Nervous night

Always nice to end the night on a nerve-wracking note. Not.

We'd been watching the Jesse Stone movie on the local CBS station to keep tabs on the severe weather. Mostly it was out west of us, but progressing our way. And around 9:30 or so, off go the sirens. Now of course the big joke is that when the sirens go off, good Kansans head out to go watch. Well, memories of Greensburg are still a bit too fresh, so we headed to my closet -- with no basement it's probably the closest thing we have to a shelter.

We grabbed some important things and went to the closet with the portable radio and hung out there for awhile listening to the heavy rain and then came the BONK ... BONK ... THUD of very large hail -- up to tennis ball sized, according to the news reports. I believe it, because when we did take a look outside several minutes later, there were still some large hail stones in the yard. Things seemed like they were quieting down when the rain picked up and more hail starting coming down ... and then the sirens went off again. I wouldn't be surprised if they did that in an attempt to keep people at home instead of driving around gawking.

Doesn't seem to be much damage, but I'll go take a peek at the roof when it's light in the morning and see if I can tell if there's any damage. Not that I'm a expert or anything, but the roof has been through one big hail storm since I bought the place, so maybe another will mean a new roof is in order.

Anyway, it's quiet now, and I'm pooped, so it's off to bed.

Puppy picture

First snow
Originally uploaded by junogle.

This is one of my first photos of Nipper. Sorry for the resolution, but I had to get this off my Web site. I hope to find the original print. He's about six months old here, and it was his first snow. Note the bit of snow on the end of his nose -- even up to last year, he would wind up looking like that from sticking his nose in the ground and snorting around for whatever he could underneath!

One week

It was a week ago as I write this that Mom, Dad and I were taking Nipper to the vet for the last time. It's been an up and down type of day for Mom and I. Little things have sent us into tears, but we've also shared some good and funny memories of him today. I found some more pictures and am uploading them to flickr now. Mom has some on her computer that I want copies of, and I'm sure I've got some she doesn't have either. I'd just like to get them all together for now and save backup copies on disk.

I have gotten four sympathy cards this last week. Who would have thought that? One was an e-card from a friend; one from a co-worker and her daughter, who recently lost a dog as well; one was from the vet's office, signed by the staff and included a little pin of an angel dog; and one was from some friends who lost their dog last year (she called me at work, too, after getting my e-mail about Nipper. That was sweet). The last two came in the mail yesterday, so when I got home from work, I ended up having a good cry (again).

Haven't done anything yet with Nipper's ashes. I haven't put away any of his things, either. Mom's last week at work before going into (semi) retirement is this week, so maybe after that's over and she doesn't have to sleep during the day, we'll have a little "memorial service" and do something. Maybe we can grill some hamburgers, and toss out the bites of burger and chips we would have given him along with his ashes. Something for the road. I'm kidding, or course. Sort of.

He's home

I brought Nipper home one last time today. Or rather, his ashes. The vet's office provided a nice litter silver urn for him. There's not as much as I thought there would be, but I guess I didn't really know what to expect. And yes, I looked inside. It's morbid, I know, but I also wanted to know how concerned I had to be about what would happen if I had to stop the car suddenly (the cremains were in a bag inside if you must know).

I'm not exactly sure what I want to do with him yet. Right now, the urn is sitting on top of the TV cabinet. Probably most of the ashes will be spread here at home, along the creek, where he liked to spend so much time. Maybe I'll spread a little bit in some of the other places he liked to go -- in the park a few blocks from a home, and maybe at the small campground/lake here in town. Maybe I'll keep some. I'm not sure. I could always have a diamond made from him. That seems kind of weird, though.

