit stories to the newspaper I work for as part of their assignments and I had edited some of their stories for us to use, so I offered to give them some feedback. I was able to take about an hour to talk to them -- all four of them.

A couple of the students were late, and so was the prof, so I chatted with one of the students while we waited. And when I did start talking to the class, I gave them he basic rundown of my job and offered some feedback to a couple of the students' stories, explaining why we made the kinds of changes we did.

They had some good questions, too, asking about the paper, the kinds of things I thought they should be learning considering the kinds of changes going on journalism, etc. It was kinda fun, really, and it's nice to know there are some younger people still interested in what makes journalism good and not just getting their name and their friends' names in the paper.

You were looking for what?

It always amuses me to check out my blog stats. Yes, I have a counter, and I like checking out how people find my blog. A lot are from friends and family, since I used it to keep people updated on how I was doing during my cancer treatment. But I also get a lot of hits from people who must just be ... weird.

It seems like the current most popular search terms people hit on my site with have to do with this entry, about finding out how I could easily finish my bachelor's degree after 21 years by taking two classes. People are seriously searching for "how to get a bachelor's degree in ..." two days, a week, a month, six months, you name it.

Then there's the recent hit on "how to buy a giant pink Serta sheep." You gotta earn one of those, pal. Buy a mattress in October and you'll get a small one.

I've recently seen searches for "Christina Applegate nude naked porn" lately. Get a life and get out of your parents' basement, OK?

Occasionally, I get hits from people searching for something about Mark Harmon's hairy chest. Only thing I can think of is that this entry about TV and this one — both from the same month — are drawing them in. I'm sure people have been quite disappointed it was my own hairy chest I was talking about.

There is a more serious side. This one, where I talk about the side effects of Novelbine, one of the chemo drugs I had, gets a lot of hits. That was a nasty time, and I'm glad it didn't have to last long. Hope that what I wrote in there might help someone else with their treatment.

Long overdue update

Can't believe it's been almost a month and a half since I posted. There's been lots going on, really.

Being a journalist, I guess I'll start with the biggest news. Mom has moved out of the house. It had been frustrating lately, probably for both of us, and after she returned from her last trip, she moved into the house she bought for my dad to live in when I was starting my cancer treatment. I guess they figured since they didn't kill each other on that trip, they'd be OK. And I'm getting along OK, finding a groove to get into to keep things running smoothly. I hate leaving Buster alone so much, but Mom still goes over to do her laundry and such, so he gets some playtime with her.

The other big news would be that I finally found a second part-time job. It's at the local mall, on the mall maintenance staff. It's a pretty easy job, mainly because it's not that big of a mall. Although we'll see what I think after working by myself tonight, "Black Friday." The Penney's store is staying open until 11 p.m.!

What else? Oh, yeah, I was a model in the Day of Caring back in October:

I don't get all made up ... uh, ever, so this is a rare sight. I ended up buying the outfit, except for the boots, which cost almost as much as the rest of it put together. And in the goodie bag I got for modeling was a little stuffed Serta sheep. Buster stole it out of the bag and made it his. I had to cut the eyeballs off so he wouldn't and choke on them.

That's about it for now. I'll do more later, but I've got to head to work soon, and while writing this I'm also chatting with a friend. Talk about multitasking!

Rain, rain, go away

We've had more than four inches of rain since Saturday. For this area, that's a lot. I mean a LOT. I came home to discover the roof had been leaking in the kitchen. Not too much, but it was still a mess to clean up. It's been dripping off and on all evening.

Poor Buster didn't get his walk today, and he probably didn't go out much during the day since it just POURED much of the day. We roughhoused on the floor for awhile, and played with his favorite squeaky toy, a turkey. It's actually the only toy of his I can find anymore. He's sort of buried it in the back yard a few times over the last couple weeks, and I have no idea where his other squeaky toy, a shoe, is. Probably in the same place where his Kong is. We haven't seen that since shortly after he got it at Christmas.

Buster's not a snuggly dog like Nipper was, but he has his times when he wants to be close. I'm learning to "read" when he wants that. He'll kind of bug me if I'm lying on my couch, but he's not interested in playing. So when I scoot over and pat the couch, he'll hop up next to me and curl up for a nap. He doesn't put his head on my lap or anything, but once he's up there, he relaxes. He still sleeps out in the living room when it's time to go to bed, though.

Other than the rain, there's not a heck of a lot going on. So here's hoping we dry out the rest of the week.

Busterversary

Today marked one year since Buster came home. We had a pretty good day. In the morning I finished up some yardwork that I started last night but had to quit since it's getting dark earlier. I wanted to get that out of the way, because a friend of mine -- the one whose wedding I went to a couple weeks ago -- was in town and came over for awhile, and plus I wanted the afternoon to do something special with Buster.

