Not any more special

Thinking this morning about a friend. In 2003, on my drive to work as I neared the bluff overlooking Yocemento, a little collection of homes and a grain elevator about halfway between Ellis and Hays, I saw a big buck silhouetted at the top. I thought that was a pretty cool thing to see on my birthday.

I got to work a few minutes later and sat at my computer getting started on my day. Just a short time later, though, our photo editor took a call that was not good news. One of our former photographers had died in an accident near his hometown, discovered right about the time I was passing Yocemento.

I felt like the world dropped out from under me. I wouldn't say Mark and I were buddies, but we worked together and he always made me laugh. He was often bringing me gifts — a big Snoopy mug with candy at Valentine's Day, breakfast burritos from McDonald's — as a thank-you, he said, for reading over his photo cutlines before he submitted his photos for the paper. I appreciated the gestures, but I thought it was funny he would do that, since it was just part of my job.

But when a group of us from work went to his hometown for a viewing and to visit with his family a few days later, I learned that Mark had had a learning disability. His parents were told he probably wouldn't graduate high school because of it. He not only graduated, he went on to get both an associate's and a bachelor's degree and work in journalism.

I like to think the buck was actually Mark's spirit, if only for that moment, saying goodbye and maybe happy birthday. I miss him and wish I'd gotten to know him better.

People treat me as if I'm something special for surviving cancer. But I think Mark was a pretty special person, and he doesn't get to celebrate birthdays anymore. His loved ones and friends don't get to hear his laugh or hear his voice or tell him about their day. And it's the same for a handful of wonderful women I got to know through my breast cancer support group, for a good number of my high school classmates and for co-workers Matt and Martin. I think about them all very often and sometimes wonder why I am here and they are not.

I am lucky that I am still here to celebrate another birthday. But it is, really, another day that is no more special than the rest, and I am no more special than anyone else.

Looking for ideas

So I tried making these mason jar corndogs. They're actually pretty good — convenient for lunches, takes only about a minute and a half in the microwave to heat up, slides right out of the jar just fine.

The only problem I have with them is the cornbread-to-hotdog ratio is out of proportion! Way too much corn for the dog, in other words. So I need something more narrow than the 8-oz mason jars I used to make them in. Doesn't have to be taller, just narrower so there's not so much cornbread around the dog. Needs to be able to go from oven to freezer to microwave. Dishwasher safe a plus but not required.

If you have any ideas, leave them in the comments. Links would be appreciated!