I do know I will get another dog, maybe two, I just don't know when. I have to be able to separate missing having a dog from missing Nipper, if that makes any sense. It just wouldn't be fair to get another dog right now, because that dog (or dogs or cat or whatever) will never be NIpper, and that's what I wish I had. But the day will come when I'll want another animal around. Ever since buying this house, which is in a town about 15 miles from where I work, I thought it would have been nice to have another dog so Nipper wouldn't be so lonely during the day, espcecially when Mom wasn't around. But Nipper didn't like too many other dogs, and never would have liked another dog on his "turf." But maybe next time, I will think about a couple of dogs. It's just too soon right now to really think about it.

It's getting better

I did OK at work today, at least until a co-worker, just before I left for lunch, handed me an envelope addressed to both me and mom. I told her I'd open it in the car, and good thing I did, because it opened some waterworks. Her daughter picked it out, she said. They lost a dog themselves not too long ago, one not very old even, so they know how I feel.

The hardest is being at home. Nipper was so much a part of what we did around here. Get up in the morning, let him out, let him in, share part of breakfast. When I got home from work, I took him for a walk. Now, I don't really know what to do with myself in the evenings. I picked up a couple of books at the library, but I don't feel like reading. I did make myself get on the exercise bike for about 10 minutes. I need some exercise, after all. I suppose I should go for a walk on our usual routes at some point -- there are several people we saw on a fairly regular basis who would want to know Nipper is no longer with us. Like the "cheese lady" who, when she saw us walking by would go inside her house and come back out with a slice of cheese for Nipper. If she wasn't outside, he would slow down as we walked by and stop to sniff whatever he could, occasionally glancing at her door. Then there's the boy who, at first, seemed kind of lonely, and liked to pet Nipper, and we would talk occasionally. He has more friends now, but would always stop to pet Nipper.

And of course, there's the pizza guy. Probably won't feel like ordering pizza for awhile, though. He would wave at us if he saw us out walking.

Reflecting on this makes me realize Nipper wasn't just "my" dog. He shared at least a little bit of himself with people who loved me or just knew me, even remotely. That's quite a dog.

New photoset

Christmas 05
Originally uploaded by junogle.

I posted a set of photos of Nipper at my flickr site. They're some of my favorites. I'm sure I'll add more as I find them.

Difficult day

Today was hard to get through. I didn't sleep well, and woke up about half an hour before my alarm went off. Normally if I did that, as soon as I stirred, a tail would be thumping on the bed nearby, and when the alarm would go off, he would usually get up and come lick my face until I'd get up. Or sometimes, Nipper would wag his tail a couple times, then take a long stretch and snuggle closer to me -- or maybe he was trying to get more room on the bed!

I had a hard time telling people at work -- there were a couple I told, and others noticed something wrong. At first, I could barely choke out the words, but talking about him helped. So did the two pictures of him I have taped to my computer. At first I would tear up when I looked at them, but it got easier because those pictures helped me remember better times.



But then it was hard when I was on the way home and knew he wouldn't be there to greet me. And I broke down when I told mom it was hard not seeing him lying on the porch, watching for me. She said she swore she felt him lying on the bed next to her at one point today.

And now here I am on the computer instead of trying to put a collar and leash on a dancing, barking dog. Looks like I'll have to look to myself for some motivaiton to get moving. One thing about a dog, you can't NOT get some exercise with one around.

The days will get better, one by one, I guess. One day down.

Nipper, July 1994-May 13, 2007

My best friend is gone. He died this afternoon, while Mom and I were out running errends. He had seemd ... normal yesterday almost, chasing the rabbit that comes in the yard and doing his little happy dance and barking when it was time for our walk. This morning he was OK, but he seemed to be taking things a little slow.

We took him to the vet's and she did an autopsy. We hadn't been home very long when she called with the report. He'd had a large tumor on his liver, and there were smaller tumors inside the liver. The large one had ruptured, filling his stomach area with blood. She said it happened very quickly and would have been painless. I had noticed lately, I can't say exactly when, then when he lay on his side, his side seemed to have a bit of a bulge. But I know I shouldn't blame myself. He seemed healthy ever since about a year and a half ago, when he first showed signs of liver problems. He had been in for two yearly checkups since then, and the vet never suspected anything either. I can't blame her. He seemed healthy, and she would really have no reason to suspect. She said that even if she had opened him up on Friday when I took him, there woldn't have been anything she could have done.