So Karen and I had a good time visiting and catching up, and Buster was a pretty good boy. He got a bit overexcited a few times and nipped at her -- playfully, but I still don't like when he does that. But overall he behaved. Then in the afternoon, I took Buster into town and we spent about an hour walking through the big park. I think he had fun, even though it was pretty cool and kind of rainy. He's sure tired out tonight, so we're just hanging out at home with the TV, some popcorn and brownies.

Some busy weekends are coming up, though. Next Saturday is the Day of Caring, a brunch and fashion show for breast cancer awareness. All the models are breast cancer survivors. And yes, this year I'll be modeling. I was a bit nervous because the store they picked for me is a western wear store, and I am NOT into the cowgirl thing. But I did find some cool stuff, and I hope to have some pix to post here afterwards.

The weekend after that is a copy editing conference in Wichita -- yes, back to Wichita. I've been there more in the last year than I have in my whole life. But I'm looking forward to it. It'll be nice to be around people who actually think copy editing is still important to newspapers.

Lookee what the mailman brung ...

OK, you'll have to wait to look, since I don't have a digital camera with me, but when I got home today, there was a big express mail envelope in the mailbox, with a return address from the local university. And when I opened it up, inside was ... my Bachelor of General Studies diploma! And a tassel! They even spelled my name right!

It's a little more awesome than I woulda thunk.

Good weekend

Buster and I are both back home after our weekend. Buster had a good report from his vet's visit, except for his weight. He's about 15 pounds over what he should be, the vet said. She said I could cut down on the amount of food I give him, so he's gradually going on smaller rations today. And maybe we'll go for a bit longer walk every day. Buster seems to be happy to be home. I'm glad he's home, too.

My weekend was pretty good. I survived driving through Wichita traffic -- not a bad feat for a small-town girl. Although we did get to know the Oliver loop to Kellogg pretty well. Seems we kept taking the wrong turn onto Kellogg, but with all that construction going on, it was hard navigate. We got lost only once, on the way to the reception, and were about an hour late, but there was still plenty of food. And we weren't the only ones who had a hard time finding the place downtown. But it was worth it to be able to see Karen & Eric get to celebrate and how happy they were.

And Vanessa Peters was great Friday night. Not too many of the people there were there specifically to see her -- and it was Oktoberfest -- so the crowd was a bit rowdy. A fight even broke out at one point, but overall it was enjoyable. I got to talk to her and her guitarist, Manuel, before the show and during a break, and during another break she sat and talked with a group of college kids (mostly Chinese students) who seemed to be there more for the music than the booze, which was cool. She's got some albums available on iTunes, if you're interested.

Back to work tomorrow. Hopefully, it won't be as tough a week as the last one.

Dogless

That's what I am until Sunday evening. I'm heading to Wichita tomorrow morning with a co-worker for a friend's wedding, and we're staying overnight Saturday, so Buster is staying in a "cabin" at his vet's for the weekend. I can go pick him up Sunday evening, so depending on what time we get back, Sunday will be a quiet day.

Tonight, I'll have something to distract me for awhile. I'm heading into town to see Vanessa Peters and one of her bandmates perform at the local brewpub. I've been bored with commercial radio, and got tired of hearing the same old stuff on my iPod, so I started searching for different music. I checked out the Web sites of the local venues one day, and found she was coming here, listened to stuff on her MySpace page, and kinda got hooked. And then I thought it might be fun to write about some of the music going on around here and pitched the idea to my boss. He was less than enthusiastic about it, but I went ahead and did an article on Peters anyway for our arts page this week. I'd like to do more, especially on the local acts. We'll see how it works out time-wise with all the other crap that gets heaped on me at work now. I'm kind of hoping to maybe branch out into some freelance writing with some of this, too.

On my way to the show, I need to drop off Hope, my support group's giant pink Serta sheep mascot, at the home of one of the members so she can ride on the Homecoming parade float tomorrow. I'm kind of sorry I'll be missing that, because it's always a great experience. I've done it twice now, and each time, got a little choked up when people stand and applaud us as we go by. All we did was survive. It was all the scientists, doctors, nurses and caretakers who made that possible. They're really the ones who deserve the applause. So if you're involved at all in cancer research, oncologoy or are helping a loved one through treatment, know that applause is really for YOU.

Best. Compliment. Ever

I was sitting at my desk this morning, when Joe, one of our ad sales people who's around my age, passed by. Pointing at his thinning hair, he said to me "If I had hair, that's exactly what I'd want it to look like."

Awesome.

More on Christina Applegate

Christina Applegate, who was diagnosed recently with breast cancer after an MRI, talked more about her diagnosis and treatment yesterday on Good Morning America (you can watch the whole interview with another BC survivor, Robin Roberts here)

She opted to have both breasts removed -- no doubt a difficult decision, especially considering Hollywood's fixation on how people look -- after testing positive for the BRCA1 gene. Fortunately, I tested negative for mutation on both the BRCA1 and BRCA 2 genes, but when my oncologist first discussed the testing with me, she said if I tested positive, she would likely recommend removal of the breasts as well as my uterus and ovaries as prevention against any more cancer. So, a tough decision, but what do you do when it's your life you're talking about?