Nipper will be cremated, and I'll pick up his ashes later in the week. I'm not sure what I'll do with them. Probably, eventually, I'll spread them here, along the creek he loved to explore. When I first got him, and we lived in small apartments, I always told him one day I'd have a house with a big yard that he could enjoy. I'm glad I was able to do that.

You'll probably have to excuse me over the next several days, as my posting will probably be all about him -- stories I've probably told before and photos you've seen, but he was my best friend for almost 13 years, and it will take some time to adjust to life without him.

Good news!

A few weeks ago, I had some blood drawn to have some tests done to see if I have a genetic mutation that contributes to breast cancer. I just got the results in the mail, and there were no mutations detected!

Having the mutated genes could more likely mean I'd have a reoccurance, so it's a relief to know that likelihood is greatly decreased. Plus, when my doctor discussed with me about having the test, she said if it were positive for mutations, it would affect any future treatment, including preventive measures like having a hysterctomy. So good news on several levels!

Nipper

I had to take Nipper to the vet this morning. Last night he threw up several times, even though he hadn't eaten for almost a day. It took him awhile to act like he was feeling better, too. So I talked to my vet last night and she said to bring him in for some tests.

I dropped him off before I went to work, and then worried all morning, especially when she didn't call. I was hoping that no news was good news, but I was also concerned that she had something she didn't want to tell me over the phone and was waiting until I came by to pick him up.

It was good and bad news. She had gotten him to eat a can of dogfood and keep it down, so that's good. The blood test, however showed his liver enzymes were way up. She did a sonogram of his belly (poor guy has a shaved tummy now) and said there is a small abscess on his liver. She couldn't feel it, though, so it's very small and she said it doesn't move around much. But this is similar to the problem he had a year and a half ago, so she said it's something that is obviously progressing.

So next week she wants to take a closer look. Lilke actually opening him up and looking at it herself. I trust her, though, and I'm sure that even with his age (13), he'll do OK. She'll likely do a biopsy then, but since it's small, I'm hoping for the best. She told me of a cocker spaniel patient of hers who has had a liver abscess for three years, and does quite well except for an occasional episode.

So it's good in that it's not likely something that's life-threatening. But on the other hand, he may not be the same spunky pal I've had for years. I've kind of been trying to prepare myself for this the last couple years as he's gotten older and dealt with arthritis that slowed down a bit, but I imagine the weekend might find me shdding a few tears ... and getting them licked away by my long-time pal.

Shoulda got some film

I had planned to over the weekend, but forgot, and so of course there was a reason to get a picture just a bit ago. I had just sat down to eat my dinner at the computer and looked out the window to see a male wood duck perched on my pole-mounted birdfeeder. I've had ducks come around, but they've never actually gotten up on the feeder like that, just checked out what was on the ground. He had a mate, but she stayed on the ground. She did get under the fence and waddled around the yard a bit before she flew off and he followed her.

Nipper is doing much better. He got sick again late Saturday night and threw up some dogfood (which I found with my foot in the dark), and still wasn't feeling well Sunday morning. I let him sleep Sunday, and fed him some cream of wheat, then some chicken and rice for dinner. He loved that, of course. Tonight, I made spaghetti for my dinner and gave him a bit of hamburger. We took a short walk after I got home from work, and he got tired, but was doing OK.

Tonight, not much is on the agenda. A former high school classmate who is putting together a presentation for our class reunion wants some pictures and info, so I'll see if I've got something to send. Then I'll probablly do a bit more prep for my interview. I have a packet of forms to fill out, and I'm trying to brush up on what's going on with the company and what they do. Plus, try and get some exercise in somewhere, since it's nicer in the mornings to give Nipper some extra love and attention before I go to work. Yeah, I'm like putty in his paws.

Greensburg

While I was having a quiet night last night, the people of Greensburg, Kan., were living through hell. About 9:45 p.m. a tornado, reported to be a mile wide, literally destroyed the town.

I've been watching the coverage on Wichita stations (well, two of them. Where are you, KSN?) and it's just amazing. From the aerial shots, it looks like only the grain elevator is left standing. The downtown is gone and most of the homes are flattened or damaged beyond repair. It's a prety scary reminder of just what can happen.

Right now, there's another storm heading for Greensburg. Hope everyone there will be OK. We've got a storm warning where I live now, too, but I think I'll just get the western edge of it where I am, and they're saying there doesn't appear to be tornadic. But later on could be another question. I've already got my portable radio, Nipper's leash and some other things by the door in case it turns bad and I need to make a run for Dad's house, where he at least has the cellar and a small hallway that's in the middle of the house. That's one bad thing about my house -- pretty much all the rooms have at least one exterior wall, so there's not an obvious place to go in case of tornado.

It's quiet

It is nice to have the house to myself, although once in a while it just feels too quiet. It is kind of nice to have someone to talk to once in a while. At least someone who will talk back. I talk to Nipper all the time but the conversation is kind of one-sided.

I should be mowing the back yard right now, but I got hungry and decided a hot dog cooked over a fire would be good. I'd have dad over (since he gave me the fire pit for Christmas), but he said his allergies are making him feel not so good. Maybe next week. So I'm sitting here as the wood in the fire pit is slowly trying to burn and about a dozen turkey vultures watch me from the big old cottonwood on my property. They don't perch there often, but it's neat when they do. Once in a while, they ust feel crowded because one will seem to push another off a branch, and it will soar around for a few minutes, then return.

Nipper seems to be doing much better. He had a bad little episode last night, bad enough I actuallly called my vet's emergency number to talk to her. She recommended an aspirin to help the pain and help him relax enough to rest, which it did. He seemed fine this morning, so I took him in this afternoon for his scheduled annual checkup. She said everything seemed fine -- she didn't feel anything strange and all his vital signs are OK. So maybe he just ate something bad. Imagine that -- Nipper eating something he shouldn't.

(Oops. Had to restart the fire in the fire pit, and also now all the turkey vultures have flown the coop.)

Took Nip for his evening walk, and maybe we should hae gone earlier while it was still cool. It warmed up pretty good late this afternoon after the clouds went away. We're supposed to be in line for some severe weather, but it looks like all the thunderheads are building up north and west of us, which means we'll miss out.

I guess mowing is on the list of things to do tomorrow. Even if I get ambitious and do the back yard tonight, I still have the hill to do. I did one part of it last Sunday and already you can't even tell. Also tomorrow I'd like to at least start on getting a new flower bed prepared. I bought some things through a catalog that had a $25 coupon in it, so I'd like to start something out front between the porch and the garage.

Well, the fire is burning pretty good, so it's time to get cook dinner I think, followed by a s'more for desser. The mowing can wait until tomorrow!

A bit worried

Tonight was my support group meeting, and I was scheduled to be the program, talking about the Web site and Yahoo group I set up for us. So I came home, planning to let the dog out for a bit, grab my computer and head back to town. Except when I go home, Nipper seemed a bit sluggish. I thought at first it was just because he'd been sleeping all day, but then I noticed a spot on the carpet where he'd thrown up. And I noted he was kind of groaning when he breathed. He didn't even want his nightly treat. It was like about a year and a half ago, when the problem turned out to be his liver. It was really hard to go to my meeting, but I didn't feel like I could back out on such short notice either.

Fortunately, when I got home from the meeting, he seemed to be feeling a little better. He was on my bed and seemed perkier. We even went outside and walked around along the creek and on the hill for a bit. So we've just been taking it easy tonight. He seems OK, just tired now.