I really applaud her desire to help other women pay for MRIs and the genetic testing. The MRI is recommended for women at high risk, but not all insurance companies cover it yet. And the gene testing costs about $3,000. A co-worker of mine who's in her 20 or 30s has a big family history of BC, and while the insurance company will pay for her annual mammograms, they won't pay for the gene test unless she or one of her sisters is diagnosed with cancer. That's just nuts.

And big applause to Applegate for going on TV and talking about her cancer, only three weeks after her surgery. At times, she appeared pretty emotional, and I'm sure she's still trying to sort things out in her own head. Having to do that on national TV couldn't have made it any easier. She's a good representative for what many women with breast cancer have had to face.

All clear

The scoping went well. There's a just some diverticulitis, but no polyps, no tumors, no nothing. He didn't even take any samples. So whoo-hoo!

And it wasn't all that bad. I was out within a few minutes of the IV starting and don't remember a thing until I woke up in the recovery area. I did get to see the few pictures he took. The nurse in the recovery room was pretty funny, too. During the colonoscopy, the doc fills you up with air, so you have to pass that before they let you go. So as I let one rip, the nurse said "Good! That's what we like to hear .... nurses are kind of gross."

After Mom and I left the surgical center, we got a big lunch and got home around 1 p.m. I slept until nearly 5 p.m. I'm still kind of groggy and just hanging out on the couch with the laptop, much to Buster's disappointment. Poor guy didn't get his walk this morning, and all I've done while here has been to sleep. Maybe later this evening I'll feel up to playing with him and take him for a walk if it's not too warm. Until then, I'm not going far from the couch.

So hungry

So tomorrow is the colonoscopy. That means tonight, no food, other than Jell-O. And nothing red or purple, because that can apparantly cause some discoleration in your innerds. I was allowed to eat a light breakfast, but nothing but liquids and Jell-O after that. I did OK, really, until this afternoon, when I had to put together the food page for the paper. And then a co-worker came in and starting munching on the Chees-its she keeps in her desk and another came in with Chinese take-out.

Now I'm just sitting here on the couch waiting for the colon cleanser to start working. It's not going to be a fun evening. Maybe by the time the doc lets me go tomorrow, I'll feel good enough for a big BIG lunch somewhere.

Oops. I think the stuff is starting to work. It's about time for the first of many trips to the bathroom.

Hmmm, what's been happening?

Gee not much lately. Except ... I GOT MY PORT OUT!

It was last Tuesday. I guess I've been too psyched about it to write about it here, but the port-a-cath is now gone, just shy of three years to the day I got it put in. It's a pretty awesome feeling. I think it's the first time I looked forward to going to the hospital.

It was done with just a local anaesthetic in the afternoon, but you know, my boss didn't need to know that, so I took the whole day off! And that was after having Monday off for working Saturday, so I had a bit of a mini-vacation.

Anyway, there is a bit of a scar, but that will fade with time, just like the first one did. It hurt for only a day or so, and I feel a pull once in a while, but it's getting better. It just feels great to have it gone. It is, as one of my support group members said last night about getting hers out, like a graduation. I graduated from cancer!

On the bitter side of things, though, the second job is gone, thanks to the Legislature not providing the money for social services that everyone was counting on. The hotline has been automated, and the three of us working it got laid off. There's been some other people who got laid off too, from what I understand, and they've had to make a lot of other budget cuts. It's pretty sad, really, because the organization does a lot of good for people who need some help.

Anyway, that's the big news. Later.

Christina Applegate

She's been diagnosed with breast cancer. She's 36, the same age I was when I was diagnosed. Her mother is a two-time BC survivor, so it seems Applegate's been taking the advised precautions of mammograms and sonograms for early detection. And that says a lot — doesn't matter if you've got a family history or not, women should be doing whatever they can. I didn't, and it really scares me to think what might have happened if I hadn't accidentally felt that lump when I did.

So, no matter your age, do a self-exam monthly. If you're between 35 and 40, get a mammogram — this can be used as a baseline to compare your future mammograms to, which you should have every year once you're 40. If you're at high risk, talk to your doctor about also getting sonograms or an MRI, too.

I had it pretty "easy" with my treatment, in part because it was found fairly early. But I've seen what this disease can do, and it doesn't care how old you are, if you have children, if you're married or not, or what you've accomplished — or could yet do — with your life. Since I joined my support group, we've lost 4 members to cancer, and another is fighting for her life. So don't screw around with your chances.

I love it

Before:

And after:

Randy Pausch

Randy Pausch, a terminally ill professor whose earnest farewell lecture at Carnegie Mellon University became an Internet phenomenon and bestselling book that turned him into a symbol for living and dying well, died Friday. He was 47

Roadshow pic

Finally, here's our pic from the Antiques Roadshow (I think they caught me before I was really ready):