Haven't heard much from Mom in a few days, although my dad said he'd talked to her last night. She was in western Texas, not far from the Mexico border, and in country that didn't have much cell phone access, let alone Internet access. She'll be heading to my brother's before long, so we'll probably get an update then.

In other news, I got the official invite to my 20th class reunion. Ouch.

Quiet night

I actually have the TV off and am just kind of enjoying the sound of a flock of bluejays calling to each other.

It's been pretty nice these last few days. I got a lot of mowing done on Sunday -- also got sunburned on my shoulders and they still hurt. We've been doing OK while Mom is out traipsing around the southwest. Dad comes over to let Nipper out during the day, and he's been getting good walks when I come home, and then plenty of loving to make up for being left alone all day.

Tomorrow is my support group meeting night, and I'm giving a bit of a presentation on the Web site and Yahoo group I've put together. So I guess I better do some updating and take a few notes here in awhile so I might sound like I know what I'm talking about.

Today I gave my boss some news that I'm sure he'd rather not have heard. I have a job interview set up next Friday with a local electric company. It's a new position they're hiring for -- "external affairs specialist." They're looking for someone to do writing, presentations, etc. I don't have a lot of experience in preparing those kinds of things, but I think I've got some good basic skills and software is pretty easy to learn. And their ad specifically mentioned a background in journalism would be helpful.

It's not that I don't really want to leave the newspaper business, but I just question if what it's becoming is what I reallly want to do. We had a meeting this week about new directions we'll be taking, and I'm not sure I like it. There was a lot of talk about "new products" and doing things that are "just good enough." Quantiy over qualiyt. Very little talk about the product we're making now (a source of news) and making it better. And believe me, there's lots of room for improvement. I'm only 38, and I'm starting to feel like a dinosaur in my profession. It doesn't really matter to me what format the "newspaper" is in, but it should be good. And we're not taking the time to do that.

Plus, it's time to move on. For nearly two years, my life has revolved around cancer. Finding out I have it, test after test after test, finallly starting treatment, getting through chemo, having surgery, more chemo, getting over all that and then checkups where I'm stressed about what if it comes back. It's like my life has been under control of others -- the doctors, the nurses, my mother. It's time for me to take it back.

It's a beautiful day

Too bad I have to go to work later. Sigh.

Oh well, I'll enjoy a nice, peaceful morning. Hung out some laundry I'd thrown in the washer last night and heard the geese down at the creek. I tiptoed up to the fence for a look, and they have goslings! I think there were five of them. And last night, while walking Nipper over a bridge south of my house, I saw a mallard hen with about a dozen ducklings swimming along with her! I don't know if she was "our" duck, but I haven't seen many ducks along our part of the creek.

So now I'm doing another load of laundry and fixing some breakfast. I don't normally eat much for breakfast, but for some reason today scrambled eggs sounds good. Then a walk with Nipper is on the agenda later on, and then off to work after lunch.

I'm off Sunday, but back to work Monday, since we have a big meeing planned. I'm taking Thursday and Friday for my comp days off for today and last Saturday, when I was at the state press association convention, so at least I've got that to look forward too. Nothing big planned. Probably get a haircut for me, a nail trim for Nipper at the new "dog salon" here, and I probably should get him to the vet for his annual visit.

That's my exciting day.

Alone at last

It's just Nipper and me for awhile. Mom has taken off on her "maiden voyage" with her travel-trailer (which she has named Eggcarto, because it kind of looks like an egg). She's been working real hard to get everything ready and I know she was a bit nervous about setting out, but I know she'll do well. You can read about her adventures in her own blog here. There's also a permanent link on the right of this page. I have to say I'm real proud of her for taking on a new challenge like this. Go, Mom!

Just taking it easy tonight. There's severe weather farther east of here, so the Wichita TV stations (or at least the one I watch on Tuesdays) are giving a lot of time to that. Not a lot to watch, in other words. So maybe I'll just turn the volume down and read a book.

I've been doing a lot more reading lately. I'm kind of trying to have to force myself. Since a large part of my job involves reading, I usually just don't feel like after a day at work. But I miss reading for pleasure, so recently, I made a list of things I should be reading, based on what people on a bulletin board I frequent said they liked, and also from the flyers and stuff I get from a book club I can't seem to figure out how to quit. Then it was a trip to the library, and so far, I've liked what I've picked up.

First was The Shape Shifter by Tony Hillerman. Love these books, and this one seems to maybe be taking Leaphorn down a slightly different path than he's been on. It'll be interesting to see how the events in this book affect him later on.

Then I read Cormac McCarthy's The Road. It was the first of McCarthy's works I've read. Very bleak, but he's created a very realistic world. This will probably be one of those that much later, I'm still forming what effect it's had on me. I was really surprised I was able to pick it up without having to get on a waiting list, considering the all-powerful Oprah selected it for her book club.

The I started reading Mad Dogs by James Grady, but then left the book at work over a weekend and started reading another. I usually don't like to read two books at once, but it was kind of nice having one to read at my lunch break and then something totally different (see below) at home. Again, haven't read Grady's earlier work, but I might have to after this one. So far, at least, it's got a good balance of tension, action and goofiness.

The book I started reading while also reading the above-mentioned book was A Fool's Gold: A Story of Ancient Spanish Treasure, Two Pounds of Pot, and the Young Lawyer Almost Left Holding the Bag. I'm not sure how much of this I really believe. It's a pretty fantastic tale, enough that's believable, but also enough to make you wonder how much embellishment is there really? It was pretty entertaining, though.

That's it for now. I've still got a long list to get through, and I've even added a few since I started.

Time to spend some quality time with the dog. He's been wondering where mom is, and keeps running for the door whenever he thinks he hears her truck pulling into the drive.

Hello again

Wow, didn't realize it'd been over a week since I last posted. Guess there's just not a lot to talk about. Awhile ago, I was sitting at the desk surfing when I looked out the window and saw the duck couple that comes to my birdfeeder had figured out how to get under the fence. The hen was starting to range out a ways from the fence when something startled them and they both flew off. This morning, as I was getting ready for work, I happened to see them fly up from the creek and land in one of the big cottonwoods behind my house. I didn't know ducks would even perch in trees! But there they were, just kind of waddling along the bigger branches.

The weather is nicer, now, and many of the flowers have rebounded. Many of the daffodils are upright and blooming, and even the tulips that got mashed to the ground are trying valiantly to point the bloooms upward. The tulips up front are standing tall and finally beginning to bloom. The hosta, which hadn't yet unfurled their leaves, aren't as dark green as they were before the snow, but I think they might be OK. The two mums I planted on the hillside last fall took a lot of freeze damage, but yesterday as I picked dead leaves off, I saw some new green poking through.

I've been working on my wildflower garden, too, hoeing away at the grass in there so it won't be so overgrown (maybe) this year. I'd like to expand it, too, and add another Russian sage or two along the fence, replace the purple coneflower that didn't survive the drought last year, add a shasta daisy again and maybe move the black-eyed Susan if it reappears.

Some bad news from one of my "sisters" in my breast cancer support group: A couple weeks ago, her mammogram showed a marble-sized lump that proved to be cancerous. Further tests showed tumors in her lungs and chest lymph nodes. She's having a mastectomy and they'll biopsy those tumors at the same time. She was diagnosed about the same time I was, but here treatment had to be a lot more aggressive. I'm hoping she comes through this well. She's got a teenage son and she's been making a lot of headway with an organization she's in, and she's real proud of getting out of her "comfort zone," as she told me. So if you're the type, say a prayer for G., OK? Thanks.

For the weekend, I'm heading to the state capital, where the state newspaper association will have it's annual convention. The publisher and managing editor will be there, too, for the sessions, and then a couple of others will join us for the awards banquet Saturday night. The good news is, it sounds like they don't expect us to all travel together.

More garden talk

So long to the spring weather ... and the spring flowers.

After the beautiful weather the last couple weeks, this week turned cold. We even got a couple inches of snow, although it melted pretty quickly. It's still cold today, though. Most of my flowers that I pictured and talked about are just wilted, mushy caricatures now. The tulips are flattened. The ones up front didn't even get the chance to bloom. The daffodils are all hanging their shriveled blooms, and the daylillies and hyacinths aren't perky. Most of the muscari look OK, though.

There are good things continuing, though. The iris all look OK, and so do the lamb's ears. The hosta are coming up good under the pecan tree. Probably a good thing they haven't unfurled their leaves yet, so there's not much that can be damaged.

I've been working on the computer most of the morning, and see the geese have made their second appearance at my birdfeeder. And earlier, I saw the goldfinches have donned their namesake color for the spring and summer.

I should take a break and take Nipper for a walk, but he's sleeping pretty soundly (and cutely) on his bed in the living room. He's been cooped up a lot this week, though, so we should get at least a short walk in. Then later, Dad wants to take us to Easter dinner ... at the local bar & grill that recently expanded. Is a BLT considered appropriate for Easter?

Well, I'm off for a couple days, but I have a project I need to get done, and then maybe another one for later in the week as well, so I should sign off.

Power play

Last night, I worked the desk at the paper, preparing the Sunday edition. It didn't start out well -- I had to finish up SIX PAGES of stuff that should have been done on Friday, but our new editors just don't seem to get how much of a burden that is for the one person who puts together the news section.

Anyway, I didn't get started on the Sunday news section until about 5 p.m., about three hours after I got in to the office. I was really worried I wouldn't make deadline. About 8:30 p.m., the jerk who runs the mailroom, where they stuff all the advertising flyers and such into the paper, comes up front and asks us (me and the sports editor) when we think we'll be done. The sports editor knew he'd be done early, since the winter-like weather canceled all the local sports events. I wasn't sure when I'd be done, so I said I didn't know. He pressed for a time. I said "probably the usual time," which would be between 11:30 p.m. and the midnight deadline. Didn't think much more of it, and just pressed on with getting work done.

Well, things went well, and the press ran at 11:35. Mailroom jerk comes back shortly after and says to me "If you'd given me a more accurate time when I asked, I wouldn't have to wait a half hour for my guys to come in in. Thanks a lot."

I just looked at the sports editor and kind of threw up my hands. He just shook his head. The mailroom guy is one of those people who has to find something to complain about. And if I'd been able to give him an exact time, to the minute, he probably still would have found something negative to say.

Thing is, if I say something to my bosses about this, they'll just tell me to shake it off, don't let it bother me, etc, etc. But why should I be the one who has ignore him? Why should I have to be the one who shakes it off? Does anyone bother to tell him to just forget about it and go on with his job? Just shut up and deal, because this business is never a sure thing? Probably not. So just because he's an asshole, the rest of us have to adjust our attitudes? That's not right. By not dealing with him, telling him to tone down, the bosses are reinforcing his behavior, giving him the idea that he's in the right and the rest of us have to adjust to him. It's giving him power, and making the rest of us step down in status in his eyes.

I know this kind of thing happens all over the place, but why? It doesn't make for the best work environment. It isn't productive in the least. Sure, you can't fire someone for being a jerk, but why verify their behavior by ignoring or tolerating it? We don't want kids bullied in our schools, but in the workplace it's OK? We encourage kids to stand up to bullies, because, we tell them, bullies just pick on those they think are weak, and if you show you're not weak, they'll leave you alone. But what if stand up to a bully at work. Guess who's probably going to get the lecture.

Bosses need to stand up and be bosses. Just don't dismiss an employee who complains about the office jerk. 'Cause if the boss doesn't even stand up the jerk, then the jerk just thinks he's even more powerful than the boss. And he's probably right.